Iconoclastic

My grandmother’s death was the first that made a real impact on my life. She was the only connection I really had to my father’s side of the family, and when she died I felt like I had lost not only her, but everything to do with my father. I can still remember with total clarity my mom calling me and telling me she had died – and although the ensuing couple of weeks are a complete blur – every March I feel melancholy and have to remember to give myself some time to grieve not having her in my life.

Lately I have been feeling very lonely, and like I have failed in my life because I am still alone. This is very odd, because I am very comfortable with my single status, in fact I have grown into loving the freedom of being single – and have moved from needing a relationship to define who I am, to just wanting one because it is a bonus in life.

And then yesterday I was driving along, feeling sad and alone when bam! I realized it was five years ago, almost to the day, when the major relationship in my life ended. And every July since then I have found myself feeling desolate and alone, and subsequently made bad relationship decisions because of my desperation.

It devastated me when thing ended, and although I have come to realize that I was not happy, and we were not a good fit for one another, it doesn’t hurt any less. Just like when my grandmother died, I know she had a good life, and it was better that she didn’t suffer, but I still miss her daily. So maybe I need to take time in July to grieve the ending of the relationship that has defined so many subsequent relationships.

When we love someone and they die, it can feel devastating. When we love someone and they leave, how is it any different?

~ ~ ~

The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at iconoclastic

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hrut because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown