My cat is in heat. If anyone has ever been around a cat that is in heat I do not have to explain the life altering state of existence it can be to have a cat in heat living in your home. For those of you, whom have never been around a cat in heat, it is – with few exceptions – one of the most irritating things in the world. They will follow you around and howl at you in a bone chilling, hideous wail until you are ready to toss the stupid 4 legged creature outside and let it get pounded by the local tom’s.

So night befor last night I was sleeping soundly in my bed - like everyone should be at 11:15 on a Sunday night when they have to work in the morning – when my kitty decided to join me. She jumped ever so nimbly up onto my chest, looked me right in the face and began her late night serenade “meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow” and then she gave this devilish low growl and she hissed at me. This really pissed me off, because there are few acceptable excuses to wake me up when I am sound asleep, and hissing at me is not one of them, so I rolled over to knock her off my bed when I landed in some sticky icky stinky wetness. YUCK! I immediately jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom to wash this yuck off my arm, screaming four letter words all the way. Then I rushed back to my room to examine exactly what the eff I had rolled over into. My cat had been startled by my jumping and had run over every square inch of my bed which was now covered in a film of whitish-grey pussy like grossness. What the ??

I was too tired to care at that moment, so I stripped down my bed, all the while resisting the urge to kick my cat whom was now gyrating at my feet, threw everything in the washer, made my bed with sheets that had been sitting in a cupboard for a LONG time and smelled kind of funny, locked my cat in the bathroom, and went back to bed.

In the morning everything seemed to be back to normal, until I spotted some more of this white-grey puss and decided something needed to be done. When I got to work I got online and typed “cats in heat” into my trusted Google toolbar in the hopes of finding some salvation – and possibly an explanation to said white-grey puss yuck - and a website popped up that I thought could possibly solve all of my worldly problems: How to calm a cat in heat. I clicked on the link excitedly and began to read some of the most disturbing information I have found on the internet to date. The website explained – in great detail - how to get your cat off with a Q-tip. Yes, you read that right. A direct quote, “Insert the Q-tip into the cat’s vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.” I don’t know what disturbed me more – the fact that someone actually wanted me to sexually molest my cat, or that they wanted me to defile a Q-tip to do it!?!

My next move was to call the vet. And after I was passed around to about 4 different people they came back to let me know the white-grey puss was completely normal – I just have an orgasmic cat. That’s right, my cat likes to orgasm… apparently on my bed. How unfair is that? My cat is getting more action in my bed than I am. That Q-tip is sounding better and better…

~ ~ ~

Quotable Thoughts: a look at the words of wisdom from other’s, with a twist of personal commentary, appears right here at iconoclastic

We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn’t matter.

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

We have all heard them, those cheesy pick up lines comedians use on television. Or people jokingly say to get your attention. So I asked some of my friends what the worst pick up lines they’ve heard were. The response was overwhelming! I couldn’t even get a top 10, so here are the top 30 worst pick-up lines (and getting here took some editing!).

Top 30 WORST Pick-up Lines

Origional??:
1. What’s your sign?
2. Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
3. You must be a broom because you’re sweeping me off my feet
4. Do you have a license? Because you’re driving me crazy
5. I gotta thirst and baby, you look like my Gatorade

Heavenly:
6. Are you lost? Because heaven’s a long way from here.
7. Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers
8. Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
9. Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas

Arrogant:
10. Do you believe in love a first sight, or should I walk by again?
11. Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?
12. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
13. If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
14. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants
15. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put “U” and “I” together

Simply Cheesy:
16. Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day
17. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away
18. Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!
19. I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into the wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes

Yer Dad:
20. Was your dad a thief? Because he stole all the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
21. Your father must’ve been an astronaut, because your butts out of this world
22. I know that milk dose the body good, but wow, how much you been drinking?

The Question & The Answer:
23. Have you been arrested? It’s gotta be illegal to look that good
24. Do you have a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I’m in love.
25. Are you a parking ticket? Because you have FINE written all over you.
26. Are those ‘space pants’? Because your butt is outta this world!

Just Plain Rude:
27. I may not be the best looking person here, but I’m the only one talking to you
28. You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everybody we did it anyway
29. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
30. Did you know women/men are like parking spots? All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Which are you?

