From outside the box

My Dad was a conservative Catholic. He also loved to philosophize and debate. I guess I didn't fall to far from the tree. Anyway, back in the eighties we could spend hours debating religion, abortion, welfare, you name it, we argued...I mean debated it. One of his favorite subjects to debate was euthanasia. I think his age and his health had a lot to do with his interest in that subject. Plus Jack Kivorkian was doing his thing back then and that kind of kept the subject on the front burner.

His fear was that if we tolerate euthanasia, it would only be a short time until it would be forced onto the elderly, weather you were dying or not. This seemed to be a logic that conservatives used a lot. They were also afraid that if you allowed gays to have all of the same rights as other people, it was just a matter of time until homosexuals would insist on everybody being gay or they would go right to the animal issue...."So if we allow gays to marry each other, what's next, we can marry our dog too?" I guess you can't blame people for thinking that everybody has a hidden agenda. It's been demonstrated enough. Plus it's human nature to fear what we do not understand. However, I believe we can change that. I think we can turn fear into curiosity and curiosity, eventually, into understanding. But that's another blog, another day.

So my Dad had two main arguments against practicing euthanasia. One was the fear of government taking it to an extreme and his other argument was based on a Christian principal that he could never explain all the way thru. It went like this...."Life is Gods to give and Gods to take, it's not up to man to make those decisions. We should trust in God completely. If we are alive, it's because God wants us alive and we are not to interrupt His plan." I always countered that argument with the agriculture argument. It went like this...."If we are to trust in God for everything, we should have faith that there will be food growing outside our door when we get hungry. But we do not practice that kind of faith, or we would starve to death. We showed a lack of faith in God when we started planting the fields. If God gave us the reasoning skills to grow our own food, and it's ok to use those skills, maybe it's ok to use our medical skills to end a life that is in great pain and has no chance of recovering." At this point he would start quoting the bible.

I think we have been messing with God and nature from the moment we figured out how to make fire. But getting back to my Dads story....He eventually died of cancer in 1989. The months and especially the weeks before he died, I can tell you that he changed his mind about euthanasia. I would hear him in his room begging to be put out of his misery. Near the end, he really loved his morphine. I think hospice eventually overdosed him, and that's ok, that's really what he wanted. So here was a man, who thru his conservative values, was willing to judge what was right and wrong for other people until he was forced to walk a mile in their shoes, then he changed his values. I think if he would have beat the cancer and lived, he would have had a different idea about euthanasia.

When it comes to hot issues like euthanasia, abortion, gay marriage, medical marijuana, we are quick to judge what is right and wrong for other people. Maybe there really isn't an absolute right or wrong, maybe we just have ideas and solutions and they produce different outcomes. Maybe it should be up to us to decide what is right and wrong for ourselves. Maybe God is not judging us at all. Maybe God put us here (or we choose to be put here) with all of these possible solutions to all of these endless issues, scenarios, and survival situations and we must decide for ourselves what the rules are, which ones do we agree on, and when should they be forced on everybody. Maybe true growth comes from the process of making decisions. We seem to have adopted the golden rule as our basic code to make all other rules from. Some will argue that the bible is a good rule book to go by. Whatever works. In a more liberal society, we would adhere more by the rule that says, "If it doesn't hurt anybody else, then it's none of your business."

There is an old story that goes....A wise master was talking to a group of students about the importance of putting complete faith in God for all things. One student approached the master and asked, "If we go into town and leave our camels unattended they will surely run off. So if we must leave them for a while, should we tie them up or trust in God that He will not let them run off?" The master replied...."Do both!" We have a saying in the west for that kind of thinking...."God helps him who helps himself."

Personally, I think this whole earth survival thing is a team effort. If you've raised children, you probably believe in divine intervention because there is no way any kid could survive past two years old without it. Maybe it's not about judgement and right or wrong, good or bad. Maybe it's about deciding, maturing, learning, loving, and experiencing. Maybe it's about experiencing the partnership?

