Glass House

CREEK
By Laurie Feldman

Transfixed,
I stood on your bank
Watching dark water
Rush by.

Lazy,
Swimming over deep water
Between volcanic boulders,
falling in love.

Soaking,
seeking relief
my expectant body
floats on your currents.

Watching,
him splash and dive
Learning to swim
In your shallows.

Walking,
Along your green banks
Hoping for insight
Moving forward.

Sitting,
In meditation with
Aching feet submerged,
Growing older.

Gone,
My ashes scattered
on your gentle tide
as you flow on.

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 09:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Over spring break I traveled to Louisiana with my family. While we were there we visited New Orleans and took some time to walk around the lower Ninth Ward where so much devastation occurred 2 ½ years ago due to Hurricane Katrina. Here are some of the pictures I took:

These are the flags that were flying on the day I was there. Tattered but still proud.

This wreck of a house is STILL THERE after 2 1/2 years. Is this Iraq or America?

One picture is worth a thousand words. I wonder if the walls in this doghouse are emitting toxic formaldehyde fumes?

It was surprising how little anger I was exposed to while I was there. This sign seemed to distill some of what must be bubbling under the surface in this land of southern hospitality.

Notice the letters 'TFW' encircled on the front of this house. Thats stands for "Toxic Flood Waste." This is someone's home, still waiting for help.

How many billions have we spent to blow up someone else's country while allowing our own citizens' homes to languish, unrepaired and moldering into irreparable? The injustice is shocking to view personally and yet, as a country, we have seemingly mostly forgotten.

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 10:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’ve been thinking often lately about an article I read in the paper a few weeks ago. It was about another harebrained idea for balancing the California State Budget. The scary thing about this harebrained idea was that it came from Governor Arnie. In a nutshell, Arnie proposed requiring all MediCal recipients to complete re-qualifying paperwork every three months instead of the every 6 months that is currently required. This would double the paperwork burden for the agencies that administer MediCal too, such as the Department of Employment and Social Services. Which already works like a well-oiled machine, right?
Now I happen to have a job working with people who are mentally ill. Who I like a lot. And who I’ve watched struggle with the paperwork that we require of them.
Some of these are folks who can not read or write, often because their mental illnesses began in childhood and interfered with their ability to learn. Or sometimes because their tweaking crank addict parents were too busy starving them and exposing them to toxic fumes to have the opportunity to help them with their homework. Some of them are survivors of wars in their home countries and grew up speaking another language that does not have a written form, thus they are not so good at writing. Some of them have to spend their days listening to internal voices while navigating our complex world.
And Arnie, with all of his counterfeit compassion, knows that by requiring more paperwork of these tormented souls, that many of them will simply give up and forfeit their MediCal coverage, stop taking their psych meds and slip into an even worse state of body and mind. But it will save the state some money! Arnie thinks it’s a marvelous idea to balance his budget on the backs of these folks. Because he’s too chicken, I’d guess, to do the real work of governing. Which involves making considered, difficult choices and implementing them.

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 06:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’m getting really tired of dealing with the public school system. Let me start by saying that I doubt it is the teachers who ratchet up the frustration component quite as much as it is “THE STANDARDS.” Seems like whenever one of my children shows an ounce of creativity with regard to a school project, THE STANDARDS get whipped out and are used to knock us both over the head so we understand that thinking for ourselves is NOT the object. We are only to think in whatever way has been decided to be grade level thinking by an anonymous (to us) group of alleged experts who don’t know us and, mostly likely, wouldn’t care if they did.
Here’s an example of a accomplishment that is required by the 4th grade math standards. Each student must be able to regurgitate the multiplication tables through the number 10 in 5 minutes or less and must get a minimum of 90% correct. So… if the child takes 10 minutes for this feat, he or she does not meet THE STANDARDS. This obviously discounts the fact that the child actually knows the multiplication tables, he or she just isn’t fast enough. Now, what is the point of this STANDARD? I don’t really know and I wonder if any one actually does. Or is this just SOMETHING EVERYONE OUGHT TO KNOW. Personally, I’d like to ask the School Board and the Superintendent to take this test and score them. I wonder how they would do? Do you think they might bog down in the seven times table?

