Neighborliness is overrated
Among the alleged saving graces of living in big cities is that individual neighborhoods feel like small towns. You may be a faceless entity in San Francisco, with its 750,000 people, but in Cole Valley, Bernal Heights and the Marina and Mission districts people who live around the corner will greet you with a smile and shop owners will know your name.
One of the missions of the new urbanism movement is to create neighborhoods that foster this sense of intimacy. The streets are narrow, the sidewalks are wide and the front porches are prominent. In some instances, businesses and residences are intermixed in the same block, even the same building. It’s enough to make you want to say “Howdy, neighbor.�
This isn’t a workable model for people like me. We introverts are sociable, but we mainly like to sit down with one person at a time and talk for an hour or two. We aren’t up to having conversations with people constantly. About a year ago at a work-related seminar, an uber-extrovert told us to stand up and introduce ourselves to everyone in the room. That 10-minute exercise wiped me out for the rest of the morning.
I think if I lived in a place like San Francisco, which is packed with people, I’d want to further fortify the walls that surround my personal space. I wouldn’t be inclined to get to know my neighbors. I’d seek out a few people I might be able relate to. It wouldn’t matter if they lived on the other side of the city. It wouldn’t matter if they lived in another city. I’d eventually develop ties with people I’d get together with — usually one at a time — every now and then. That’s how it was when I was a single person living in L.A. Getting married and becoming a father further reduced my need to socialize.
None of this means I’m bothered that Chicoans have a way of feeling connected to each other just by living here. I like Chico’s community spirit. But the feeling doesn’t depend on my ever meeting the people I share this connection with. It’s impersonal, but in a good way. We Chicoans may feel a bond, but we don’t have to pretend we are one big, happy family or even that we all have to shake hands and say “Howdy, neighbor.