Let’s see…Al Gore is pushing non-carbon alternatives to energy because:

1. He is truly concerned about the state of the country and the earth, or;
2. He has a lot of investments in wind and solar energy companies, or;
3. His Nobel Peace Prize is being withheld until Dubai goes bankrupt, or;
4. He thinks this is the best way to get acknowledged by Bill O’Reilly, or;
5. He wants to make another movie, this time on the coming ice age, or;
6. The world scientists he uses to support his concerns have less than a fifth-grade education, or;
7. He needs another Oscar for the other side of his mantle, or;
8. Oil pumps remind him of giant grasshoppers, or;
9. He still can’t get over the fact that a failed oil executive wrenched the Presidency away from him or;
10. When she was pregnant with him, his mother was scared by a polar bear, or;
11. He wants the economic situation to worsen to the point that nobody, but he, will run for President, or;
12. He has always hated America and feels lying about global warming is the best way to derail it, or;
13. All of the above except 1.

What can you do about it? Well, you can:

1. Buy a big dual-wheel diesel 1-ton 4WD pickup as your primary family transportation, and/or;
2. Take a cross-country trip by yourself in a large RV and tow an Expedition to use for side trips, and/or;
3. While away, leave all your lights on and your AC running so people will think you’re home, and/or;
4. Buy a large walk-in cooler to store your beer and soda, and/or;
5. Go to the grocery store for one meal at a time; go to the store furthest from your house, and/or;
6. Don’t patronize businesses or associate with people using solar energy, and/or;
7. Refuse to support public transportation and rapid transit systems. Drive to work individually, and/or;
8. Associate Al Gore with Gore Vidal every time his name is mentioned, and/or;
9. Blame Al Gore for the Monica Lewinski debacle (“He must’ve known about it…!”), and/or;
10. Pretend it’s colder in Phoenix, Fresno or Miami by wearing fur coats and ear muffs in August, and/or;
11. Choose an ostrich as you’re family mascot, and/or;
12. Be scared…be VERY scared, or;
13. All of the above except 12