His & Hers: First Date Advice
Featuring guest writer: Jordan Frazer
The first date… pure torture!?! There is the outfit, the location, the hair, the breath, and 50 billion other things you’re so busy worrying about, you forget to be yourself. It’s like an American Idol audition, and although the judge may not be criticizing you on national television, it doesn’t mean they are any less harsh then Simon on a bad day. So what are the keys to mastering that first date experience? What is that person you’re meeting for coffee looking for? And what talents will you be judged on? Let’s ask our resident dating experts for their advice.
He Said:
The first date thing can be a horrid experience...it can also turn out to be a great time. From a guy's perspective its nerve wracking. You want to be creative, but not too weird; spontaneous, but not a spaz; assertive, but not aggressive. Girls, here's some advice to make things a bit easier on your future prospective mate.
Voice Your Opinon: He's got you on the phone, says he's thinking about going to some restaurant and you're thinking "I hate that place, it's a hole". Tell him. He'd rather know that you're not into his idea than take you somewhere you're going to be miserable at. Been dying to try someplace? Speak up and say so!
Be On Time: Nothing is worse for a guy than showing up at your door to have your mom/dad/brother/roomie/whatever say you're about 30 minutes behind and then sit him down to grill him while you primp. Even if they're being friendly it's still a bit uncomfortable and not the way to start a first date.
Don't Go Changing Things: This goes for "blind" first dates. With internet dating so popular right now the first "real" date is just like a blind date. Pictures don't do you justice and you're going to look different. So if you tell him you'll be at a certain place wearing a red sweater and blue jeans, be there, wearing that. Don't decide you like the yellow dress better that day...it's hard enough for guys to walk up to a total "stranger" and ask if they're so-and-so without it being the wrong person.
Three's a Crowd: I know first dates are a bit scary for you gals. I get it. But if you're planning on bringing someone along with you, mention it BEFORE the date begins. Chances are good that we'll say "no problem" if we really like you.
Cut and Run is Okay: Not having fun on a date sucks, Want to cut the date short? Okay, do it after dinner but before the movie. If you're not having fun, we're probably not either and we'd rather it be cut short and save time and money than continue to waste time and money.
On the Other Hand: Had a great time? Me too! Want to lean in and kiss me? For goodness sakes do it. Want to invite me in? That's fine too. It's a brave new world. If you're comfortable and I'm comfortable then there's nothing wrong. If I'm not, I'll say so.
What are the Rules Again?: Now is it I have to call within 48 hours? Can't call before 48 hours? If I'm wearing red socks it means I'm compensating for other "short" comings? Forget the rules, please? Cut us some slack if we don't abide by whatever pre-conceived notion of how things are supposed to go. We didn't get the memo.
She Said:
Oh the first date. The outfit, the hair, the makeup. What will he think? Will I like him? Will he like me? Oh, the drama! That’s right gents, we are nervous as all heck too. So, here are a couple of things we’re looking for, to make this date night go as smoothly as possible.
Movie Theaters
A trip to the movies is never a good first date idea. There is no opportunity to talk and get to know each other, which is what women are looking for. Instead you are sitting next to someone you barely know in a dark theater filled with a whole bunch of other people you don’t know wondering when the movie will be over so you can talk. I understand dinner can be a big commitment, so start off with drinks at a restaurant, that way you can progress to dinner if things are going well – or not.
Dress is important
I’m not expecting an Armani suit for dinner at Tres, but something a little better than holey jeans and a dirty tee shirt would be nice. Girls focus on clothes. And you can bet we’ve tried on at least three outfits to see what accents the butt and makes us look skinny. We go through this hassle because we’re interested in you, and we will interpret your lack of attention to appearance as you not being very interested in us. So save your favorite grunge tee shirt for date three, pull out the button up collar and try to impress. And on the topic of personal hygiene, please comb your hair, do not wear a hat on a first date unless you are going to a baseball game or a rodeo, and one spray of cologne is enough, no really, you don’t need to wear the whole bottle, if I like the smell, I will lean in to get some more of it, as opposed to covering my face with a napkin to escape it.
Chit Chat
There are appropriate things to talk about on the first date, and there are the things you should steer clear of. Your crazy ex, your obsession with feet, or the love of your life who cheated on you are topics that should be avoided at all costs. I would also recommend not talking about your macho need to beat people up, your best “drunk-with-the-guys” stories, or any incident that involves a stripper. These stories don’t actually impress girls, they get us searching for the nearest bathroom with a big enough window to fit out of.
The next day call
So, the date went well. There was a sweet goodnight kiss at the end. And you wake up in the morning excited that you’ve met this awesome girl. CALL HER. That’s right. Chances are, if you think she’s great, she thinks the same about you. So call her and thank her for the wonderful time you had, possibly make plans to hang out later in the week, but whatever you do, don’t make that totally male move and wait 48 hours to call. Nothing will interest into annoyance faster then sitting by the phone waiting for him to call.
Men and women throughout the ages
Have had diverse points of view
Hers is this, His is that
Which one works for you?
Jordan Frazer is the author of the blog Buying the Cow. He is a 27 year old resident of Susanville, who survived the dating scene and got married about 18 months ago.
His & Hers: a male vs. female point of view, appears every Monday right here at iconoclastic
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