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August 21, 2007

Truth


truth (trōōth)
n.,pl. truths (trōōthz, trōōths).
1. conformity to fact or actuality
2. sincerity; integrity
3. fidelity to an original or standard
4. reality; actuality
5. a weapon; used to reflect onto others while hiding from it yourself
6. a cop-out
7. something many people preach, but few people actually find
8. ugly, and yet beautiful
9. the resting spot of ignorant and scared people
10. LIES


“Truth,” one of the many American words consistently used out of context. People throw around the term without understanding what it means. We say, “The truth is…” when what we mean is “Here is my interpretation of what happened.” Fact or actuality is always based on the scrutiny of the person giving them. Reality is an opinion, and fidelity to an original translates into ‘what is easiest for me to accept?’ It is all about perception.



Perceptive people love to tell you the truth. They delve in, starting with what you’re hiding from and moving to why you’re scared. They tell you why you’re hiding, and why it’s wrong. They tell you their truth. And yet, that perceptive eye is never turned inward. Hiding behind a distorted version, a version that makes them feel better, a version that protects them. They hide until something comes along and distorts this version, and then they must go in search of the “truth” again.

People always complain about the playground bully, who only puts others down to make himself feel better. The world is plagued with truth bullies. Throwing “truths” out at others so they can hide from it themselves. They make you feel insecure, transparent; and they use that to get close, to make the real kill. You let them in because they understand; you believe what they have to say. No one has ever made you feel so cared for. No one else has ever understood. And this is why the truth hurts, because soon you find the truth is a lie, and you are launched back to a worse place then where you started.

~ ~ ~

The truth is in the eye of the beholder.

~ ~ ~

I once read somewhere trust was a limited resource. That it is possible to have all of your trust broken, and then you can trust no more. I believe every time your trust is broken in return you get a brick. You also get bricks when you are hurt, disappointed, or let down. You begin getting bricks during childhood, brick by brick you lay the foundation to a wall, the older you get the more bricks you collect. Last time I showed that part it hurt BRICK, last time I said that they laughed BRICK, that’s too personal BRICK BRICK. Soon the wall becomes impermeable. This wall has a singular purpose, to protect who you truly are. People can look through the windows, or over the top, but they can no longer get in to steal anything from you.

Every time you meet someone you give away a part of yourself, sometimes the part will be traded, sometimes it will be touched and returned, and sometimes it will be stolen and other parts will have to fill its space, but the part will never be the same. You will never be the same. The wall protects the places where parts have been stolen, and warns you when you begin to give too much.

~ ~ ~

The mind works in jumbled, juxtaposed thought. Starting with something and talking itself full circle before realizing it’s gotten nowhere. Making some sense, making full sense, making no sense at all, it plunges on. And one day BOOM! It all comes together. It’s no longer rambling, it’s now a self-realization; a doorway into yourself; a light in the darkness.

The human mind never makes sense. We are full of hypocrisies and opposing opinions. That is what allows us to feel, gives us emotion. The trick is to realize this and try to work through it.


~ ~ ~


The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 08:52 AM | | Comments (1)

August 19, 2007

Dwelling

I am a dweller. It can be weeks, even months after a breakup and I will still be thinking about it. What would I say to him if given the opportunity, how would he act, how would I act?

I feel I need to make this admission. I should go to a group and stand in the middle of the dimly lit circle and say, “Hi, my name is Meagan.”

“Hi Meagan”

“This is my first time at dwellers anonymous; I have been single for… well, longer than I care to admit. And I am a dweller.”

My dwelling takes many forms, sometimes I am a cave dweller, sometimes I am a mountain dweller, and sometimes I am a bottom dweller – like the bottom of a murky, mucky, moss and seaweed infested, ameba filled bottom dweller. It is times like these that my dwelling is the most problematic.

So I thought possibly admitting to my problem will help me.

It’s not like my dwelling affects anyone but me… well, I guess my friends and family would beg to differ, since they are forced to listen to me recount conversations and actions that took place eons ago – overanalyzing every nanosecond in an attempt to find answers to a question that was never posed. But it’s not like I am a stalking dweller. I don’t call him up in the middle of the night begging for an explanation… most of the time. Although, if we are going to be honest, I do have the tendency to read more into things – in a wishful thinking attempt to get what I want – and then get very hurt when things don’t turn out to be the way I thought they were going to be. But honestly, we all have faults, and mine only hurt me – so I guess on the whole, I’m not that bad off.

