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November 23, 2007
Solid Engineering
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| Image: The Kitchen Appliance - Industrial Complex
has finally gone too far. As an electronic engineer I appreciate the benefits of embedded control systems. I also make a living designing them, so I appreciate them all the way to the bank. What is an "embedded control system"? That's a term for the electronics that interpret user (or other) input and make limited decisions based on those signals. Sometimes I see embedded control systems that are unique and beautiful. One example is the new iPOD touch screen control which will forever change the consumer's expectations of how they should interact with electronics. Another example is the four button interface on a lowly $10 digital watch. Cramming that many modes and functions into 4 control buttons takes some planning. Yesterday, on Thanksgiving, I ran into an incredibly sophisticated and well designed embedded control system built into my 5 year-old oven. One undocumented feature was the built-in Holiday timer that ensured a number of other undocumented features became available on Thanksgiving. The timer was so accurate that the new features kicked in just minutes before the turkey was to begin cooking. The Holiday timer wasn't described in the owner's manual, and neither was the self-locking oven door. In fact the self-locking oven door was our first indicator that the additional feature set built into our oven was now available. The oven screen now read "locked", and yes the door was in fact locked shut. The self-locking oven door had two additional sub-features. One feature was that you could get the display to read "unlocked" by pressing certain buttons, but the lock didn't actually disengage. This is the perma-lock feature. The second feature was the "super-nova" style food purifying mode. Apparently, when cooking yams, during a holiday, the oven temperature needs to be full-throttle, and the oven-door locked, forever. This prevents the yams from passing any impurities to diners. This new operating mode was designated on the oven screen by an "E2", which I took to mean "Extra Features Type 2". Locking the door to the oven while ramping the temperature to maximum isn't a feature I would have designed into this oven. Still, as an engineer, I had to appreciate the bold innovation it represents. I wasn't really needing this new feature set at exactly this time. Being computer, and electronics savvy, I took the step that fixes 99% of technical problems. I shut down the power at my breaker box, waited a few minutes, and switched it back on. On returning to the kitchen I was surprised and pleased that the oven now read "E3". This feature set is the same as E2, with the exception that it can also be used to test your household smoke alarms (they worked). The oven was still locked and blazing away, the yams were producing a fragrant gray smoke. It was at this point that I realized the oven was using a very expensive control system known in our industry as "demonic possession". Using a reverse engineering method called upper-body strength I was able to defeat the perma-lock feature and rescue the yams before they were entirely purified. Unfortunately, like most good embedded control systems, the oven was aware that I had operated it outside of allowed boundaries and implemented its Holiday self-destruct sequence. I can still operate the oven at room temperature, but anything higher won't work. The oven light is also permanently on, so I can see what's not being cooked 24 hours-a-day. That's pretty nice. It also provides excellent mood lighting for my kneecaps during the wee hours of the night. I hate to get rid of the oven since it's relatively new (purchased by the previous homeowners though). I might find some sustainable use for it. Maybe it could be my compost bin. I wouldn't have to take it out of the kitchen, I could just throw food remnants and what-not into it. Or perhaps I could turn it into a fishbowl, since the window and oven light still function. I could also try to repair it, Christmas is just around the corner, and there may be a number of interesting control features that haven't yet presented themselves. Something like an automated broken glass injector would certainly spice up the Christmas ham. |
| Lon "The Councilornator" Glazner
- Women on GPAC Debate: This series of debates stem from Tom Gascoyne's endorsement of me for 2008 City Council (see endorsement here). Together we formed the Hooker Beat Alliance and are inviting experts from around the globe to debate important Chico topics. Tuesday's debate was related to how many women should be on the General Plan Advisory Committee (GPAC). Velma Dinkley said something that sounded pretty smart. But Barbie's hair was really shiny. She had on a flowing "virginesque" dress and spoke with a lilting angelic voice. Her physical form was perfect and backlit in a way that made her glow. In reality I think her presence caused the stage lights to appear dim and mundane. I don't remember what Barbie said but it was very important. And of course she won the debate. Tonight's debate is related to the party ordinance, and will be held at Hey Juans. The Jagermeister Girls will be there, and we can expect plenty of free tobacco and booze from corporate sponsors. |
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CI Challenge: Can you guess what it is? Winner: Anthony Watts, see comments below for the answer. |
Posted by Lon at November 23, 2007 09:07 AM
Comments
Lon,
Your life is so exciting! It's just a good thing that your brains are equal to your brawn, otherwise your holiday would have been a total bust.
CIC: It's pretty dark. I'm tempted to say it's the inside of Duffy's Tavern but in light of your crisis yesterday I'll go with the inside of an appliance. Is that too general?
Posted by: Shatzi at November 23, 2007 02:08 PM
I think it's one of those old fashioned bottle openers...the kind that soda shops used to have that attach to the counter (you know, way back when soda came in long neck bottles). It's posted in honor of spuds. Except he'll still need help, b/c, you know, dogs don't have thumbs, and those adult beverages that still do come in long neck bottles can be mighty slippery.
Posted by: Tina Hoover at November 23, 2007 10:56 PM
Shatzi,
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.
Life as a blogger is indeed exciting. For instance I'm now rapidly typing on my computer, my family currently surrounds me and are applauding my heroic display of manual dexterity.
We were pretty lucky on Thanksgiving since we were able to use a neighbor's oven to cook the remaining meal. And we had a half dozen people cancel on coming up to Chico a couple of weeks ago, so the meal we cooked was only for 4.
But the oven still mocks me with its single unblinking eye. Day and night its unceasing light sears my soul. Maybe today is the day I get even?
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 24, 2007 07:32 AM
Tina,
I hope you also had a nice Thanksgiving.
I'll have to reply on behalf of Spuds. He was out pretty late last night. And to be honest life's not one big party for Spuds right now. He's suffering from severe liver damage, has lost contact with his family, and is dealing with a really bad case of worms he picked up from a poodle in Cancun.
I'm trying to get him to attend AA meetings, but not much luck so far. I think an intervention may be necessary.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 24, 2007 07:58 AM
Oh, the challenge is something older and possessed.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 24, 2007 08:11 AM
"the challenge is something older and possessed"
Devil's Handbasket?
Lon you need a RadarRange
Posted by: Anthony at November 24, 2007 01:07 PM
The Steven king car "Christine" ?
Posted by: Anthony at November 24, 2007 05:03 PM
Yes Anthony,
It's a crumpled section of Christine, who unlike my demonic oven performs self-repair.
Happy post-Turkey day to you...
I know the picture was a little dark for some people. Sorry about that, it looks okay on my laptop screen so I went with it.
I think Christine is a Plymouth Fury. Not sure though.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 24, 2007 05:13 PM
Lon - now I know why my baking stone was out of the oven and the racks were adjusted to "turkey-level". Did Cupcake-Smokey remember you? I certainly hope so, with you being her savior and all...
Posted by: Deb at November 26, 2007 08:42 PM
Debbie,
Thanks for the oven. I wasn't looking forward to boiled turkey.
But to find out your oven has been used via your neighbor's blog! Now that's poor form. I'll be sending Jennifer over with some homemade cookies in the next 30 minutes(hope you're awake). We'll have to borrow your oven to bake them, as I haven't pulled mine out yet.
The pizza stone and oven rack were not from our turkey cooking expedition though. Those were from the following day when we made pizza and dried our laundry in your oven. We also watched movies and drank all of your liquor. That was Max's idea.
Cupcake-Smokey and I did have some quality time. I told her all about how my life has changed since she left and talked of my dreams and aspirations. She chased string. Good times.
Lon
Posted by: Lon at November 27, 2007 04:22 AM