Each of us is unique. We have diverse viewpoints, and we approach life from distinguishing points of view. Yet, it seems the biggest disparity in perspective you can get is between how men see the world, and how women view it. It seems to taste, feel, smell and even sound different. There are a plethora of books out there attempting to explain this communication conundrum, Dr. Phil spends a ginormous amount of time trying to clarify for the masses, we even have sitcoms based on the hilarity that is a man and a woman trying to converse.
So why not try it out ourselves?
The point of this column? To decipher psychological, social and cultural issues, from the viewpoints of a man and a woman; to possibly further understanding between the virtual gender gap; and to have a bit of fun picking apart a fraction of pop-culture.
Nonetheless, I will shoulder the responsibility of being spokesman for my gender, and try to shed some light on this complex issue of communication.
One problem is that people dont really listen. The trick there is, to listen to the subtitles. Until the technology exists to actually put subtitles under what a woman is saying, this means pay attention to subtle cues such as a kitchen appliance flying past your head.
Heres an example conversation:
Her: I think we should talk about us.
Subtitle: We should talk about us.
Him: OK.
Subtitle: I feel trapped.
Her: Why are you so uncomfortable talking about personal issues?
Subtitle: Why are you so uncomfortable talking about personal issues?
Him: Im not uncomfortable. Im just happy with how things are.
Subtitle: Did you know termite farts are a major contributor to global warming?
Wow!
Her: How can you be happy with how things are? We dont even talk!
Subtitle: How can you be happy? We never talk!
Him: Yes we do. Were talking right now.
Subtitle: How can they fart that much?
Her: I know, but youre not really sharing your feelings.
Subtitle: You make me want to puke. Im going to cheat on you.
Him: Yes I am!
Subtitle: I wonder if all that fart gas could be used to power, like, a car or something.
Obviously, communication between the sexes has a long way to go. I look forward to this opportunity to explore gender topics with my very smart, sexy co-columnist. Subtitle: I better be nice or shell fire me. Controlling harpy. I need a beer.
She Said:
I am so excited about this opportunity!
I am fascinated by the topic of gender, the differences between feminine and masculine, communication styles (or sometimes miscommunications styles), and opposing understandings of the world. And what better way to explore this topic, then by discussing different ideas from the male and female perspective? Its something Ive wanted to do for a long time, and I have finally found a semi-intelligent guy (he is a guy!) whos willing to give it a shot.
Men and women do view the world differently; sometimes its as opposite as night and day. And we are so infiltrated with ideas of what men should be, or what women should be. So, what happens when you fall outside those lines? Or you dont agree with them? What is it like to be a man or a woman in todays pop culture society? Gender is such an integral part of our identity. We are constantly reminded, sometimes overtly and sometimes covertly, what it means to be considered masculine or feminine. We all have ideas of what we believe is normal or natural behavior for a member of our sex.
But with changing views, the onset of the feminist movement, and people everywhere fighting to be who they want to be, rather than who they should be. Men are taking on relational roles, participating in cooking and cleaning, and actively taking part in care giving. While women are working out of the home, earning professional positions, and significantly contributing to household finances.
So what dose that do to our ideas of gender? What is the relationship among communication, culture, and gender? Is there a gender gap? And how do we use communication to express our masculinity and femininity when we interact with others? These are all questions that need answering. Its time to start talking about it, and working towards a new definition!
His & Hers: a male vs. female point of view, appears every Monday right here at iconoclastic
Brutus is the nom de plume of Chico writer, musician and philosopher Bythos Lewis. He’s not really a philosopher, but he wrote this himself and wanted to use “nom de plume” and “philosopher” in the same paragraph.
Technorati: relationships, dating, he said, she said, his & hers, introduction
Mar 6, 2007wow! it’s wonderful to know that all i really need to be happy is some chocolate, a diamond or two, and a little wine! if only i would have figured this out sooner! he he he!
but i agree, i feel the pressure to be tough, cutting edge, independent and rude, because if im not, i may be viewed as a weak woman *enter scary horror music* and that would be HORRIBLE!
our glue is missing, and i think we are going to need to work together to figure out how we can mesh with one another again. how we can be ladies and gentlemen, without reverting back to archaic ideals of demure and macho sans feet rubbing, feet are gross!
Mar 6, 2007great job you two! this was hilarious and very true. I believe there is hope for men and women to see things the same way if the lines of communication are kept open and the needs and differences are respected on both ends..it isn’t easy, but I think it can be done.
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5:52 pm
From a man’s perspective:
Her: I think we should talk about us.
Subtitle: I feel insecure about a lot of things and feel the need to hammer this one out now.
Him: OK.
Subtitle: Excellent timing. I’ve been awake for 19 hours, at work for 15 of those and I just dragged myself into bed.
Her: Why are you so uncomfortable talking about personal issues?
Subtitle: You’re not paying enough attention to my needs. Such as chocolate, wine, and diamonds.
Him: Im not uncomfortable. Im just happy with how things are.
Subtitle: And I’m too tired to get into a deep discussion right now. Except if its about termite farts contributing to global warming, that’s kinda cool.
Her: How can you be happy with how things are? We dont even talk!
Subtitle: I want chocolate, wine, and diamonds.
Him: Yes we do. Were talking right now.
Subtitle: I thought you wanted to talk about why we don’t communicate. Instead you’re stone-walling me into feeling bad because we don’t talk.
Her: I know, but youre not really sharing your feelings.
Subtitle: Chocolate is good, wine is good, diamonds are sparkly, and that’s good.
Him: Yes I am!
Subtitle: Okay, I feel tired, I feel trapped, and I feel like you don’t consider my point of view as valid.
As a side note I’ve been noticing that as we “evolve” our gender roles we’ve lost the desire for women to be ladies, and men to be gentlemen. Everyone has to be tough, cutting edge, independent, and rude to each other. What happened to little acts of civility like “please” and “thank you” and “Dear (non gender specific), you look tired from your day. Here’s some wine, let me rub your feet”. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, and other random acts of kindness are the glue that holds us together. Where’s our glue?!?!?