And with awful pick up lines, we all need some snarky responses. So, here are the top ten ways to say no, and hopefully get your point across:

1. I am trying to see how long I can go without saying yes
2. I’m attending the opening of my garage door
3. I’m being deported
4. I have to fluff my shower cap
5. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products
6. The man on television told me to stay tuned
7. I’m observing national apathy week
8. My favorite commercial is on tv
9. I promised to help a friend fold road maps
10. I’m trying to cut down

What is the worst pick up line you’ve ever heard? And the best response to that pick up line?

~ ~ ~

Top 10: a snarky start to the weekend with a Top 10 look at love and life, appears every Friday right here at iconoclastic

Once upon a time, in a land not-so-far-away, there was a man named St. Valentine. He was an ambitious dude, a true entrepreneur, who found himself a little down on the luck, and was looking for work. While perusing the Sunday paper’s Help Wanted Ad’s he found one ad that piqued his interest, it read:

Conglomerate greeting card company looking for excuse to rip off the American people. Want to convince them to give “holiday” themed cards. Need holiday ideas. Pay based on experience. Apply in person, no phone calls please.

“I can do that,” St. Valentine said to himself. So he got on his white diaper pants, grabbed his bow and arrow and headed off to the card company to pitch his “holiday” theme, complete with hearts, glitter, and a plethora of pink and red.

Valentine’s Day, my favorite corporate consumer holiday! And I know what you’re thinking, “She’s just a bitter single girl who hates Valentine’s Day.” Well, let me tell you, you are SO right! But I feel the same way when I am in a couple. The question for me is not “What’s wrong with Valentine’s Day,” but “What’s right with it?” So, here they are, the top 10 reasons that I hate Valentine’s Day:

Reason 1: Single vs. Relationship
Let’s get it over and talk about it, most people don’t like Valentine’s Day because they’re single. And it’s true, when your single Valentine’s Day can make you feel broken. As if there is something eternally wrong with you for not having true love on the day painted pink on the calendar. But if you’re in a relationship there is a can be an impeding sense of pressure as well. Valentine’s Day presents, the pressure causes a overwhelming sentiment that you’re future happiness rests on the selection of the perfect pink, red, or possible gold gift. And with the busy lives we all lead these days, who needs heart themed pressure?

Reason 2: St. Valentine?
There is a date on the calendar named after him signifying love and devotion, people propose and get married on this day of bliss, heck Hallmark and chocolate companies make a killing on this day; and nobody even knows who this St. Valentine dude is! “The history of Valentine’s Day – and its patron saint – is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a moth of romance. St Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.” (for more information check out History.com ). For all we know, he was a criminal lover who stole the hearts of women, a Don Juan of his time.

Reason 3: The Gifts
Do you really need, or even want, another set of stuffed pink kissing dogs with hearts on their butts? I mean really, where are you going to put them? And a box of chocolates? That’s not going help you lose the 5 pounds you put on at Christmas. The mass marketing of cheep and pointless gifts to validate a sentiment of caring just seems ridiculous! If you love me, and want to do something nice, don’t buy me a monkey in chains that sings an Elvis Presley song. Cook me dinner and do the dishes, or take me to get my favorite desert, or rent that chick flick I really wanted to see and you know you’re going to hate. Do something because you want to, not because you have to. And please pass on the candy heart bouquet, sold for 10.99 at the local drug store!

Reason 4: The Cards
They don’t make an ‘I-don’t-know-if-we’re-meant-to-be-I’ve-only-known-you-a-week’ card. If they did, I might change my mind about Valentine’s Day. I would also like to request a ‘I’m-a-Stalker’ card and an ‘I’m-only-giving-this-because-I-want-something-in-return’ card, I think those would be huge sellers! According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are valentines. (for more information check out infoplease.com). 25%! Just think of the trees we could save if we eliminated Valentines Day.

Reason 5: Chalk Hearts
You know what I’m referring too. The goofy little box of hearts that taste like sidewalk chalk with white confessions of love embossed on their florescent bodies. “Be Mine,” “I’m Yours,” “You’re Sweet,” and “Love.” Love? Do you really even like someone if you’re giving them chalk to eat? I would prefer an “It’s not you, it’s me” chalk heart, or a “We need to talk” heart. They seem more appropriate.

