My cat is in heat. If anyone has ever been around a cat that is in heat I do not have to explain the life altering state of existence it can be to have a cat in heat living in your home. For those of you, whom have never been around a cat in heat, it is – with few exceptions – one of the most irritating things in the world. They will follow you around and howl at you in a bone chilling, hideous wail until you are ready to toss the stupid 4 legged creature outside and let it get pounded by the local tom’s.

We have all heard them, those cheesy pick up lines comedians use on television. Or people jokingly say to get your attention. So I asked some of my friends what the worst pick up lines they’ve heard were. The response was overwhelming! I couldn’t even get a top 10, so here are the top 30 worst pick-up lines (and getting here took some editing!).

Top 30 WORST Pick-up Lines

Once upon a time, in a land not-so-far-away, there was a man named St. Valentine. He was an ambitious dude, a true entrepreneur, who found himself a little down on the luck, and was looking for work. While perusing the Sunday paper’s Help Wanted Ad’s he found one ad that piqued his interest, it read:

Conglomerate greeting card company looking for excuse to rip off the American people. Want to convince them to give “holiday” themed cards. Need holiday ideas. Pay based on experience. Apply in person, no phone calls please.

“I can do that,” St. Valentine said to himself. So he got on his white diaper pants, grabbed his bow and arrow and headed off to the card company to pitch his “holiday” theme, complete with hearts, glitter, and a plethora of pink and red.

Valentine’s Day, my favorite corporate consumer holiday! And I know what you’re thinking, “She’s just a bitter single girl who hates Valentine’s Day.” Well, let me tell you, you are SO right! But I feel the same way when I am in a couple. The question for me is not “What’s wrong with Valentine’s Day,” but “What’s right with it?” So, here they are, the top 10 reasons that I hate Valentine’s Day:

Well, we are just days from Christmas, and its crunch time for you guys. If you have a special someone, and don’t know what to get her, where better to come than your resident female dater for some special holiday hints. I have gotten quite a few e-mails and phone calls in the last couple of days from friends of the male persuasion, who don’t know what to get their g/f’s, so with the help of some of my female friends, I have come up with a list of universally accepted gifts that will make you hit of the holidays.

You’re out with your girlfriends, having a drink or two, and the conversation inevitably turns to the current scenery – the eye candy, if you will. Boxers or briefs, trunks or Speedos, hot or not? We’ve all done it, and if you haven’t, well then now’s your chance. There is now a website you can visit to play this bar game from the comfort of your own home.

www.HotOrNot.com

Here you can spend hour upon hour clicking through the plethora of pictures and rating their contents on a scale of 1 (Not) to 10 (Hot). And, if you’re super brave, you can log in and submit your own photo to be rated – but this is not an activity for the faint of heart! People can be harsh.

Are you to busy to pick up the dry cleaning, change your oil, check your online dating site? Well then, I’ve got the solution for you! Hire a lifestyle manager.

The www.dating-weblog.com reports that this may be the up and coming way to take care of those provisional details you just don’t have time for anymore.

Lifestyle managers do exactly what their name implies: manage the details of your life. Essentially, this is a personal assistant for the home. You find someone that you like and can trust and then teach them how to take care of the things in your life that you just don’t have time to take care of. And yes, for some people that means online dating.

I really thought I had heard every urban legend there was to theoretically “trap-me-a-man” but this one may top the cake.

Glamour.com published a recipe on how to make Engagement Chicken. The story all starts 22 years ago when an editor passed the recipe on to her assistant, who the made it for her boyfriend, and was engaged in less than a month. Wow! It must have been the chicken! The chicken has reportedly inspired weddings throughout the magazines history – and the women at Glamour were kind enough to share it with us.

Life is like a broken record at times. We listen to the same notes play over and over and over, and no matter how annoying the song can be, or how badly we want to change the tune, we never get up and switch the record.
Is it laziness, or is it that sometimes listening to the familiar old scratch is more comforting than the idea of learning new notes? Can I brave a new melody and take the chance of being happy, or am I happy being miserable?

~ ~ ~

Quotable Thoughts: a look at the words of wisdom from other’s, with a twist of personal commentary, appears right here at iconoclastic

We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn’t matter.

Have a great blog idea, or just want to chat with me about something I’ve said? Feel free to e-mail me: meagandixon@yahoo.com

Have you ever wanted to say something to someone, but there was a roadblock? Political correctness, or social conditioning, or ego, or fear. Or have you ever felt like you life was a short, gritty, black and white film with an annoying music box tune that just keeps repeating itself, over, and over, and over? Have you ever asked yourself, How in the world did I get here again, I just left this crap-hole? Different people, different time, same effing situation, again, and again, and again.

~ ~ ~

I held him in my arms, and felt his body pressed against mine, and I held my breath and closed my eyes, and for a moment, a brief flickering moment, I was content.

Hypothetically speaking, do you think it's a bad idea to date your boss's younger brother? You would think the answer to that question is obvious, but apparently this is not the case, so let's really look at the logistics of this potential situation. Let me give you a completely speculative set of circumstances, and you can deduce the saneness of this female character on your own.

Let us pretend, for a moment, that we have a mildly attractive, mid-twenties, single female, who is ever-so-unsuccessful in the relationship department, but is searching hopelessly for love. And she is introduced to an extremely attractive, early-thirties, single male, who is going through a divorce, but seems just about perfect in every other aspect, except for the fact that he's her boss's younger brother.

Then, let's just say, that an ardent friendship develops. They have fun together, and can talk easily with one another, and she thinks about him constantly (despite her better judgment), and convinces herself it would be ok to allow this to go just a little bit further. He is nice, and caring, and sweet, and if she let herself, she could easily fall in love with him. And things start to get serious.

Older Woman: So how are things with you and ___________?

Younger Woman: Same crap, different day.

Older Woman: So, are you still seeing each other?

Younger Woman: Depends on your definition of seeing.

Older Woman: Are you still sleeping together?

Younger Woman: Yes, but that’s the only time that we talk.

Older Woman: Then you are still seeing each other.

Younger Woman: No, I think I have just finally figured out that sex is all that men are good for, and when you are done with that, you should just put them away until you need them again.

Older Woman: Yes, that is very true! It took me a long time to learn that, just be thankful you’ve figured it out early in life.

Younger Woman: Problem is, he’s never around when I effing need him!