Posted by Joe Shaw at 11:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

These are comments from "Robert" concerning my last blog titled "New Years pledges and other meaningless stuff". I have interjected my responses thru out.

Robert starts out....
I would like to examine your pledges and comment on each of them—that is if you are “tolerant” enough to indulge me…
1) Don’t you think it might be a bit presumptuous to ascribe the politics of all those who disagree with you as deriving from talk radio? Besides, Air America had its shot at influencing public opinion—perhaps you should consider why it failed so miserably?

Joe's reply....
First off, you know this whole blog was tongue in cheek, right? The whole problem with writing humor is that writing in and of itself lacks the dimension of voice inflection and intonations, which can be important in delivering punch lines as well as setting the tone for what is being said. That being said, I realize that there is truth in humor. So I will take responsibility for my humor and address your remarks as best I can. Concerning radio personalities, I have often said that I get a lot of information and often change my point of view about a subject because of something a right wing radio host said. However, I find there is a lot of holier than thou crap, a lot of left wing bashing over stupid issues that these guys are doing on talk radio. Bottom line, it's all about entertainment, and I realize that. I don't think any of us should ever take Rush Limbaugh, or even Bill Maher for that matter, too seriously. Air America cannot compete with right wing radio shows because liberals do not need to hear their message get dumbed down to a level that it appeals to your average Joe 6 pack and then repeated over and over with silly mantra's i.e. liberal radio is just not as interesting. Here's another comparison what I'm talking about...Go to a lecture by Depok Chopra and then attend a Christian Fundamentalist's Sunday get together.

Robert goes on....
2) Since the Catholic Church recanted its authority to teach science centuries ago and Pope John Paul II apologized all over himself for Galileo, why do you mock all believers in God? Science and belief complement each other and not all Christians are fundamentalists who read Genesis as a science text. Further, this implies that any true scientist must surely eschew any belief in God, ignoring the fact that many scientists, including Copernicus, Bacon, Kepler, Galileo, Descartes, Newton, Mendel, Kelvin, Pasteur and, to some extent, Einstein were all religious men.

Joe's reply....
I would not seriously mock all believers in God. I believe in God. I do however mock churches and religions. The catholic church has a history of suppressing science, although thru my own research I see that they have engaged on a campaign to change their own history. No surprise there. I know that all Christians are not fundamentalist's just as all democrats are not socialist's. We all tend to take the heat for whatever the extreme ends of our philosophical affiliates are engaged in.

Robert goes on....
3) If you wish to inform yourself with facts about global warming, I invite you to dig more deeply. There is a good deal of evidence that warming and cooling are cyclical. I still remember magazines warning us about the coming “ice age” back when I was a teenager in the ‘70’s!

Joe's reply....
I have said before that I hope the conservatives are right on this one and that science is wrong. But when you look back over history, how often has that happened?

Robert goes on....
4) Your “broad brush” is also a bit too eager to paint all conservatives as warmongers. No one in his right mind likes war. However, even Senator Harry Reid had to admit recently that the troop surge was working, and statistics show that fatalities have been greatly reduced in Iraq. Further, your statement that Bush has “been wrong about everything he could be wrong about” lacks foundation. I certainly do not like the war in Iraq and I am willing to admit that the barbaric mindset of Muslim fanatics seems inimical to the foothold of democracy our president hopes to plant in the middle east, but calling the president “wrong in all things” is as intolerant as me dismissing Bill Clinton as doing nothing more as president than seducing his assistants. As much as the media loves to ridicule Bush, he has been remarkably successful in many areas, particularly the economy. A recent report indicates that there has been a three percent increase in GDP as well as after-tax income, and inflation is moderate.

Joe's reply....
In humor, one will often exaggerate the truth to get a point across. Bush has not been wrong about everything, however, I will not give him any credit for the economy. He, along with 6 years of an irresponsible republican congress have managed to almost triple our national debt. Anybody can make an economy look good by borrowing. Problem is, someday the debt must be paid, right? For 6 years, Bush never vetoed and congress never investigated. They had a sweet deal worked out, it was win-win for the politicians, but it was a loose-loose for the American people.

