His & Hers: What Makes Men Fall in Love?
Featuring guest writer: Jordan Frazer
This is the intro to an article written for Men’s Health entitled What Makes Men Fall in Love? By David Zinczenko (Posted on Thursday March 15, 2007)
Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men’s Health from men seeking relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man’s stomach churns like a slushy machine when he’s in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.
When you consider that half of men say that they’re currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right place at the right time tat kick-start many a relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall – and stay – in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8 percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let’s delve a little deeper. What exactly dose that mean, and what kind of woman dose a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men’s tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of “24,” these are some of things that many men value in “the one.”
He Said:
Men's Health Magazine, aside from being a fantastic health and fitness magazine, regularly publishes articles about relationships. Recently they published a piece compiling the four major attributes that guys look for in prospective mates. These come from the hundreds of reader letters received each year. The headings are taken straight from the article, the comments are my take.
A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him
Hey, I like to be admired as much as anyone else but there comes a time where admiration turns clingy, and that's a major red flag. There's another huge problem with over-admiration, too. It puts a person up on a pedestal, expected to achieve goals that are way beyond his grasp, and when he can't live up to that high expectation, the crash is severe and ugly. Guys like to be admired as much as women, but we also like to see them have a passion for a hobby, fitness, their family, or whatever.
A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time
I like to hang out with my wife. We're friends, its why we got married. Friendship is good in a marriage. I also like to have some guy time, too. And it doesn't necessarily need to be other guy time, it might just be "this" guy time....as in alone time. No matter how cool a girl is hanging out with they guys, the group can never be as relaxed or free as when the ratio of X to Y chromosomes is 1:1. It's like I said in last week's piece, guys are friends because they share interests, so when a group of guys get together they want to discuss those shared interests without the feeling of excluding or boring the girls of the group.
A Woman with a Strut
A little self-confidence is a huge factor in finding a woman desirable and mate-worthy. A girl that can take my crap and return fire is nice. It's cool to have a girl on your side that can walk into the room like she owns the joint and then after a short time have everyone believing that she does.
A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties
Okay, I don't wear ties but you get the idea. This is a tricky area. We've all seen the guys (usually old) who walk out of the house wearing pastel plaid pants and a t-shirt with a huge iron-on horse on the front. These are guys who let their wives dress them and it's turned into some sort of cruel joke on the part of the woman. These guys are beaten and given up. My wife's a little better than that. Occasionally I'll put on some clothes to go out somewhere and she'll give me a look that clearly conveys "You can wear that if you want, but it won't be around me". Sometimes she's right and I re-think my dress, sometimes I just don't care and I stick with what I have on. It's nice to have a woman around with a little fashion sense to set you straight, as long as you don't end up the brunt of a long running fashion joke.
She Said:
When I read this article I thought a couple of things. First, this guy is a freaking genius! Just look at how articulate and honest he is. Second, is this true, can it really be this easy? And third, is David single? I’ll admit it, I was crushin’ a little. Well, I did a little digging around, and my genius David is dating some actress, but it still gave me some hope. Maybe there are guys out there who know how to express what they want, are attracted to confidence, independence, and a woman who has good taste. David confirmed that there is a slushy machine in there, however hidden it may be, which someday I possibly will find the on-switch too.
So, women of the world, here are the things we need to possess to produce feelings of love – not lust – in our sexual counterparts.
Passion in Something Other Than Him = Independence
That’s right, independence is sexy… very sexy. Think about it like this, would you want to be with a guy who desired to spend every second with you, called you ten times a day, and was waiting at your house for you when you got home? Honestly? No! You’d run screaming for the hills! If you don’t like it, he won’t either. Remember, to make a “we” it takes a “you” and a “me”. Adding a “me-consumed-with-you” is a recipe for disaster.
A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time = Trust
Him wanting to spend time with the guy’s doth not equal “I don’t like you anymore.” It simply means he needs some male bonding time, and do you really want to hang out with him while he grunts at a T.V. screen and practices his beer burp? No, since you are an independent woman, you have other things you want to do anyway, like catch up on that issue of Cosmo! Trust that he’s hanging with the guys because he misses his friends, and trust that when he’s done with the friends, he’ll miss you!
A Woman with A Strut = Confidence
Confidence is a magical elixir which intoxicates men, it is alluring. When it emanates from you naturally, he won’t be able to take his eyes off you. So practice being confident, remind yourself how beautiful you are on the inside and out, and what a catch you are to any man who gets you. If you know how wonderful you are, then there’s no way he’s gonna miss it!
A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties = A Woman with Good Taste, Period!
Sometimes we all need a little fashion help, you remember that call before your last date to your best friend – “Should I go with the jeans or the skirt?” We seek this advice for two reasons: we all want to look our best, and we all need to know someone cares enough to tell us we look fantabulos! Men are no different. So remember, he’s not looking for you to revamp his wardrobe. He wants to hear that you find him attractive (or possibly minor pointers that will make him irresistible) and he wants to know you care enough to pay attention.
So that’s it ladies. The men have told us it is this simple. Now it’s time to go out and test this advice!
Men and women throughout the ages
Have had diverse points of view
Hers is this, His is that
Which one works for you?
Jordan Frazer is the author of the blog Buying the Cow. He is a 27 year old resident of Susanville, who survived the dating scene and got married about 18 months ago.
His & Hers: a male vs. female point of view, appears every Monday right here at iconoclastic
Technorati: relationships, dating, he said, she said, his & hers, men in love, Men's Health, David Zinczenko