What are your relationship faults? And do you dwell on relationships way past their expatriation date?

Posted by Meagan Dixon at 09:26 PM | | Comments (3)

August 17, 2007

Oh How I Love Random Conversation

Boy 1: Come on Meagan, let's go swimming

Me: I didn't bring a suit

Boy 2: That's ok, you can go in your underwear

Me: NO! I don't really like swimming, I'm scared of water

Boy 1: I have a degree in swimming, I will teach you how.

Boy 2: I'm a certified lifeguard

Boy 3 (outta nowhere): Yeah Meagan, it's like Allstate, you'll be in good hands!

Posted by Meagan Dixon at 04:52 PM | | Comments (0)

This may explain so much

You Communicate Like a Man
When you communicate, you like to get to the point.
You're not afraid to say what's on your mind - and leave it at that.
Talking about your emotions drains you. You rather keep them to yourself.
You prefer solving problems to wallowing in your sorrows.

I get absolutely addicted to these things... they're so much fun! If you have a spare moment you should check them out and try one or two!

Heck, if you want to post the results in my comments - I will share with the world what type of super hero you are - or where you should spend your summer vacation!

Have a great weekend y'all!

Posted by Meagan Dixon at 04:33 PM | | Comments (9)

August 14, 2007

The Furies


I was so enraged with him. It went way past the margin of annoyance, beyond the boundaries of irritation, it was – in fact – borderline fury. An intense, disordered and destructive rage – even if the destruction was more self-induced and self-inflicted.

In Greek mythology, the Furies were the three goddesses of vengeance - the jealous, the constant anger and the avenger of murder. Horrible to look at, the Furies had snakes for hair and blood dripping from their eyes. And without mercy, the Furies would punish crimes not within the reach of human justice. How better would you describe a crime of the heart?

In my world I was the goddess of vengeance, looking for retribution for the injury done to my heart. And I was horrible to look at, bed head hair and tears dripping from my eyes. Without mercy, I wanted to punish him for the pain he had caused me.



What crime had been committed, so evil that it was worth the wrath of an injured woman? Betrayal, of the worst kind – betrayal of trust. He led me astray, and delivered me into the arms of my enemy – love.

He used phrases like ‘my favorite’, ‘perfect’, ‘cute’, ‘love’, ‘my friend’. He threw them around, not understanding what they meant to me, not possessing the power to comprehend the significance of his message.

I found out to late that I was none of those things. He was an emotional gigolo, variably jumping from one woman to the next in his quest for emotional sustenance. Ravaging through my affective aspect of consciousness like a hungry wolf on a binge. Not respecting that knowingly or not – he had created a connection that was binding, at least on my side.

So I enacted my vengeance in a way I knew would wound him most. I wrote – vaguely – about a man who was not perfect, who was not kind, who was not innocent. I wrote about a man who had hurt me purposefully, without concern or compassion. I wrote about a man who was the opposite of who he thinks himself to be.

I wrote all these things, and then I allowed him to read it - and wonder if it was about him.


~ ~ ~


The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 03:50 PM | | Comments (2)

Why I Write


I have had a couple of people question my desire to write in the past couple of weeks – which is not a bad thing. It is important to understand why we do the things we do.

What I find to be extremely interesting is that whenever I am faced with some question about life or another – the answer always seems to present itself to me – and sometimes I am even paying attention.



After having a rather blunt conversation with one of my brilliant male friends (who told me he thought my writing was ‘selling out’), I have been seriously questioning my need to write, my purpose. And yesterday, I was going through some books, when an oldie but goodie by Natalie Goldberg fell open, and this is what I read:

Obsessions: Writers end up writing about their obsessions. Things that haunt them; things they can’t forget; stories they carry in their bodies waiting to be released.

I have my writing groups make lists of their obsessions so that they can see what they unconsciously (and consciously) spend their waking hours thinking about. After you write them down you can put them to good use. You have a list of things to write about. And your main obsessions have power; they are what you will come back to in your writing over and over again. And you’ll create new stories around the. So you might well give in to them. They probably take over your live whether you want them to or not, so you ought to get them to work for you.