Robert goes on....
5) What “truth” is being suppressed by the right wing? The last time I checked, it was the liberals and leftists who wished to shut down all debate on issues like global warming and abortion. Go to Youtube and type in “West Coast March For Life” and see how “tolerant” the liberals in the City by the Bay are when someone dares to even mention that abortion is killing.

Joe's reply....
You are right. I believe that any and all issues should be able to stand up to the light of debate and that should include everything from abortion and global warming to slaughter houses and medical marijuana.

Robert goes on....
6) Again, why are you lumping all religious people into the same broad category? Not every religious person is a Christian. Not every Christian is a fundamentalist. Not every Christian has the same political philosophy.

7) I am not offended by your New Age beliefs. You can channel the spirit of Che Guevera through your cornflakes if it makes you happy.

Joe's reply....
I am not as new age as my humor might imply. There is one area that I would lump all people of religion together and that is that most religions teach the illusion of separatism, actually, much of Christian philosophy is based on it. This stems from the church long ago adopting the theory that there are such things as finite particles and therefore solidness and separation are realities. This has led to the illusion that God is actually separated from man. We know now (and this is where I ascribe to what you could call new age theory) thru quantum physics that there are no such thing as solid particles, everything is a form of energy, and therefore there is nothing that is solid or separated...everything is connected by energy, and ultimately I believe, by consciousness. One of the basic problems with religion, as I see it, is that they have a distorted vision of what God is all about, mainly that God is separate. I'm sure we could spend hours debating on this subject alone, and maybe we should sometime.

Robert goes on....
8) Humor is sometimes the only thing that retains our sanity. Please do not give it up.

Finally, I would suggest (and certainly not insist) that you re-examine your obsession with “tolerance”. I have to politely disagree and say that tolerance is not a virtue. We cannot tolerate murder, rape, violation of civil liberties and the like and touting “tolerance” as an end in itself is misleading and empty. However I would again SUGGEST that perhaps you consider replacing “tolerance” with the capital virtue of “patience” (something I seem to run out of on a daily basis). Patience is defined as, “Forbearance and endurance through moderation. Resolving conflicts peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence. The ability to forgive; to show mercy to sinners.” If you practice patience, perhaps you can then forgive me for my long-winded response.

Joe's final reply....Well said. However, I get a bit long winded myself, it's a thing that passionate and thinking people do. Robert, I know you are a professional and well published writer so I appreciate that you take the time to read my blog as well as carrying on a little "philisophical jousting" with me. I look forward to future exchanges.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I never understood why the new year starts right after the start of winter. I always thought that the first day of spring should be the first day of the new year. I think nature feels that way too. It just doesn't feel like the beginning of a new year when your greeted with frost covered windshields on cold January mornings or the Tulle Fog that can hang around for weeks.

I never was one for making new year pledges. Maybe that's because it just doesn't feel right to break up a perfectly unhealthy routine at the start of winter. If I'm going to quit sugar or exercise more, I'm not going to do it when nature is telling me to gain a few pounds for the cold season ahead. Besides, making new year pledges is too much like going to church on Sunday morning. Let me explain....I never liked the idea of picking out a certain time of the week or year to do something positive. To say we are only going to worship on Sunday or to make healthy changes for our lives only at the start of the new year is to insinuate that this is the only time of the year or week that we need to do these things, and that's just a cop out. I find that if you just stay away from church on Sundays as well as the other six days of the week, and never make any positive pledges anytime during the year, well, it's just easier to stay consistent.

But this year is different. This year I feel a renewed energy for life. Last night for instance, just before I went to bed, I was thinking about how great life is and how the room was spinning a lot. So I got up and puked. Things settled down a bit. So I'm sitting in my easy chair gazing out my window at the cold December sky and I'm thinking how great my life is and how little I need to be truly happy. Actually, I really don't have much. If you take away the big house, the pool, the car and truck, all the furniture, guitars, pianos, computers, flat screen TV's, loving dogs, wonderful family, good health, great business, above average income, piles of meaningless collectibles like Orient and Flume and Satava vases, and all the unnecessary fluff and junk that doesn't mean a thing, except when it's gone, I mean, you can take all that stuff away, and I really don't have that much left. But that's ok, because it is the simplicity and minimalistic nature of my life that grounds me in true happiness.