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 05:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Where would we be without a little glumness? I read an interesting article over the weekend. It had to do with happiness and melancholia. Apparently a backlash has started against the notion that everyone should be happy all the time and if you aren’t you need therapy. Several academics are now arguing for the benefits of sadness or “melancholia” as an important contributor to creativity. They point to Vincent van Gogh whose art was infused with his personal experience of mental illness. Emily Dickinson and Sylvia Plath are good examples of the effect of depression on poetic accomplishment. I’m sure I wouldn’t think of this trio as the poster children for the benefits of malcontentedness. After all, I think two of the three killed themselves, didn’t they? Maybe they did need a little bit of mental health care after all…?
It does bear consideration that there is something strangely motivating about having a bit of angst. A “bee in the bonnet” or something “stuck in your craw” can drive a person to demand or create change. A smidgen of discontent, irritation or annoyance and we get fired up to write letters to the editor, complain to the boss or organize a neighborhood watch program. Who writes a diary about all the good things that happen to them? Not me, that’s for sure.
So go out an insult someone? No, that might be dangerous to your health and that of the person you chose. But I guess I can embrace a little suffering in the interest of getting something done.

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 05:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Its cold and flu season everywhere in the United States. Most people I know either are sick, are getting sick or are recovering. In comparing notes with fellow sufferers, one of the recurring topics is the plethora of mucus that the human body can produce. How do we do it? Where does it come from? And, more ominously, what is it for and where does it go? I received the following from my sister (written by one of her friends) via email, it is a horrifying account of a few hours with a pair of snotty children. Readers be warned, graphic material is contained in the following…
“Yesterday I was reading to the kids when we got to a page that was stuck together. I pried the pages open only to discover a disgusting slimy substance squashed between the pages. When I wiped it with a diaper wipe it was yellowish----more SNOT yucky, yuk, yuk One of those darling babies must have sneezed into it! UGH The day before that, it was early morning and Noah had just finished a sippy cup of juice. I was holding him when he got a coughing attack and proceeded to vomit a snotty substance all over me. He missed himself completely as well as Mika's head but I was drenched. (I was wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms). I managed to scrape the tank top off without getting my hair. Both kids were crying and I ran to the bathroom, grabbed towels, wiped myself off, wiped snotty noses, threw the cover off the bed and sat between two crying sick babies. We put on "Busy People” for the 100th time and everyone got quiet. The remainder of the day was spent wiping snotty noses and watching DVDs and Videos. Later on I came out of the kitchen to find Noah sitting in the middle of a mound of white tissues, pulling them out of the box one at a time all 700 of them. I looked over at Mika a few feet away and she was staring at the rug. I crouched down beside her only to discover she was picking alphabet pasta out of a pile of cat puke and lining them up neatly in a row.”
Ah, the joys of parenting!

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I belong to a book group. This month we read A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. This is the same guy who wrote The Kite Runner. To summarize, this is a story about two women in Afganistan, before during and after the Taliban period. They are both treated brutally by a variety of people, most importantly, by the same husband (they are co-wives). They become unlikely best friends and when the husband attempts to kill one of them the other one protects her with the result being the death of the husband. Eventually, the “murderess” is killed (death penalty) for this act while the other woman escapes.
In our discussion of this book, the topic of what motivates people to perform acts of kindness, charity and selflessness was raised. Essentially, why do people do good things? A couple of our members argued that a belief in a supreme being was necessary along with a belief that one will be held accountable for one’s behavior in the afterlife. The majority of the group seemed to be surprised by this premise. I was one of them.
Does one have to be able to anticipate a reward in order to behave well? To many of us (including several in my book group) the behavior itself and, perhaps, the response it elicits in others is enough of a motivator. It even seems logical that the assumption that people will only be “good” if they can expect reward or judgment must be preceded by the assumption that people would naturally be more likely to behave badly if they thought they could get away with it. I don’t think this is true. I believe most of us desire to be better than we are, no matter how “good” we may seem to others. And this is just as true for atheists and agnostics as it is for Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and all the other religious preferences we can find.