There is a freedom in being a writer and writing. It is fulfilling your function. I used to think freedom meant doing whatever you want. It means knowing who you are, what you are supposed to be doing on this earth, and then simply doing it.

I sent a question out into the world, and the world sent me an answer. Too bad it’s not that easy in relationships! But it answered my questions.

I obsess about the relationships I have with other people – most specifically with men. And I write about it for two reasons: because I am making my obsession work for me, and because I find a simple freedom in fulfilling my function of sharing experience with others.

Natalie Goldberg also says:

We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn’t matter.

Here is a true example – the pen is mightier than the sword!

Here is a poem I wrote a couple of years ago, it sums up my feelings perfectly:

I write because each picture is worth a thousand words and I want to find them all.
I write because it is the safest way to revel myself, and not let people in.
I write to escape the darkness, to find the light.
I write so I can argue with myself, and not be insane.
I write to fall in love.
I write so somewhere good things happen to good people.
I write to be famous.
I write because I know everything, yet I know nothing at all.
I write because life is exciting, unfair, thrilling and devastating all in the same moment.
I write to document my experience “the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”
I write to learn.
I write to teach.
I write to find reality, and to distort it.
I write to explore.
I write to make people think.
I write to find understanding.
I write because there is so much emotion and I have to get it out somehow.
I write because it is intoxication.
I write for pleasure.
I write to release the pain.
I write so that people twenty years from now will know about today.
I write so adults understand children. I write so children never want to grown up.
I write to find myself, and then lose myself.
I write instead of cry.
I write to help make sense.
I write to confuse.
I write to escape reality.
I write because sometimes we have to run from what we know to find the truth!


~ ~ ~


Quotable Thoughts: a look at the words of wisdom right here at

We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn’t matter.

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 12:44 PM | | Comments (2)

August 09, 2007

A Conversation


He Says: You are so interesting.

She Thinks: What dose he mean by that? Interesting!?! Is that interesting in a I-want-to-get-to-know-you-because-I-think-you’re-great way? Or is it interesting is a where-is-the-nearest-exit-because-you’re-scary way? Buggers! Do I want to be interesting?

He Asks: Who are you?

She Thinks: Who knows, it’s not who am I, but who am I going to be today? I think I am a woman in today’s society who has figured out that to survive; I have to be many different things to many different people. The employee, the sister, the friend, the lover, and the person I only show to a few I can trust.



He says: On the one hand I can imagine you in a group of guys bullshitting, laughing, having drink competitions, etc. On the other hand I can see you in glasses in front of a group of eager college age listeners discussing the most interesting aspects of sexuality and relationship issues. So back to my question, “who are you?” Or maybe you’re both?

She thinks: I am both. I am also the friend who stays up late to listen to heartache. The sister who offers direction and insight. The cousin who tenders balance and growth. The employee who provides stability and reliability. But really, who are any of us? Isn’t that why we have this unrelenting need to be with someone, so we can share our whole being with at least one person? And what is with the weird male obsession with my glasses?

He Asks: Do you think that people hold you to certain standards or do YOU hold yourself to expected group norms?

She Thinks: Both. Isn’t that true for all of us? People – friends – hold me to a certain standard because they know who I am, and they like that person, and they hate to see me compromise. I hold myself to expected group norms, which sometimes makes me feel like I need to present a ‘watered-down’ version of myself. The thing is, I was becoming very accustomed to that ‘watered-down’ version, and that could be the cause of some of my recent discontent. It took friends to point that out to me.

He Says: I don’t really have any answers, only questions in this life

She Thinks: Yeah, me too, but isn’t it fun to converse?

He Says: Hope you’re doing well

She Thinks: Who is Well? And why would I be doing him?


~ ~ ~


The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears every right here at

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 09:10 AM | | Comments (4)

August 06, 2007

9 Phrases Women Use, and what they really mean

This is a forward I received that was actually worth sharing! Hope y'all enjoy!

1. Fine: This is the word a woman will use to end an argument when she is right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she's getting dressed, "five minutes" means a half hour. "Five minutes" is only "five minutes" if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. "Nothing" actually means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine." (See #1.)

