His & Hers: How To Be Broken Up With
Featuring guest writer: Jordan Frazer
Last week we discussed how to break up with someone, and how “breaking up is hard to do.” So, naturally, it follows that some advice on how to deal when someone else is doing the breaking, and you’re the broken. Here’s some advice from the he, and the she, of the situation.
He Said:
So, the sad day's come. That guy or gal you've been into for the past several weeks/months/years/whatever has let you know that you are now officially a "persona non gratis". It is now safe to browse the personal adds. "Everyone with a steady date step forward! No, not you."
So, how do you handle this? Here's how. Pick yourself up, piece together the scraps of dignity you can find, and move on.
It's understandable that you feel horrible. What did you do wrong? What could you have done better? Is it all you? Mostly you? Somewhat you?
The biggest deal about getting broken up with is that it's a blow to your ego. If you were really putting your all into the relationship and giving it your best, it means that your best wasn't good enough. It's a bit of a blow to your self-worth.
The truly important thing is to act with dignity. Uncontrollable crying, fits of rage, begging, promising to change, and the like will do nothing to fix the situation and win you back your mate. Nor will acts of revenge against your now former fling.
Call a good friend, they've been though it too. Talk it over, go out to someplace that you enjoy that won't remind you of "them", and start the rebuilding process. Look on the bright side: You're SINGLE again!
She Said:
You feel as if your whole world has been turned upside down. It’s hard to eat, it’s hard to sleep, and you have started a new love affair with two men… Ben and Jerry. Yet before you succumb to temptation and call and beg for him back, or gain that 15 pounds you just lost working your butt off, remember you will make it through this, and remember the cardinal sins of breakup behavior.
Do Not Call Him This is a must, no matter what, no exceptions, for at least two weeks. His dog was hit by a car and killed; send flowers and a nice card. DO NOT CALL. You both need time to heal from the hurt of a breakup, and to decide what you want. If you are talking to one another, even on the phone or via e-mail, it is too easy to fall back into familiar patterns.
Do Not Take His Phone Calls Nice try, you read the above rule thinking to yourself, “I’ll just wait ‘til he calls me then” huh? Trying to get around a technicality? Sorry, but if he calls, let it go to voicemail, and then erase it. Two weeks means two weeks, and you should let that time pass without ANY communication betwixt the two of you. This is especially if he calls to say he is “just checking in”. This is translated from guy to mean, “I want to hear how miserable you are without me”. Don’t give him the satisfaction, by not answering when he calls.
Don’t start hanging out at his favorite: bar, gym, restaurant, insert any other place you may find him here I know, we all dream that the ex will find us in the midst of a hot first date at some place we used to frequent together, but reality will never be as cool as your dream. You will most likely come of as a scary stalker type, who is following him around trying to make him jealous. And be honest, that is what you’re trying to do isn’t it. Avoid this by avoiding him, it will be better for the both of you.
Don’t count on getting back together That doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. If it dose great, but if (and possibly more likely) you do not get back together, you have moved on with your life, and are probably happier anyway! Remember, you broke up for a reason, and you don’t really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you… do you?
Every time you think to yourself, “That rule applies to other situations, but not to mine.” Remember you are running the risk of being labeled the “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” and that is not how you want to be remembered. You want to be “That Cool Girl Who I NEVER Should Have Broken Up With”. So find some friends, have some fun, and keep on!
Men and women throughout the ages
Have had diverse points of view
Hers is this, His is that
Which one works for you?
Jordan Frazer is the author of the blog Buying the Cow. He is a 27 year old resident of Susanville, who survived the dating scene and got married about 18 months ago.
His & Hers: a male vs. female point of view, appears every Monday right here at iconoclastic
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