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 08:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It’s two days until 2008 and time for some new year resolutions. I would like to resolve to be mindful and present every day of my life. But that may be too tall an order. Giving my full attention when someone else is speaking would be nice. Practicing acceptance of myself and others would be commendable. Eating only whole grain, organically and sustainably produced foods is a lofty goal. Tasting the food I chew and swallow would be fine.
Some of the above may seem easy to you, none of it is for me. I know that I will be able to continue my present habits, that’s what’s easy. Most of them are advantageous and even praiseworthy. I’ll go to work as scheduled and give a full measure of my effort to my job every day. I’ll enjoy and support my husband. I’ll love and care for my children, whether they want me to or not. I’ll re-use and recycle with all the passion I have for keeping our earth, water and air clean for future generations. Unfortunately, I’ll also read too much, sleep too much and promise to do things that I can’t or won’t accomplish.
So….perhaps I’ll just resolve to try one new thing in 2008. Maybe it will be a trip to somewhere I’ve never been, maybe a new food. Maybe I’ll skydive….not! What about you?

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 05:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This morning my newspaper reprinted the famous column from the Chicago Sun of 1897 in which its editor reassures Virginia O’Hanlon that there really is a Santa Claus. I have always enjoyed re-reading this column. I like it because of its overarching good will and its lack of specificity about who and what exactly is Santa Claus. It’s clear that its author believes in a Supreme Being but he leaves no clue from what religious tradition that Being originates. I appreciate the writer’s caution.
I have a complicated relationship with the December holidays. My parentage is half-Jewish and half sort of Christian with a large dollop of atheism thrown in. As a child we celebrated a completely secular Christmas. But as my life has unfolded, I have found my Jewish half exerting a stronger pull on my heart and spirituality. Still, December in the United States is all about Christmas.
This year my husband (who is 100% Jewish) produced a homemade, 5-foot-in-diameter Star of David for our front lawn. He wrapped it with multi-colored lights and hung one of the spiral lighted Christmas trees along side it in front of our house. I think this display is a perfect representation of who we are. We love the festivity of the season: the parties, the songs, the lights, the food, the gifts (and especially the time off from work). But underneath our celebration, in our hearts and our DNA, we remain Jewish with our own view of the world and our place within it.

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 09:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have a love-hate relationship with woodstoves. I love how warm and cozy I feel when I am sitting right next to one, reading an interesting book and drinking a cup of tea. I hate the mess left around the stove and along the trail from the woodpile as well as the choking, wood smoke that comes out of the chimney and joins with the smoke from our neighbors to create a suffocating inversion layer outside my bedroom window at night.
Before I moved here, I never ever saw a woodstove, in spite of growing up in the Northeast where winters are not for sissies. Where I grew up, we had steam radiators under the windows in every room. I guess the idea was that the cold air rattling through those single panes was moderated by the intense heat generated by the radiator it passed over on the way into the room. I don’t remember being cold as a child (though what child does?) so I guess the radiators worked.
I’ve seen some fascinating solutions to the home heating issue. Several years ago a friend of mine moved into a home that had solar-heated water circulating through thin pipes imbedded under the floors of the home. Her floors were deliciously warm to a bare foot throughout the winter. I’ve also heard of homes that are perfectly oriented on their lots to focus sunlight on a energy-collecting wall during the winter with the slight shift in the sun’s path during summer translating into no direct sun on the same wall during the hot months.
I am looking forward to one of the bright youngsters I have gotten to know coming up with the perfect solution to my love-hate dilemma. I’d still like to be able to sit close to a heat source when its cold outside but also wish for complete independence from the utility company. In the mean time, the sun is setting outside and the wind is starting to blow. Hope its not a “don’t light tonight” evening because I want to throw another log on the fire and settle down for a good read.

Posted by Laurie Feldman at 04:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)