Reason 6: Cupid’s Creepy!
A small boy in a diaper flying around shooting people with arrows? This dose not make me want to snuggle, it’s just creepy! What’s next, an old man in a red suit sliding down chimneys… oh… wait… But seriously, the whole idea of some pudgy progeny of Aphrodite shooting arrows at my heart, with the intention of construing a long and lasting relationship, it’s a little frightening.

Reason 7: Roses Die
Is the shelling out of $49.95 for twelve fragrant sticks with (insert color here) petals, which will be dead in a week, and I will have to feel guilty over throwing away, really a sign of true love? Or should I take it as a showing of your feelings of our relationship, wilting and dieing quickly? Overpriced and overrated, need I say more?

Reason 8: Halloween is a way better holiday
It is. You can’t argue with a holiday that does not exclude any group of people, requires strangers to give you candy, and allows people to free their inner child and dress up! So, if we start requiring couples to dress in matching diapers and pass out chocolate to single people, I may change my mind on Valentine’s Day, until then…

Reason 9: Sappy love songs make me ill
The first few notes of “I Will Always Love You” can cause such an intense need to vomit that I find myself running for the nearest toilet while my skin starts to tingle and I break out in a rash. And who really wants to hear Celine Dion sing while Leo Decaprio sinks into the ocean? Kenny G will never be listed as one of my favorite artists, and I may be accused of having no soul, but sappy love songs make me ill.

Reason 10: Love should be every day, not just one day a year
I have no snarky comments for this, it is what it is. Love should be every day. Not celebrated because the creepy diaper man says it’s time. And that’s my whole point, Valentines Day really is a mass marketed collection of pointless gifts that you are going to look at in two weeks and wonder which corner of your room you can hide it in, or simply throw it away. So, if you’re going to celebrate Singles Awareness Day, please make a memory, don’t buy a pointless, pressure filled, going to the landfill present.

What are the reasons you dislike, or like, Valentine’s Day?

Technorati: relationships, dating, top 10, valentines day, hate

Well, we are just days from Christmas, and its crunch time for you guys. If you have a special someone, and don’t know what to get her, where better to come than your resident female dater for some special holiday hints. I have gotten quite a few e-mails and phone calls in the last couple of days from friends of the male persuasion, who don’t know what to get their g/f’s, so with the help of some of my female friends, I have come up with a list of universally accepted gifts that will make you hit of the holidays.

1. Massage
Massages are wonderful! And all women love them. Depending on how much you want to spend, you can opt for a full spa day with facial and mani/pedi included. Or there is the ever-so-tantalizing couple massage, which is an almost guarantee for some hanky panky afterwards. A gift certificate for an hour massage can run from $40-$80, depending on the type and place you go. But there are a plethora of day spa’s around to shop at, and check into any package deals they may have.

2. Perfume
Perfume can be very personal, but women love to know that you like how they smell. So buying them something the both of you can enjoy is a perfect holiday idea. If you don’t feel comfortable buying perfume though, there are always scented candles, bubble bath, or linen sprays. Women love to smell good, and these may be less personal ways of hinting about what you like to smell.

3. Jewelry
Personally, I am hesitant to add this one to my list, but my female friends assure me that every girl loves her jewelry. I know this is true, but anything with a shiny rock in it seems to connotate more than you may want to convey, plus it comes with a hefty price tag. Nevertheless, if you don’t know what to get her, then jewelry is always a safe bet. I would steer clear of rings, unless marriage is what you’re looking for, but a necklace or earrings are probably a safe bet.

4. Tickets
Movies, a play, a concert, some charitable event. Tickets to anything, especially if it gives her the opportunity to dress up, are a great Christmas idea. And they are like the gift that keeps on giving, because of course you are going to have to buy yourself a ticket as well! Be creative, find a dinner train, an amusement park, or some adventure the two of you can enjoy together. For example, I have been dying to explore the Shasta Cavern’s (hint hint to anyone who may be shopping for me!).

5. Detachable Massaging Showerhead
Anyone who knows me understands my belief in this wonderful device. I would like to hug the person who invented these. If you don’t understand why they are wonderful, ask a female friend, she will explain it too you – I am trying to keep a PG rating. Anywho, every girl should have one, and if your special someone doesn’t – get it for her!! And you can even offer to install it, showing your totally cool man-skills off.

