Iconoclastic

2. The Butterflies are M.I.A
When you really like someone, as opposed to just-getting-to-know-them-because-there-are-no-other-options-at-the-current-moment, then the butterflies will be abundant. When the phone rings they will flutter in the depths of your stomach, because it may be him. When you get the text message that says, “Good Morning cutie, have a splendoriffic day!” you find the butterflies have migrated to your heart while you type out, “U 2!” And when you know your going to see him, the butterflies have O.D.’d on riddiline, and can be found all of the miscellaneous extremities of your body. If, however, you are searching for the butterflies, and all you find is a rouge tick, it just ain’t never gonna work.

3. They’re Rude
Ok, we all know that when a guy is rude to us, it’s austa lasagna, don’t get any one ya! But there are other forms of rudeness that we must be on the watch for. If he is rude to the essential people who make fun date night’s possible, i.e. waters, bartenders, cab drivers, etc. this is a sign that he has no respect for people in general. And although he may be on his best date behavior at the moment, his rudeness will soon turn to you. Bottom line, rude = it just ain’t never gonna work.

4. Bad Sex
The first time with a new partner is always a little awkward. It’s new, and unfamiliar, and we all have issues with how good we look, feel, smell, act, move, etc. So it’s never fair to judge off a first encounter, every one deserves a second chance right? But if the sex gets a big fat F more than three times in a row, or you find yourself filled with excuses why you don’t want to engage in out of clothing activities, that’s a bad sign. If it gets to sex, and the sex sucks, it just ain’t never gonna work.

5. The Dirty Bird
No, I am not talking about the birds with feathers and wings here. I am talking about the general appearance of ones self, ones home, and ones life. In the first couple of date encounters, if a guy can’t take the time to make sure he has on a clean shirt and smells decent, how much dose he value you? And the first time checking out his pad, if it’s a mess what dose that say about his desire to impress you? The fact of the matter is, a dirty bird means a lack of interest, and that just ain’t never gonna work.

6. Huh!?!
He fly’s off the handle because you said something, and you don’t know what ‘something’ was. You voice an opinion, and his feelings get hurt. It feels like you are always doing something wrong, no matter what you’re doing. Sometimes people just come from two different ways of thinking, and they just never see eye to eye. But really, do you want a relationship that makes you feel like your always a failure. If it feels like a struggle, it just ain’t never gonna work.

7. Huh!?! Again
You are at the park, staring into the sky, and you say, “Doesn’t the sky look blue today?” He turns to you and snarkly replies, “It’s more of a aquamarine.” “Let’s go for Mexican” you say. “How dose The Rice Bowl sound?” he replies. It’s like a French woman trying to communicate with a German man, something is getting lost in translation. Or is it he’s just not listeneing. Whatever the reason, if you feel like your not being understood, or heard, it just ain’t never gonna work.

8. The Smell of Someone After it’s Rained
The fresh smell of rain is one of the best scents in the world! So good, that we have tried to bottle it to scent our homes with. So if this magical elixir of freshness and renewal brings out a smell in your new love to be that says… umm, yuck! It may be time to rethink the situation. Smell in general is a way of attracting new partners, that’s why we spend so much money on perfumes and soaps. So if you catch a whiff and struggle to stop yourself from making a stinky face, it just ain’t never gonna work.

9. Danger Zone: Anger Ahead
He’s just had a bad day at work, his friends really upset him, that guy cut him off, and his neighbor’s dog just won’t quit barking. We all have bad days, it’s just a fact of life. But if it seems he is having more bad days than good, and there is always a reason for him to be angry at someone about something, chances are he is never going to be fun to be around. There is a difference between complaining to get out frustration, and being angry about something all the time. If you always feel like you’re entering a danger zone, it just ain’t never gonna work.

10. The Three Day Test
Admit it, when you have met someone new and you’re interested you want to spend every free second with them. That doesn’t mean you get too, just that you want too. It’s part of being in like. So, if you suddenly stop and realize it’s been three days since you’ve seen them, and that doesn’t’ really bother you, it means your not really diggin’ on them as hard as once supposed. If you take the three day test and fail to want to spend time (or he isn’t working to correct this situation), it just ain’t never gonna work.