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November 16, 2007
Open Letter To Tommy Gascoyne
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| Image: What my campaign sign might look like. Yesterday someone pointed out to me some comments made by the Chico Beat's Tom Gascoyne in his Fourth and Main Column. I think they're pretty funny, and amazingly accurate. Here's what Tom wrote: That male-heavy selection by the council did not sit well with everybody, except maybe those selected. (See letters page 4.) Even the normally thick-skinned Lon Glazner revealed his sensitive side in his E-R blog, lamenting the way the women were treated on this night. Of course, if his Hooker Oak buddies, Chamberlain (who was also snubbed in his bid for a place at the GPAC table) and Sorenson, had met with more success on this night, the slight to the women may have been a bit more acceptable for Glazner. Who knows? I do know this: That particular blogger and disc-golf enthusiast looks like he's lining up for a run of his own come next year's city council election. Bet on it. I am very sensitive. I cry a lot. Mostly I cry about the eczema that has caused my skin to thicken in an unnatural way. Here's my hard hitting response: Tom, Tommy, Tomster, thank you for joining my campaign team. As you know I had my heart set on the Parking Place Commission, which held the real reins of power in our community, but that body was disbanded to block my overt power grab. If we were to combine my 6 blog readers with your 10 newspaper readers we would have the makings of a large political movement. We could call it the Hooker Beat Alliance. Another added benefit of our campaigning coalition is that neither of us needs to worry about upsetting advertisers. Our first big move should be to solidify support for a local Indian casino. Otherwise I'm not sure how we'll go about implementing your last suggestion. How much money are we talking about? Are you giving odds? I look forward to working with you on the campaign trail. Do you think we could get Jessica Alba to come up and stump for me? Do you know her? Do you know anyone who does? She's really hot, and looks nice, because she's always smiling in her photos. I think she would be fun to hang out with. A Call To Action: Having Tom G. as my campaign chairman is a great first step. But I need to fill some other vacancies. Position - Job Description Campaign Organizer - Organize me so I can be a shill for the building industry. Campaign Weatherman - I won't leave the house unless it's between 69-72 degrees (F), and partially sunny. Otherwise my skin itches. Campaign Sustainability Expert - I would like to recycle all of my campaign mailers, so I need someone to go to each house I mail them to and recover them. Campaign Chess Table Liaison - Works with the chess player downtown to organize him into a voting block. If you have other positions in mind or would like to apply for a position please do. |
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CI Challenge: Can you guess what it is? Winner: Mark Sorensen, see comments below for the answer. |
Posted by Lon at November 16, 2007 06:20 AM
Comments
CI Challenge: Dumb & Dumber
http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/dumb-dumber.jpg
I definately see the connection to the subject of the post ;-)
Posted by: Mark Sorensen at November 16, 2007 06:37 AM
Can I be Jessica Alba's official campaign towel-boy?
Posted by: tj glenn at November 16, 2007 07:13 AM
I'm not sure which is worse, the beaver rap poem slam or the admission of itchy eczema, but that's not your fault, so I guess the beaver rap wins.
Yes, it's time for another campaign. I'll volunteer to provide additional critique of your campaign slogans and graphics. I know that you already have some of these, but it's important to have several people - much like a focus group - to ensure that you are taking a varied set of community values (and considerations of taste) into account.
Posted by: Tempra at November 16, 2007 07:23 AM
Looks like the G-Men. Gascoyne on the "left" and Glazner on the right. I'll volunteer for Sustainability Expert although I'd be better qualified for Sustainability Buffoon. I get to hang with Jessica right?
Posted by: Sean at November 16, 2007 07:51 AM
I'm thinking that since Tom always mentions that his dad was a cop, maybe he could secure you the endorsement of the local police officers union. I'm sure they all read his paper and feel the love.
For that matter, you could have Alan Chamberlain be your liason with local government and university employees.
Posted by: rainman at November 16, 2007 08:04 AM
Hey, actually, I know Jessica Alba's cousin.
Posted by: TrevHastings at November 16, 2007 08:51 AM
Can I apply for campaign brewmaster? Could make some really awesome watermelon wine, and bribe voters with it.
Posted by: TrevHastings at November 16, 2007 08:52 AM
I am applying for:
Campaign recreation director
(please note that the only accepted campaign recreational activty will be disc golf)
Posted by: Mark at November 16, 2007 11:19 AM
Sean,
You are now the official Sustainability Expert. I had an idea that would really impact the amount of campaign material we generate.
Instead of sending you out to each house we send a mailer to to pick it up for recycling why not just print a single mailer and you could take it around to each house.
You'll have to ride a bicycle to cut down on green-house gas emissions. Or better yet, a unicycle, because that's better marketing.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:20 AM
TJ,
I was kind of hoping to be the towel boy. Perhaps we could share the duty?
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:22 AM
Mark S.
How 'bout we run as a slate?
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:23 AM
Trevor,
You've just moved up into Campaign Manager territory. Well, actually it depends on whether or not you know Alba's more attractive cousin. Send photos, we'll talk.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:24 AM
Tempra,
How 'bout we run as a slate? You, me, and Mark S.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:25 AM
Rainman,
I don't think Gascoyne can help me with the CPOA. I'm pretty sure he's a member of the Police Citizen's Academy, and so a conflict of interest might occur.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:28 AM
Mark B.
I'm sorry to say that that position was filled by Green Man this morning. Perhaps you could take Trevor's vacant Campaign Brewmeister position.
But as per Trevor's suggestion, there will be a lot of bribing going on. So we've got that going for us.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:29 AM
Lon,
That would suit me just fine.. However, would you consider contacting the Green Man and asking if he would consider trading positions with me for my second choice for a campaign support position:
Campaign fuel economy expert and official campaign food taster (With the extremely high cost of fuel this will be a factor for a successful campaign, and there could always be a poisoned free lunch looming anywhere at anytime on the campaign trail)
Posted by: mark at November 16, 2007 11:46 AM
Mark B.
I'll see what I can do. Green Man is hard to get a hold of. He lives in a Sycamore tree in Bidwell Park, and is sometimes so high up he can't hear me yelling at him.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 11:56 AM
Lon,
I don't normally swing in the direction of sharing a towel duty like that, but then again, no one has ever actually been dumb enough to appoint me to a job like that. So I guess I could share the honor (and the blame).
I tell you what, you hold her down while I towel her off.
Posted by: tj glenn at November 16, 2007 12:23 PM
Ok, I will ask Marissa about getting Jessica Alba up here to do an appearance for you. Jessica's cousin is really Marissa's friend, but i know her. I am down for whatever.
Posted by: TrevHastings at November 16, 2007 12:29 PM
TJ,
I'll have to give up towel duty to you. Being happily married I can't actually touch Jessica Alba. In fact I took the added step of averting my eyes when creating the graphic above to pay the proper respect to my long-time mate.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 16, 2007 12:29 PM
Lon,
I was hoping to drop leaflets out the window as I fly over Chico. My plane only burns about 8000 lbs fuel/hr. The unicycle sounds cool though. Could we maybe print the mailer on 3 colorful "discs" that I could juggle while riding.
Posted by: Sean at November 16, 2007 02:19 PM