So guys, there you go. Your shopping has been made easier this year, and I promise that if you get your girl anything on the above list (especially #5) she will be a very grateful g/f. Remember that wrapping the present is important, and adding mistletoe may just get you a little extra somethin’ somethin’. And the more romantic the delivery of said gift, the more likely you are to receive some genuine appreciation – I recommend candles and a good bottle of wine, but that’s just me.

I hope y’all have a very happy holiday, and if you need some more advice, feel free to e-mail me!

~ ~ ~

The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at iconoclastic

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

I really thought I had heard every urban legend there was to theoretically “trap-me-a-man” but this one may top the cake.

Glamour.com published a recipe on how to make Engagement Chicken. The story all starts 22 years ago when an editor passed the recipe on to her assistant, who the made it for her boyfriend, and was engaged in less than a month. Wow! It must have been the chicken! The chicken has reportedly inspired weddings throughout the magazines history – and the women at Glamour were kind enough to share it with us.

Adapted from Marcella Hazan’s More Classic Italian Cooking
Reprinted from Glamour.com

1 whole chicken (approx. 3 lb.)
2 medium lemons
Fresh lemon juice (1/2 cup)
Kosher or sea salt
Ground Black Pepper

Place rack in upper third of oven and preheat to 400 degrees. Wash chicken inside and out with cold water, remove the giblets, then let the chicken drain, cavity down, in a colander until it reaches room temp (about 15 minutes). Pat dry with paper towels. Pour lemon juice all over the chicken (inside and outside). Season with salt and pepper. Prick the whole lemons three times with a for and place deep inside the cavity. (Tip: If lemons are hard, roll on countertop with your palm to get juices flowing.) Place the bird breast-side down on a rack in a roasting pan, lower heat to 350 degrees and bake uncovered for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and turn breast-side up (used wooden spoons!); return it to over for 35 minutes more. Test for doneness – a meat thermometer inserted in the thigh should read 180 degrees, or juices should run clear when chicken is pricked with a fork. Continue baking if necessary. Let chicken cool for a few minutes before carving. Serve with juices.

And presto chango you will turn your non-committal man into a proposing fool. Knowing my luck I would drain the chicken the wrong way and use plastic spoons to flip the bird and he would run screaming from my home never to be heard of again.

What other goofy urban legends have you heard that will help you to get someone to fall in love with you?

~ ~ ~

The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at iconoclastic

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

Life is like a broken record at times. We listen to the same notes play over and over and over, and no matter how annoying the song can be, or how badly we want to change the tune, we never get up and switch the record.
Is it laziness, or is it that sometimes listening to the familiar old scratch is more comforting than the idea of learning new notes? Can I brave a new melody and take the chance of being happy, or am I happy being miserable?

~ ~ ~

Quotable Thoughts: a look at the words of wisdom from other’s, with a twist of personal commentary, appears right here at iconoclastic

We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn’t matter.

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

Have you ever wanted to say something to someone, but there was a roadblock? Political correctness, or social conditioning, or ego, or fear. Or have you ever felt like you life was a short, gritty, black and white film with an annoying music box tune that just keeps repeating itself, over, and over, and over? Have you ever asked yourself, How in the world did I get here again, I just left this crap-hole? Different people, different time, same effing situation, again, and again, and again.

~ ~ ~

I held him in my arms, and felt his body pressed against mine, and I held my breath and closed my eyes, and for a moment, a brief flickering moment, I was content.

There are so many signs along this road I am traveling; they say Stop, Not a Through Street, Road Closed, but I just can’t force myself to listen. This is not the first time I have done this, fallen for a guy who will never know I exist, who will never take the time to know me, who will leave me when he had gotten what he wants, when he is done with me. I don’t know why I do it; I think I find situations I know wont work because then I can’t really be hurt when they don’t. I knew it from the start.