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare... not permission. Don't do it!

5. [Loud Sigh]: This is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she's wasting her time standing there and arguing about nothing. (See #3 for the definition of "nothing.")

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: If a woman is thanking you, do not question the gratitude, or faint. Just say "you're welcome."

8. Whatever: This is a woman's way of saying f*&# you. [Editor's Note: In JoseyLand, "whatever" can also easily replace "fine." Often does. See #1 for more info.]

9. Don't Worry About It--I Got It: This is another loaded statement, meaning she has told you to do something several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Posted by Meagan Dixon at 04:36 PM | | Comments (2)

Polly Ticks: Police Encounter for Hello Kitty


The Thai police are brilliant. They have taken the idea of shaming someone into submission to the extreme.

Monday Thai police announced they have enlisted the help of the icon of cute, Hello Kitty herself, to brand misbehaving police officers.



Officers who speak too aggressively to civilians, who fail to turn off their engines when they park their cars, or commit other minor violations of proper conduct will be forced to wear bright pink Hello Kitty armbands as punishment, police Colonel Pongpat Chayaphan told AFP.

Hello Kitty is the most well-known character of Japanese company Sanrio. Although she is 33 years old, she likes to hang out with the well known trouble makers of today’s societies. She has been spotted donning the arm of many celeb favorites like Ricky Martin, Mariah Carey, Cameron Diaz, Heidi Klum, Christina Aguilera, Carmen Electra, Mandy Moore, and our favorite heiress sisters, Paris and Nicky Hilton.

Ms. Kitty’s reps were contacted, and said Ms. Kitty was saddened that her face was being used as a representation of bad police behavior, and she wished she would have had input on the designing of the armbands. She is confident if she provided creative contribution Paris, Nicole and Lindsey would have no problem wearing them. She is also considering putting in for a trademark on her own ankle monitoring systems.

In related news, Mickey Mouse tattooed his face on Donald’s arm and sent him off to rehab. Some are seeing this as a desperate attempt to hone in on Hello Kitty’s new found fame.


~ ~ ~


Polly Ticks: a snarky look at the happenings in the world today entangled in female perception, appears right here at

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 02:51 PM | | Comments (3)

Phone Call Rules - Revised


Gary Jackson, relationship correspondent for AskMen.com, wrote an article called Phone Call Rules - about rules for men when calling women.

I usually love AskMen.com’s articles. They offer insight into the male mind that I may not otherwise get. But this article… well, I just don’t think it hits the mark.


Women do love to talk on the phone (although we don’t usually do it dressed to perfection and seductively posed) – but Gary hit the nail on the head when he said “Women love the phone.” After that, his accuracy gets a little…. Fuzzy.

Wait two days to call
If your goal is to completely convince this girl you’re not into her AT ALL, and you’re willing to risk her being more than a little upset with you, by all means, wait two days before you call her. If, on the other hand, you are actually interested in her, and want to pursue said interest, you may want to call her sooner.

There is such a thing as too soon, and too much, so waiting until the next appropriate time to call is recommended – for instance, if you get her number on a Friday night when you know she was out with her girlfriends drinking, calling her at 7 am the next morning may be a little socially awkward. Waiting until after noon, and calling to find out if she is recovering from her night is not only acceptable, if she’s interested, she’ll find it sweet.

There is nothing worse for a woman then waiting for the post date phone call. We get irritable, angry, and then we convince ourselves you’re not interested because we don’t want to get hurt. So, if you are interested, bypass all of the nonsense and CALL HER!

Have a reason for your call
A reason is always a good thing, the best reason is simple: you like her, and you want to talk to her. And I don’t know where this “take charge of it and steer it” nonsense came from, but women like to think you’re listening to them, that you’re interested enough to want to listen about some random tangent the venture off into. In fact, women find it to be a sign of compatibility when they can have long conversations on the phone with men.

Women view conversation as a way of connecting with someone, getting to know them better. Having a good conversation, even if it is about how you pick out a cantaloupe and why, will show her that you’re interested, and even more important – interesting!

