Just a Guy

I was reminded recently by my girlfriend that I am indeed The Movie Whore. I was on a website with free streaming movies. I decided to watch Doom. You know the 2005 bomb staring none other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I have indeed seen the movie before and I do acknowledge it to be a steaming pile, however it's an entertaining steaming pile.

At least I think so. I am not saying I would own it but on a Saturday afternoon it's a nice diversion. My girlfriend seemed to be in pain as I told her what movie I had found and was planning to watch. She pointed out the groups of people it pissed off from the fans of the game to fans of Dwayne Johnson. She also made statements that it was the worst movie of the year that year, I got curious and know how to use Google.

Yes I searched out the worst movie of 2005. I got several results but the one that stood out was "Alone in the Dark" (Really bad game movie starring Christian Slater) as the worst movie of 2005. I could not disagree as I mistakenly watched this movie a second time because it was so bad I had blocked it out of my mind that I had originally seen it. Yes it is that bad. Then again I am the Movie Whore and should retain such knowledge. I watched Doom anyway. She gave me that "you really are just you" look and my day continued into the evening and I went to sleep.

Here is where I tell you that my girlfriend is the self proclaimed Queen of the Geeks. Not 2 hours prior to me writing this, the love of my life made a wonderful statement as we were discussing how to spend a $50 gift card she got. I recommended buying a copy of "Across the Universe" which was just released to video within the last couple of weeks. A great movie for any Beatles fan or for anyone alive during the Vietnam war that remembers the cultural things (Timothy Leary, anti-war protests, etc.) going on. I swear as God as my witness this wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, woman of my dreams said "We need to buy a copy of Ice Pirates."

This really is a movie that I love. It really is a horrible movie but is fun and entertaining. Keep in mind this is the same woman that gave me hell for watching, not buying or suggesting a purchase of the movie "Doom" just sitting down and letting it stream to my computer. For some reason this strikes me as funny and I really don't know if anyone can really appreciate the laugh I get out of this but I am smiling as I am typing. What is the point of all this?

Well here is a list of bad movies that really are entertaining. When I say bad movie I am referring to the B-movie. Movies that were made to be bad but entertaining.

* Bubba Hotep, starring none other than the king of the B-movies Bruce Campbell. Other works of Mr. Campbell that bare mentioning here are Evil Dead, the whole trilogy and generally speaking any movie he appears in. I can't wait to see "My Name is Bruce" where he plays himself. A small town is being attacked by monsters or something and they all see Bruce as Ash (His Evil Dead persona) and come to him for help. Should be horribly hilarious.

* Rocky Horror Picture Show is arguably the greatest cult classic of all time and has secured a space for Tim Curry in history that will never be removed. Love this movie. This is a horrible movie by any standards, but is quite possibly one of the most entertaining movies ever, especially if you can find a theatre that will play it on the big screen. Do your own research to find out what I am talking about. Google is a click away.

* Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey. Horrible movies about time travel and the afterlife but again quite entertaining and the best acting Keanu Reeves has ever done. By the way what ever happened to Alex Winter? Apparently he can be seen in a series that was on USA called "Saul of the Mole Men" , own it.

* Men at Work. Charlie and Emilio made this crappy movie and it was actually pretty damn funny. Garbage men find a dead body and uncover a conspiracy to dump toxic waste off the coast of southern California. Great one liners. Own it.

* Starship Troopers, the original. Bad movie, bad acting, bad dialogue, bad bad bugs. If you ever just want to sit back and watch death and destruction then this is a fun movie. Giant bugs, the big man on campus becoming a soldier and a leader, and to top it all off NPH. That's right boys and girls former star of Doogie Howser MD, Neil Patrick Harris. No NPH wouldn't do that. Well he did and I own it.

* Godzilla 2000 makes up for that serious piece of crap with Matthew Broderick that pissed off every Godzilla fan on the Planet. Here is Japans wonderful answer to that waste of film. Yes it is the guy in the rubber suit but that is part of what made Godzilla great when I was I kid watching bad movie after movie after Saturday morning cartoons were done. Own it.

* Big Trouble in Little China is one I proudly own. Kurt Russell is a whore. He is probably also quietly one of the greatest actors of our time but rarely does a movie to showcase his actual talent. Instead he often takes on projects that let him have fun. The Thing, Overboard, Escape From New York/LA, Tango and Cash to name a few. Big Trouble in Little China is again a horrible movie but you can't help but to get sucked in and by the time it's over you realize no matter how bad a movie is it can still be entertaining. Own it.

* Serial Mom is one I throw in because it is just plain funny. Kathleen Turner plays the a woman that most of would want to slap if we met her. Beverly Suthpin is the all American housewife. Makes pies, recycles, is part of the PTA, does not allow you to chew gum in her house, goes bird watching and on the side is killing people all over town. Worth the watch, one I own.

* The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension is the grand daddy of them all. Peter Weller, Jeff Goldblum, John Lithgow, Clancy Brown and Ellen Barkin. Buckaroo has a Japanese father and white American mommy and he is a physicist, a neural surgeon, has a rock band and just happens to be the guy the president calls when shit goes down. This movie is the epitome of a B-Movie complete with bad acting , bad dialogue, bad special effects, bad music and a lot of fun. Of course this is my most prized possession.

Feel free to share some of your B-Movie favorites. You may have one that I, The Movie Whore has not seen. Thanks for playing C-ya on the flip side.