Help!
HELP! I NEED SOMEBODY.
HELP! NOT JUST ANYBODY.
HELP! YOU KNOW I NEED SOMEONE…
HELP!!!***
If only it was as easy as the Beatles make it sound.
I’m not sure why, but for most of us it sure is difficult to ask for help. But if you want something to change, sometimes you gotta ask for help.
I think it’s hard because so many of us take a lot of time and energy crafting a glossy exterior. If you ask for help in an area it kind of takes the luster off.
Well, lemme tell ya, we’ve all got flaws in the paint job. And from a pretty early age I think we start trying on different personas to figure out what covers up dings and scratches.
Personas like Party Animal, Wild Thing, Philosopher, Know it All, Womanizer, Rebel, Tough Guy, Loner. Or ones like Rescuer, Enabler, Peacemaker, Criticizer. Or Never-Can-Be-Pleased, or Never-Show-My-True-Self, or No, Everything’s Fine, or Stuff-It-All-Down-Inside-Me…the list goes on and on. I’m sure there are very psychological names for all of those, but you’re not paying me enough to research it and use the proper terms. Come to think of it, I don’t think you’re paying me at all. Freeloader. That’s definitely another one.
One of the most difficult personas to let go of, I think, is that of Victim. Maybe this is because it’s valid, it’s authentic – when something bad happens to you because of the choices of another human (or sometimes subhuman), you are indeed a victim. But you don’t have to stay one. For sure, get a counselor to help you scratch and fight your way out of that one because it can be really difficult. I personally took the 10 year, 3 counselor and one psychiatrist plan, but I don’t recommend it. Maybe you didn’t choose to become a victim, but you definitely choose to stay one (ouch, that hurt).
If we’re going to change, sometimes it means we’ve got to outgrow these facades. Sometimes we even know they don’t fit anymore, but they are just so hard to peel off, like an old, sun-beaten sticker practically baked into your rear bumper. If you peel it off, won’t you be taking some of the car with it? If I’ve been allowing myself to act a certain way for so long, do I even know the real person behind the fake one anymore?
My personal favorite that I’m currently dealing with is: “I can take care of this myself.” This is a great quality to have, and in a lot of ways it’s served me well. But there is a negative side to it, which is..well, thinking you can always take care of things yourself.
I recently asked for help with something, something that I finally realized that I could not tackle on my own despite years of trying. (And no I’m not going to tell you what it is).
Honestly, I think I was in a little bit of denial about how bad it was. (Imagine that.)
And when I finally went for help I kinda thought I was being pretty brave.
But now that my head is clearing a bit, I realize that I should have asked for help years ago and made this change sooner.
It’s not that I’m being brave now, as much as that I was being so dumb for so long!
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN TODAY,
I NEVER NEEDED ANYBODY'S HELP IN ANY WAY.
BUT NOW THESE DAYS ARE GONE, I'M NOT SO SELF ASSURED,
NOW I FIND I'VE CHANGED MY MIND I'VE OPENED UP THE DOORS.***
Jane Doe Thanks:
The really nice and really fun people (some from Chico, some from Orland) who were up sledding near Forest Ranch Elementary school! What a beautiful day – all you superbowl couch potatoes missed out on the perfect snow day. I hope “Uncle’s” pulled muscle is feeling better after his wild ride (remember – Rest, Ice, and lots of motrin!). This very cool (but not cold) group of people took turns catching each other’s kids and sharing sledding boards and calling out encouragement, and about 50% of it was in Spanish which was great for my beginning Spanish learner to hear. They displayed a true neighborly attitude – something you don’t experience all the time anymore.
***(Lennon/McCartney) From the Beatles album "Help"