Keep it brief
The only sense I found in this idea was, “The best thing to talk about is her.” And it’s true. Women love to talk about themselves, and they love it even more when they think a man really wants to hear it! When we get on the phone with a man, and all they do is yammer on and on about themselves it tells us two things. The man is not really interested in getting to know who we are, and the man is already in love… with himself!

So gents, my recommendations, especially for the first phone call – keep it to under 30 mins, but don’t cut it too short, and make sure you do just as much listening as you do talking.

End the call first
I think I agree with this one, with a couple of exceptions. If she is having a hard day or complaining about something this is not the time to end the call! You are telling her – loud and clear – that you don’t care about her. Period. And you must remember, there is a thin line between wanting more and wanting nothing to do with you. Make sure when you get off the phone she is going to want to answer the next time you call – as opposed to thinking you’re rude and never wanting to talk to you again.

Leave a message
To leave a message, or not to leave a message – it’s not really even a question! ALWAYS leave a message! Even if you are brief, “Hi, this is Steve, call me back.” No big deal, no commitment, no verbal regurgitation all over her voicemail box. And yet, she is not going to think you are some crazy-weird stalker who is randomly calling her and not leaving a message.

It is oh-so-very annoying to see you missed a call from someone you’ve been waiting to hear from, and find they have not left you a message. And although it’s a forgivable offense once or twice, when it becomes a habit, she may make a habit of never answering the phone again when your name pops up on the caller id. The big bad answering machine is not going to come through the phone and eat you – so leave a message!

Keep text messages to the point
Text messaging is such a wonderful thing! I am an addict! I text my friends when I have something short and sweet I want to tell them, but don’t have the time to talk on the phone – or I know their too busy to talk. It is a way to hold a conversation with someone while doing other things (like dealing with annoying customers at work!). It IS NOT an intimate way of communication, and should probably be avoided when attempting to convey emotion!

In laymen’s terms, I would steer clear of texting until you’ve got to know each other! Confirming times, dates or directions via text seems acceptable, but I would not stray to far into conversation land – because text leave too much up to interpretation!


The phone is nothing to fear. Alexander Graham Bell was a pretty cool dude, and he invented it, so I know men can use them. Show us how great you are, and give that hot girl a call just to let her know you’re thinking about her!

So I don’t sound entirely biased, and because I really do think AskMen.com dose a wonderful job with their articles normally, I recommend checking out their Top 10: Tips for the First Phone Call


~ ~ ~


The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 02:05 PM | | Comments (2)

August 03, 2007

Is it really fair?


Guys have got this whole thing worked out. I mean, they really have a good thing going for them. What am I talking about? Allow me to explain.

Men have somehow finagled it so it is virtually impossible for women to get mad at them. Oh, and I can hear the men now, “Women get mad at us all the time.” And their right! But what happens when women express anger at men? I’ll tell you, they are called nags, or worse, and seen as uptight and unforgiving. And why are the uptight nags? Simply because a man did something that upset them.



So are women too sensitive, or do men just have the upper hand when it comes to anger? It’s possibly a little of both. But let me elucidate my particular situation, and then you can tell me what you would have done.

Let say, just for fun, that there is a guy, a guy with whom you are friends, possibly a little bit more than “just friends” – but friends none-the-less. And then lets say, for speculative reasons, that this friend dose something that hurts your feelings – like not calling when he’s in town, or forgetting about plans he’s made, or not calling when something big happens – and it hurts your feelings. What do you do?

You are stuck, wedged, jammed, between the proverbial rock and hard spot. As I see it, you have two choices, you can tell him he hurt your feelings or you can ignore your feelings. If you tell him, then you run the chance of being labeled the nag, the uptight dog of female type, or worse… needy. And then you will feel bad for being the sensitive creature that you are, and in turn try to stifle your feelings because someone else hurt them and you are not supposed to express that hurt. Which brings us to option two, ignore your feelings. But this has it’s downsides as well. Besides the fact that holding back emotion causes more emotion down the road, you are forced to lie to the most important person in your life – yourself – about something that you are genuinely and rightly feeling.