So like I said, this year is different. This year I am going to make a few pledges for the new year and I am going to declare them publicly so that everybody will know how committed I am to being a better person.
These are my pledges for 2008....

1. I pledge to be more tolerant of individuals who ascribe to a different political philosophy than myself. I will no longer see them as inferior, just wrong. I know what talk radio can do to a person and it's not really their fault.

2. I pledge to give more credence to theories like creationism and pay less attention to science. Just because science got it right on that "earth being round and not flat" thing, doesn't mean they can go and get all cocky about their scienceness, because it would be their luck that as soon as they do, somebody is gonna find a fossil of some blond headed boy riding on the back of a tyrannosaurus and it will be one big high five for the creationist's!

3. I pledge to quit siding with the global warming alarmist's. You know, maybe we make these things real by believing in them. What if everybody, just for 2008, said, "I'm not buying into your science, and your facts, and all this stupid true stuff." Maybe, just maybe....we could get everybody to just quit believing in it!

4. I pledge to be more tolerant of the war in Iraq and to have more of an open mind about it. Just because George Bush has been wrong about everything he could be wrong about is no reason to quit believing him now. Maybe the insurgency really is working. Maybe we will be out of there in 30 years instead of 50. Maybe the cost will not exceed 20 trillion. Maybe a few thousand more American lives is worth whatever it is we are trying to do over there. Maybe in 2008, I will come to understand what we are trying to do over there.

5. I pledge to quit bitching so much about "right wing spin". Things like truth and facts can be so boring not to mention misleading, especially if your trying to suppress the truth about something.

6. I pledge to quit trying to change the way religious people think. Sure, they might have God and truth on their side, but I've read almost all of Shirley McClain's books and I can tell you that God and truth are so over rated, it's not even funny! Still, I will continue to pretend to think they might be right. I like to be seen as being open minded.

7. I pledge to lighten up on the "new age hoo-hah". I know I can be a bit new agey, maybe because of the sign I was born under. I think it was a "stop sign". Anyway's, I have a new moon rising, along with some bread dough I think, in Sagittarius....I don't know, I'm a new age kind of guy, just pretend to go along with it.

8. Last but not least, I pledge to be more serious in my writing. My vain attempts at humor have always fallen a little flat, so beginning with this blog, I will take my writing responsibilities more serious. I believe it was Steve Martin who once said, "Comedy is serious stuff." Sad but true! So starting with this blog, I hereby vow to bring a new sense of dignity and purpose to my blogs in 2008.

I want to thank all of you who have read me in 07 and hope you will still be around in 08. I am grateful to all who have supported my ideas and ramblings as well as those who have taken issue with me and took the time to debate me or at least put in your 2 cents worth. Happy new year to all, Joe Shaw
P.S. Special new years kudos to Meagan, Janice, Celeste, Dane, Nick, Andy, and Jeff.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 08:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Earlier today I was listening to Shaun Hannity, which I do from time to time for about 3 minutes until he says something so idiotic, I have to turn him off. Today's idiotic statement went something like this, "Hillary has once again showed disrespect for the troops fighting in Iraq. She opposed the new spending bill that will give the president (however many billions) to keep the war going because it did not include a timetable for starting the withdrawal of troops in 9 months from now."

I am asking....no, I'm begging any intelligent right wing thinker to please connect the dots for me. Really, I'm at a loss for words here. How is wanting to get these kids out of harms way disrespecting them? The republicans have turned this whole ideology around and they need to be called on it! To them, supporting the troops is....Leaving them there indefinitely....Sending them in without the proper body armor....sending them in without a plan to immediately seal off the boarders to keep the Jihadist's from pouring into the country to kill our troops (Jihadist who became Jihadist because of our invasion into Iraq)....sending them to a war for which the reasons for going in the first place were based on faulty information and all out lies....breaking the rules of the Geneva Convention without regard as to how that would affect the treatment of our troops taken as prisoners....if this is what you call supporting the troops, I would hate to see what republicans would do if they were pissed at our troops!