I was hurt so badly once, and I’m scared of letting anyone in! So I show my surface levels, I share little things about myself that most people are scared to talk about; like sex, and past relationships, and current relationships, and I let people assume they know me. It is just another defense mechanism in the long list of defense mechanisms I have procured over the past couple years. It’s like a dysfunctional cycle of abuse I perpetrate on myself. Want to find love but too scared, find someone it wont work with, open up a little, get hurt, move on, want to find love but too scared, find someone it wont work with, open up a little less, get hurt, move on. Slowly I have progressed, until I have become a master bull-shitter and I have everyone convinced I am such a great listener, with wonderful insight into their lives. I actually had an ex call me his shrink the other day, he told me he loves talking to me about his problems because I always understand, and I always tell it like it is. You don’t know how many times I’ve heard that! I have my tale-tale signs; ask me a question I don’t want to answer and I will change the subject, or give a partial answer, or ask a question in return. And then I will flip the subject back to you. It’s so easy, because everyone wants to bear their soul to the girl who always tells it like it is. I hate to break it to the masses, who I have adequately fooled, but there is no magical secret to my insight. I watch Sex in the City and I am not scared of being blunt, that really all there is to me. Basically, I’m full of crap!

There has only been one person, one man, in the past couple of years, who I was tempted to show a little more of myself to. And he was so consumed with his own issues he never noticed the slightly ajar door.

I am tempted again, and that scares me! I don’t know why this temptation has arisen, I barley know him, but there is something there, some spark, some connection, that won’t let me sever and walk away. I have always been so good at walking away. The real funny thing is I thought it was over and I was actually upset about it, but in my own emotionally constipate repertoire of relationships I have acquired the lets be friends mantra.

What does that mean? you may ask yourself. Well, usually it means things aren’t going the way I want them too (a.k.a. they are getting too serious) and so I say ‘Lets be friends’ (a.k.a. we should continue to sleep together, minus the emotional ties, until I get bored and move on). I know, I’m a cold hearted dog on fire, but at least I’m honest.

This time I didn’t want to be just friends, there were those weird fluttering things in my stomach that I’m told are feelings, and for the first time in a long time, I liked them. I was the one who wanted more, I was the one who got too serious. Weird, huh!?! Talk about Karma! It ended, and we said we were going to be friends, but I wasn’t going to call, I was just going to walk away, because I knew just friends wasn’t going to work this time. I still wanted, no, still want more. But then he called me. And it started again, because I didn’t know how to say no, and the truth is I didn’t want to.

And now? When we talk I feel like he is actually listening, and I love the way he smells, and when he touches me I cant help but lean in because I just cant seem to get enough. And I know that we are probably just friends, and when he gets board he is going to walk away, and then I will fully understand how I have made other people feel. But, last night I held him in my arms, and felt his body pressed against mine, and I held my breath and closed my eyes, and for a moment, a brief flickering moment, I was content.

~ ~ ~

The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at iconoclastic

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

Hypothetically speaking, do you think it's a bad idea to date your boss's younger brother? You would think the answer to that question is obvious, but apparently this is not the case, so let's really look at the logistics of this potential situation. Let me give you a completely speculative set of circumstances, and you can deduce the saneness of this female character on your own.

Let us pretend, for a moment, that we have a mildly attractive, mid-twenties, single female, who is ever-so-unsuccessful in the relationship department, but is searching hopelessly for love. And she is introduced to an extremely attractive, early-thirties, single male, who is going through a divorce, but seems just about perfect in every other aspect, except for the fact that he's her boss's younger brother.

Then, let's just say, that an ardent friendship develops. They have fun together, and can talk easily with one another, and she thinks about him constantly (despite her better judgment), and convinces herself it would be ok to allow this to go just a little bit further. He is nice, and caring, and sweet, and if she let herself, she could easily fall in love with him. And things start to get serious.

Then, just for the fun of it, let's assume they actually talk about things (this is an odd conjecture, because most people don't actually talk about their feelings, but give me this one abnormal condition, since the rest of this story so obviously falls within the norm). He tells her he's not ready for a serious relationship, and to be honest, she's not either, (mostly because he lives so far away, because otherwise she may just jump in head first) but for the time being, lets go with she's not ready. Ok, sounds easy enough, so they decide to just be friends.