So what do you do? Or better stated, what should I do? I have given this some thought, and my conclusion is this: the mysterious “he” must not really be a good friend, because if he was, he would not have done what it was he did to hurt my feelings – or I would not feel reluctance in telling him that his behavior upset me. If he was a real friend, he would have been thinking about me and called when he was in town, remembered the plans he made, and would call even if it was something small that happened. If he was a real friend, the this wouldn’t be the situation. But it doesn’t upset me any less to figure out he is not really a friend…

What do you think?



~ ~ ~


The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 07:17 AM | | Comments (8)

August 02, 2007

What do you want?

“What do you want?” he asked me.

Four simple words, such a complicated question. Much like my answer, I want something so simple, and yet so complicated.

“I want to go to a concert and have warm arms wrapped around me. I want to lie on the chest of my lover and watch fireworks. I want to curl up next to him on the couch and watch a movie. I want to laugh. I want to cry. I want to hold hands, and smile, and annoy the people around me because I am so happy. I want to sit on the same side of a booth with someone on Sunday morning for breakfast and then lay in the park on a blanket for the rest of the day discussing life. I want to not always have to be the strong one, the caregiver, the mother. I want to be taken care of sometimes too. I want to not always be alone,” it all fell out of my soul faster than I could think, and I paused to take a deep breath.

“You have all of that with me babe.”

“Yes, but I want to be in love.”

Posted by Meagan Dixon at 08:49 AM | | Comments (1)

The Wonderful World of Dating: Mourning


Have you ever noticed that you mourn the ending of a relationship in much the same way you do the dying of a close friend or relative?



My grandmother’s death was the first that made a real impact on my life. She was the only connection I really had to my father’s side of the family, and when she died I felt like I had lost not only her, but everything to do with my father. I can still remember with total clarity my mom calling me and telling me she had died – and although the ensuing couple of weeks are a complete blur – every March I feel melancholy and have to remember to give myself some time to grieve not having her in my life.

Lately I have been feeling very lonely, and like I have failed in my life because I am still alone. This is very odd, because I am very comfortable with my single status, in fact I have grown into loving the freedom of being single – and have moved from needing a relationship to define who I am, to just wanting one because it is a bonus in life.

And then yesterday I was driving along, feeling sad and alone when bam! I realized it was five years ago, almost to the day, when the major relationship in my life ended. And every July since then I have found myself feeling desolate and alone, and subsequently made bad relationship decisions because of my desperation.

It devastated me when thing ended, and although I have come to realize that I was not happy, and we were not a good fit for one another, it doesn’t hurt any less. Just like when my grandmother died, I know she had a good life, and it was better that she didn’t suffer, but I still miss her daily. So maybe I need to take time in July to grieve the ending of the relationship that has defined so many subsequent relationships.

When we love someone and they die, it can feel devastating. When we love someone and they leave, how is it any different?


~ ~ ~


The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hrut because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

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Posted by Meagan Dixon at 06:53 AM | | Comments (0)

August 01, 2007

Hands


I love it in movies when a man grabs a woman’s hand and kisses her palm. It’s so intimate, so personal, a true sign of vulnerability and connection.

Hands are such and interesting instrument given for our use, and often taken advantage of. Hands are how many of us experience the world. We touch things – too see if they are safe, to transfer our emotions, to convey true inner feelings that can’t be expressed in words.

I think of a child, grabbing the hand of a trusted adult, asking for help without saying a word. Expressing a great need, a great fear, a great feeling of insecurity and helplessness. It is a child’s way of saying I trust you to lead me though this time, to guide me safely.

The same has to be true for adults. In this age, when sexual boundaries are a grey area the size of the Atlantic, when kissing someone on the first date is acceptable, and one night stands are understandable, I still have a hard time letting someone hold my hand unless I have true feelings for them.



The intermingling of fingers, the slow and soft caress, tracing a line from the finger tip down to the palm, a tight squeeze. Even the simple act of placing a hand, palm to palm, to compare size, shape and experience. It seems much more intimate than intermingling bodies, the wet caress of lips, and tracing a line from my shoulder down to the small of my back.

I find myself hiding my hands from the reach of others. Not wanting to be guided, not wanting to allow someone access to my vulnerability. Concealing the porthole to intimacy, an excuse to not let someone in.

If only he would take my hand in his, gaze dreamily into my eyes, and kiss me on the palm. He would have unlocked a gate long with deadbolt.


~ ~ ~


The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

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