« Downright Unfriendly | Main | A Clarification and Warning! »
May 11, 2007
Tree Wars Escalate
|
| Dateline -
Chico, CA 2014 Commission Impossible - Tree War Escalates Chain saw wielding gangs of tree trimmers and marauding deviants continue to clear-cut residential areas of Chico. Few residents recall the catalyst that created this explosion of wanton anti-social behavior. But experts at the Chico State Behavioral Science Institute are beginning to piece things together. A strengthened tree-ordinance passed in 2007 put scores of arborists out of work. This large population of unemployed, but well equipped, tree experts quickly turned vicious. Some of them grouped together and began trimming and removing trees in the dark of night, as the black market for tree removal came into being. That group further splintered creating the West Side Chico Tree Gang (photo above). The West Siders began removing trees out of spite. Preferably large oaks or sycamores. The leader of this gang, who goes by "two-stroke", has claimed he won't stop until privots are the only trees left standing. Paralleling the development of the West Side Chico Tree Gang was the East Side Chico Tree Gang(photo below). The East Siders were originally part of a native plant society. After years of trying to remove privot and blackberry bushes from local parks East Side leader "round-up" militarized the group. The East Siders transformed from hating non-native invasive trees, to despising all trees of any kind. Together these two gangs have rampaged and destroyed most vegetation in Chico. This has transformed Chico from a "City of Trees" to a "City of Moderate Sized Shrubs", and left orphaned gray squirrels panhandling for nuts at the downtown plaza. In 2007 few could have foreseen the long term effects of the strengthened tree ordinance, or the creation of these two groups of chain saw wielding, tree hating, deviants. Many Chico residents are hoping that a new proposed ordinance that bans power tools city-wide will put an end to the tree wars. Only time will tell, and the law of unintended consequences remains in effect. |
 |
| Note: I need to give special thanks to the anonymous creator of the graphics in this satirical post. And I would point out to local tree ordinance supporters that this is just a little fun, don't get too wound up. |
Posted by Lon at May 11, 2007 08:09 AM
Comments
When chainsaws become illegal, only outlaws will have them!
I'm going down to get my concealed chainsaw permit, just in case.
Posted by: Gregg Payne at May 11, 2007 08:38 AM
Well its only a matter of time before somebody does a documentary on this like they are doing with the homeless problem right now.
I expect well see a feature at the Pageant someday: "The Chico Chainsaw Massacre".
Or perhaps well get a law: $500 fine for firing up a chain saw in the city limits.
We may even see gangs doing chainsaw cruising on the Esplande: http://www.motorcyclecity.com/bikewatch/Chain_Saw_Bike_Dolmette.htm
Posted by: Anthony at May 11, 2007 09:33 AM
as a prominent leader of the West Side Chico Tree Gang, i thank Lon for his coverage of our cause! we arborists are just trying to feed our families... he he he
Posted by: meagan at May 11, 2007 09:58 AM
Wellll.... if those gangs don't go to prison for un authorized tree trimming they'll get taken down for using engines that don't pass the new small engine emission standards!
Posted by: Mark Sorensen at May 11, 2007 12:21 PM
Mark makes a good point. The two-stroke small engine is, gallon for gallon, the most polluting device on the planet. As someone who has learned the joys of lawn care with simple tools such as a human-powered reel mower, edge cutter, and hedge trimmer, I feel compelled to point out that a person can be a hideously irresponsible arborcide without resorting to internal combustion. The long two-handle saw was used for decades as the principal means of clear-cutting virgin forests, and can contribute to neighbors getting to know one another better through cooperation. The trusty handaxe was good enough for the young George Washington, and look how he turned out.
Posted by: Alan Chamberlain at May 12, 2007 07:32 AM