« Luvaas Again | Main | See You Later Crocodile »
March 15, 2007
Skateboards Banned in Neighbor's Garage
 |
| The City of Chico recently
banned skateboarding* in my neighbor's garage, and for him it couldn't have come too soon. "I was surprised, and pleased, to learn that the new ban on skateboarding extended to my garage" he said. "I'm not sure how my garage became listed as a neighborhood park in the first place, but it was designated one last year" he continued. Last May a city worker showed up at his residence with a checklist. As my neighbor describes it, she went through the list looking for neighborhood park amenities. No restrooms... check, no basketball court... check, minimal parking... check. It was a go, shortly thereafter his garage was listed as a neighborhood park. "At first I was happy, they'd [the city] show up once a week, blow out the garage, tighten a few screws, and be gone" he reminisced. "Then one morning I got in my car to go to work and a homeless guy was sacked out on my workbench." But that was just the beginning of his problems. As he tells it, the city, without warning, installed some public art where he used to hang his fire extinguisher. "I can't tell what it is" he opined, "it's got 13 legs and 5 dangly things, a single big eye, and what could only be described as a hairy funnel." The label affixed to the sculpture reads "Bottle of Pepsi". Two months ago he found a half dozen people ripping out the periwinkle in front of his house. "I said, what the **** are you doing, and I got this never-ending diatribe about invasive plants, global warming, and protecting my garage for future generations." That was his first experience with the "Friends of Tom's Garage". Tom and his wife have since been trying to get together a Master Plan for the garage. State law requires that they plan for, and protect, the sensitive daddy-long-legs spiders that reside in his now-unused garden tools. And then last week skateboarders showed up en masse and began ollieing his lawnmower. They also mock him regularly for not "getting" Blink 182. "It doesn't even feel like my garage any more." He said, as a tear welled up in his eye. "The park curfew has cut down on transients." Tom said. "And I'm hoping the skateboard ban will clear out the skate-punks. To be honest, I just want my garage back." *note: this is satire, no skateboard ban has actually been applied to my neighbor's garage. |
Posted by Lon at March 15, 2007 06:04 AM