So if we question suspicious motives, faulty war tactics, no bid contracts, tens of billions of dollars lost without any accountability or attempt to even try to account for what happened to it, the erosion of our constitutional rights, the suspension of Habeas Corpus, the use of torture, the lack of body armor for our kids, ask how long we might expect this half trillion dollar a year fiascal to continue, question why they set up a war commission to seek answers as to how to deal with the war and then ignore the answers because it's not what they wanted to hear, allow for no bid contracts, constantly change our reasons and motives for being there, if we question any of these things, we are not supporting the troops? How did this happen? How did we the people allow our government to brain wash our ideologies, practical reasoning skills, common sense, and patriotic duties to the point that black is white and white is black? We will pay a huge price for our ignorance and blind patriotism. The problem is, those of us who see and have spoken out all along are going to pay right along with the blind who allowed and supported our government thru out this whole dark affair. The many will pay for the sins of the few.

One last point...Bill Clinton did bomb Iraq. He, along with many other liberals at the time believed that Sadam had weapons of mass destruction. But he did not....what's the right words here...oh yea...HE DID NOT INVADE IRAQ! Clinton believed Sadam could be contained thru inspections and sanctions, which by the way, were obviously working. If Al Gore had been in the white house for the last seven years our national debt would be less than half of what it is now, we would still be respected in the world community, we would be doing something about global warming instead of debating if it's even happening, we would still have ALL of our constitutional rights, there would be 4,000 kids still alive that have died in Iraq, not to mention all of the limbs and eyeballs that would still be intact, and you republicans would be screaming about some trivial thing like the electric bill Al Gore runs up at his own house or the fuel his jet uses when he travels. And you right wingers think we should elect another republican president who will give us four more years of the same abuse we have been taking for the last seven years?

Now before any of you write back with any nonsense about fighting terrorist that want to kill my family, let me counter that in advance. We were justified to go to Afghanistan, I as well as most liberals, supported that (and we've blown it over there as well). We are justified to strengthen our boarders, check the ports more thoroughly, and even change the way we do business as usual with countries that support terrorism (like Saudi Arabia). But wait a sec....that was all in the 9-11 report, the one that Bush instigated and then brushed aside.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 03:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

In 1989, property values were escalating much the same way they were about three years ago. I was selling real estate at the time and I remember that real estate values were escalating so fast that there was nothing to comp them to for appraisal value. Sellers were actually looking for excuses to sabotage the escrow so the buyer would back out because two months into escrow, the property being sold was worth a few thousand dollars more than the selling price, they wanted to sell it again! That situation was very similar to what was going on a few years back. And what happened in 1990 is very similar to what is happening now. The bubble burst, values declined, then a few years later slowly started rising again. I guess you call that an adjustment. The same thing happened with the stock market in the late nineties after the dot com market peaked.

What I witnessed and felt during each of these up cycles was the unspoken "WTF?" It felt too good to be true for the sellers and the stock holders, so good in fact that we intuitively knew it couldn't last, but didn't really want to talk about it, maybe for fear of putting a jinks on it. But really, when I saw my property, that I bought in 2004, go up in value about 75k in one year, I knew something wasn't right, we all did.

Now that I'm getting old enough to have lived thru, witnessed, and been a part of a few of these cycles, I feel that I can begin to smell trouble when it's brewing. And trouble is brewing right now, were just not talking about it.

Our national debt is over 9.2 trillion dollars and growing by about 1.2 million dollars every minute. 19% of all of our tax dollars are going towards the interest alone on this debt. In 2006 we paid 406 billion dollars in interest on our debt. We are clearly living beyond our means. When a working family keeps borrowing more money every month to get by, even borrowing to pay the interest on what has already been borrowed, it's only a matter of time until that family faces bankruptcy. Our government is just one big family, and we as a family are not handling our finances very well.

