Iconoclastic

Only a small percentage of communication involves actual words: 7%, to be exact. In fact, 55% of communication is visual (body language, eye contact) and 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice).

Carmine Gallo, Body Language: A Key to Success in the Workplace from Business Week

But it got me thinking, if communication is an essential part of workplace success, could it be an essential part of dating success as well?

Since I have never paid particular attention to my own body language I had to do some backwards thinking. In which situations do I feel comfortable with myself, and how do people react to me? In which situations do I feel uncomfortable with myself, and how do people react to me?

In the intermingling-with-the-opposite-sex context, I usually feel comfortable with myself when I don’t feel there is an attraction; either I’m not attracted to them, or I’m confident their not attracted to me. It seems to take some pressure from the situation, and I am more able to ‘be myself’. When I feel there is no attraction, I act confidently, and people usually respond to me with interest and amusement. When I feel there is an attraction, I sometimes act apprehensive and timid, and people react to me with apathy and ennui. So how do I hone in on the confident behavior, while avoiding hesitant insecurity? Apparently, by paying more attention to my body language.

Gallo said, “People want to feel special. They want to feel as though you are speaking to them directly or that they are the most important person in the room during your conversation. Breaking eye contact is a surefire way to break the connection.” But how easy is it to do that when you’re totally ‘in like’ with someone? Eye contact can be a difficult task to accomplish when you’re in front of business associates, giving a speech on something you totally know! Insert additional complications like sexual attraction and personal interest, and you have a surefire recipe for disaster.

Our body language, in any situation, may be conveying messages we didn’t even know we were sending, and can be easily misinterpreted. An action that conveys the message, “I find you creepy,” could just as easily mean “I am insecure with myself,” the base communication being “I feel uncomfortable”. And the opposite is true as well, an action that exclaims, “You’re totally hot!” could just as easily mean “I feel confident”, misrepresenting self-assurance with attraction. Could this be the logic behind the ‘beauty and the beast’ conundrum? Is this why people we’re not attracted to at all, find us irresistible? The body language?

So how do we muddle through this myriad of messages, hidden meanings, and complicated communication? How do we traverse the trepid world of body language? My guess, act confident, even if your not, because confidence is a major aphrodisiac! What do you think?