Dwelling
I am a dweller. It can be weeks, even months after a breakup and I will still be thinking about it. What would I say to him if given the opportunity, how would he act, how would I act?
I feel I need to make this admission. I should go to a group and stand in the middle of the dimly lit circle and say, “Hi, my name is Meagan.”
“Hi Meagan”
“This is my first time at dwellers anonymous; I have been single for… well, longer than I care to admit. And I am a dweller.”
My dwelling takes many forms, sometimes I am a cave dweller, sometimes I am a mountain dweller, and sometimes I am a bottom dweller – like the bottom of a murky, mucky, moss and seaweed infested, ameba filled bottom dweller. It is times like these that my dwelling is the most problematic.
So I thought possibly admitting to my problem will help me.
It’s not like my dwelling affects anyone but me… well, I guess my friends and family would beg to differ, since they are forced to listen to me recount conversations and actions that took place eons ago – overanalyzing every nanosecond in an attempt to find answers to a question that was never posed. But it’s not like I am a stalking dweller. I don’t call him up in the middle of the night begging for an explanation… most of the time. Although, if we are going to be honest, I do have the tendency to read more into things – in a wishful thinking attempt to get what I want – and then get very hurt when things don’t turn out to be the way I thought they were going to be. But honestly, we all have faults, and mine only hurt me – so I guess on the whole, I’m not that bad off.
What are your relationship faults? And do you dwell on relationships way past their expatriation date?
Comments
I used to dwell a lot. It used to keep me from functioning sometimes. In my early 20's, I was a basket case as far as rejection goes. Dwelling can be productive if it helps you to deal with the pain and loss (and gets less frequent after experiencing the pain and loss). I still dwell now, but not as long. About three weeks ago I 'made a move' on a woman I found attractive and got outright shot down. I was bummed about it, but more importantly, my little ego was shattered. This lasted about 2 days, then I finally gave myself credit for trying and told myself that due to the law of averages this will happen. Once I found out that if my precious ego was shattered, that I would get over it, then it made it easier to deal with rejection. It is kinda funny to look back at the self-involved, whiny, lovestruck fool I used to be, but also know that the trials and tribulations were necessary to put all this stuff into better perspective. Just gotta keep tryin.
Posted by: Joe Paul | August 22, 2007 12:25 PM
I think I may still be stuck in the 'self-involved, whiny, lovestruck fool' stage. But it's good to hear you can get past that!
Posted by: meagan | August 24, 2007 09:09 AM
Well, I haven't necessarily evolved past that myself lol! It's just that it doesn't hold on as long.
Posted by: Joe Paul | August 24, 2007 12:32 PM