Problem is, as friends, they still spend time together, and there is this wildly strong physical attraction between the two of them. I'm not talking 'ohh baby I want you,' oh no, this is more along the lines of 'worldly magnetic pull dividing all forces to draw their two bodies together,' kind of attraction. So, their friendship soon becomes a little more. And things start to get serious, so again they talk about it (I know, odd, but let's go with it), and this time they decide they're just going to let things be, and see where it goes.

Now, all the while, her boss's family, which is extremely close, are all aware the two of them are seeing each other, and take joy in constantly teasing her about the progression of said friendship. Making comments to embarrass her, and get information on development of this "relationship" (and in the back of their minds plotting a joyful union of these two people).

So, poor crazy, mid-twenty, mildly attractive, quizi-single girl is now taking hits from all angles. She is trying hard to convince her boss, and her boss's wife, and her boss's daughter, and her boss's other brother, and his wife, etc, etc, that they are just friends; she is trying hard to convince him this situation is ok; and she is trying really effing hard to convince herself not to turn around and run in the opposite direction (silly crazy girl, you should've run).

Now, for the sake of our speculation, let's say in the midst of all this, they go out to dinner, and then go back to her place to watch a movie. And they fall asleep (some details are excluded to maintain a PG-13 rating, give me a break, I already said eff once). In the morning, he rolls over and looks at her and sweetly says, "What time is it?"
"8:00"
"Oh, I had better get going."
What!?! What the eff? Ok, deep breath. (This is the mental thoughts of poor crazy, mid-twenty, not so attractive because it is first thing in the morning, wishing she wasn't single so all of this bull-crap wouldn't matter girl).
And then, "Can we talk?"
Why sure, it is 8:00 in the morning, and I have yet to have my coffee or brush my teeth, and the crust from sleep is still in my eyes, and you just told me that after spending all of five seconds with me and a night of, quite frankly, not so satisfying "sleep" you need to leave, what would you like to talk about, world politics or the state of the economy? "Is this going to be a serious talk?"
"Yes."
Well F*&K!

And so they talk, and he again asserts, with the paltry gusto that is uniquely male, that he is not ready for a committed relationship. She is not sure how to respond to this, for a number of reasons; coffee, lack of sleep, and total ambush being on the top of her list. So she says ok, and lets him leave. And as he passionately kisses her goodbye, she wonders how many of her other friends say goodbye like this. Then she gets pissed!

Now, we could leave our completely hypothetical characters here, but what fun would that be? Let's add a couple more provisional details. Let's say this all happened on a Sunday morning, and Monday poor, crazy, mid-twenties, now not attractive at all because she is battling the King Kong of colds, extremely single, and now depressed, girl has to go back to work, with a boss who knows his younger brother spent Saturday night at her house. And let's say said boss feels the need to ask her how her weekend was and then give her a shitty grin. And his other brother calls with a pathetic excuse to talk to her, and then proceeds to question her on who she caught her cold from (knowing full well that he had the same cold). And let's say she slept like crap the night before because she had failed to wash her sheets and they still smelled like him. And she just wishes she could change the past, because it has made the present suck; or tell all of them to take a long walk of a short cliff!

So, what do you think about hypothetical poor, crazy, sick, destitute and destined to be alone, doesn't matter if she's attractive because there will never be anyone who appreciates it, past her prime, but at least consistently sucks at relationships girl now? Yeah, pretty pathetic!?! At least she can find solace in taking out her bitterness on paper with hypothetical situations and conjectures.

So I ask again, hypothetically speaking, do you think it's a bad idea to date your boss's younger brother?

~ ~ ~

The Wonderful World of Dating: a semi-caustic look at dating in today’s world, given from the heart of a chronically single girl, appears right here at iconoclastic

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!
~ unknown

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

Older Woman: So how are things with you and ___________?

Younger Woman: Same crap, different day.

Older Woman: So, are you still seeing each other?

Younger Woman: Depends on your definition of seeing.

Older Woman: Are you still sleeping together?

Younger Woman: Yes, but that’s the only time that we talk.

Older Woman: Then you are still seeing each other.

Younger Woman: No, I think I have just finally figured out that sex is all that men are good for, and when you are done with that, you should just put them away until you need them again.

Older Woman: Yes, that is very true! It took me a long time to learn that, just be thankful you’ve figured it out early in life.

Younger Woman: Problem is, he’s never around when I effing need him!