I should probably clarify something -- my daughters aren't really named Smedley and Sparky.

When I first began blogging over a year and a half ago, my original blog, Foolery, was more about my kids than anything else, and using nicknames for them seemed to insulate them from the world. I don't post their pictures, either, for the same reason.

Several things the girls have said over their very few years have become legendary among some of our friends and family. They may want to crawl under rocks some day, so I have given them the gift of relative anonymity.

My brothers are referred to as Bocci and Mantel Man, for the same reason. They are often mortified by their big sister's silly, frivolous, and completely undignified behavior, so I'm protecting them from too much scrutiny.

And, breaking my own rules, here are recent pictures of my daughters, the scruffy farm girls of the Pushing Water Ranch.

This is Smedley, age 6.

And this is Sparky, age 4.

Greetings! And welcome to the most recent evidence of my ongoing megalomania!

Here is my mission statement for Reasonably Educated Bumpkins, and a list of self-inflicted rules, which I reserve the right to change or ignore at any time, without warning. So there.

Bumpkins Mission Statement

It is my goal, objective, mission and plan to tell the truth about rural life in California's Great North Valley, from my past and through my present. I will express The Truth as I see it. To this end I will tell The Truth (except when I’m lying, in which case I will almost always tell you).

Bumpkins Rules

No, this is not a poorly-structured football cheer; this is my code of conduct, to which I will pay strict attention (except when I don’t, in which case I will almost always apologize).

1. First, do no harm.
2. No swearing. I reserve the right to say “D-word,” “butthead,” and “golly” on occasion. (If you think “golly” is a swear word, this is no place for you, as I tend to apply it liberally, with aplomb, and without a care as to whom I might offend. Sorry.)
3. Most of my family and friends will be referred to by their nicknames, to protect the innocent. If you are not innocent, I will refer to you by your full name, and post your address, phone number, and a map to your house.
4. No discussions of religion, politics, sex, race, philosophy, existentialism, camels, trashy television, or nose-picking. Except when I want to, in which case I will agree to be on my best behavior. Okay, that just cleared out most of you.
5. Please feel free to comment and take part in the discussions which I hope will arise from this endeavor. The more the merrier!
6. For the three of you still reading, the last (today) and most important rule: No split infinitives, dangling participles, or using of prepositions to end sentences with. But I reserve the right to be grammatically incorrect AT LEAST 50% of the time (my escape clause).

Risks of Reading Reasonably Educated Bumpkins

You can expect to hear an inordinate amount of useless stuff about Northern California, as filtered by Yours Truly and by my family. You will become more familiar with my home town of Orland, and the town in which I am rumored to work, which is Chico. You do risk learning something, though that risk is statistically insignificant. Be aware that because this blogger is a mother of little kids, and a denizen of Rural America, you, dear reader, risk hearing about various excretions and things that smell. I’m sorry, I don’t make this stuff up, I just call ‘em as I see ‘em (or nearly step in ‘em).

Perceived Benefits

Anyone bored enough to have gotten this far can finish this for me. Please, e-mail to me any benefits you expect to get from reading this blog; I can’t think of any.