From outside the box

I have been racking my brain, searching the deepest part of my soul, and going back over every experience I can remember from my own youth. I have been searching for the right words. I have been searching for magical words, words that will inspire, and ideas that will connect. I want to go beyond poetry, beyond reason and logic. I want to go straight to the heart. I want to change a young mans life. The problem is, I keep drawing blanks.

Let me back up and explain what I'm talking about. There is a young man I know, an ex step son, although technically his mother and I were never married. That's all beside the point. The point is, this young man has been into drugs since his early teen years. And now he is in jail. He's not a bad kid, he's not a violent kid, in fact, he's a very intelligent guy. But the intelligence has taken a back seat to drug abuse. This is his first arrest, but it has been a long time coming. He has been warned, everybody who knows him has given him their best shot at having "the talk" which of course has never done any good. Now he is in serious trouble and I want to write him a letter....but what do I say? What do I say that hasn't been said a thousand times before? Are there any words that can go beyond "the talk"?

I come from a very large family. There are about 100 descendents from my two parents alone. And as with any large family, we have our share of just about every personality type you can imagine. We have everything from idiots to geniuses. We have those with masters degrees, we have musical talent, we have alcoholics, we have Christians, we have high school drop outs, we have ex military, we have grand parents raising their grand children, we have loud people and quiet people, we have mental disorders, we have achievers, and yes, we have drug addicts. So this is definitely nothing new in my life. I had my own go around with drugs when I was younger, I was a part of the sixties culture. And over the years I have tried to have "the talk" with many a nephew (there have been nieces as well) who got caught up in drugs. Some got clean and some ruined their lives. The ones that ruined their own lives have been a terrible burden to their parents as well. I know what drugs can do, I have been on that battle field. I also know that there are no magical words to change a druggies life. After a while it seems like everything you say is just another cliche. They've heard all the cliches too many times. Ultimately, they are the ones that have to save themselves, nobody else has that power.

When I was a freshman in high school, I was going thru some pretty tough times and I felt like nobody understood. I was hanging with a bad crowd and getting into a lot of trouble. One day a teacher, Mr. McCoy, took me aside and said, "Joe, you are better than these guys, I see things in you." It would be years before I straightened out, but Mr. McCoy's words always stuck with me. He planted a seed and I will never forget him for that.

But still, there is a young man that I care deeply about sitting in the Butte county jail. I have attempted the letter a few times but I'm not coming up with anything new. I want to tell him that he has the power to change his life. I want him to know that the drugs have latched onto his soul like a cancer, but beneath that cancer there is a good heart, there is a guy with potential, there is a dreamer who has never gotten far enough away from the drugs to realize, to even dare, to dream! I want him to know that the drugs don't own him, they just make him think that they do. I want to inspire him to reach deep enough inside to find that sleeping warrior, that warrior that once awakened has unlimited powers. I want him to know that he has a place in this world, that he is not living the life he came here to live, but he could. I want to shake him and wake him up from his slumber. I want him to get pissed off and mad, mad at what the drugs have taken away from him. I want him to know that he is fighting for his life and that he can win this fight. I want him to know that the drugs are telling him he is not worth the fight, that he is not worth anything, but in his soul he knows he is. I want to reconnect him to his soul. I want him to see that he is not a victim, that he made conscious choices to use drugs which in return led to unconscious choices which got him into jail.... he made a choice to play the role of a victim, he made a conscious choice to be unconscious. I want to teach him how to change his thinking patterns, how to take back the power to make better decisions. I want him to forgive everybody that may have hurt him in anyway, and especially to forgive himself for allowing the drugs to have control over his life. I want him to see that getting clean and sober is a process of rebirth. I want him to know that once reborn, life is waiting for him with open arms.

And yet, as I try to write these thoughts in a letter to him, I can see his eyes rolling....too many cliches, too many lines he's heard a thousand times before. Will he fight for his right to remain a victim? Will he say, "this all sounds good, but nobody understands what I have to deal with"? Will he wad up the letter and say, "How much of this bullshit do I have to listen too?" He probably will. So maybe the letter thing is just for me, just for my own piece of mind so that whatever happens in the future, I can at least say I tried. But then again, maybe a crack of light will squeak thru the darkness. Maybe he will know that I see things in him, just like a high school teacher once saw in me. I want him to know that I think he is worth it, even if he doesn't. Maybe a seed will be planted.