Some say the solution is a Federal Balanced Budget constitutional amendment. Two thirds of voters agree. I don't really know enough about economics to understand what the down side could be to putting a forced cap on our spending, but it seems to me we have to do something, and sooner than later. There's a big elephant in the room and nobodies talking about it!

Posted by Joe Shaw at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

There are plenty of liberals around but not many true progressive liberals. I'm not sure if there is an accepted definition of what a "progressive" is, but here's what I think it is....A progressive is a person who takes an idea that works, or may work, and continue's to explore and build on it. They are the ones that take the heat from conservative, traditionalist, and closed minded people. They are out front fighting for the acceptance of these ideas into mainstream thinking. Liberals may fight to develope or hold onto the these ideas, however it is the progressives who are discovering or creating them. Conservatives are often resistant to new ideas because their belief is that if it ain't broke, it don't need fixin. It's OK to be against change, if there is no need for change. However, It seems like when changes are needed, it is always the conservatives who fight those changes.

Now a true progressive is also somebody who is willing to recognize and admit when a liberal cause has gone askew, and is willing to fix it. Liberal causes, as with all causes, will need tweaking and adjusting from time to time. A few examples....the welfare system, unions, preferential hiring practices, and taxes. These are all good things, but when they get out of control, the conservatives start screaming that they never did work, they are the root of all of our problems, etc. And I also have to say that often it is the conservatives who are responsible for fixing these things when they need fixed.

Over the years I have tried to "progress" my thinking in areas like religion, diet, raising kids, work ethics, music, and how we think. It seems that whenever I make a new discovery, or realize a different way of approaching something, there are always those closed minded individuals who are quick to point out the flaws in my thinking. Often they are right. More often they are wrong. When an idea only works for a few, or that idea no longer serves our greater good, it is time to explore new concepts about that idea. New ideas are often met with sarcasm, resistance, and even anger, especially if it is an idea that threatens tradition or challenges our comfort zone.

In order to move forward, we have to be able to admit that where we are at is not working. If we fail to acknowledge a broken system, we are doomed to fail. We are failing in a lot of areas. The epidemic of cancer is telling us that our diet and the way we overmedicate ourselves is not working. Our inability to see the universal connection of all things, as well as our willingness to kill in the name of God has shown us that our religions are not working. Our epidemic of depression in this country is showing us that how we think is not working. Our 10 trillion dollar national debt is showing us that business as usual is not working. Our inability to safely dispose of nuclear waste shows us that nuclear energy is not an answer, it does not work, not in the big picture. The fact that nuclear war would be devastating to the whole world tells us that nuclear weapons will not work. Global warming is telling us that how we have been treating our environment is not working. An over medicated population of senior citizens as well as a pharmaceutical industry that has been hijacked by the almighty dollar shows us that our approach to prescription drugs is not working. The invasion by Mexico shows us that our boarders are not working. So many things in this country, and the whole world as well, are not working and we won't even admit it.

So I say to you conservatives who are so quick to stomp on any new ideas presented by progressive thinkers, stop defending the status quo, don't be afraid to admit the obvious problems just because the solutions may challenge your traditions and comfort zones, and start talking about solutions that would work for you. But in order to do that you have to think beyond silly ideas like practicing sexual abstinence while ignoring the use of education about safe sex, teaching that man walked with the dinosaurs while ignoring scientific facts about evolution, talking about lowering taxes while ignoring that lower taxes are replaced with outrageous borrowing practices, and talking about our freedoms while ignoring (and contributing to) the suppression of homosexuals, folks in need of assisted suicide, women's rights, and basically anybody doing anything that you disagree with.

I would not be so vain as to say that liberals have the answers to all of these problems. Many liberal solutions fail. But to use a phrase that conservatives are so quick to throw out when liberals start complaining about the war in Iraq....Instead of being against these things, why don't you come up with some solutions as to how to fix them? The solutions are within all of us. Often it is within the yin and yang, a balance of conservative and liberal ideas, that have the best answers. But like I said, it starts with admitting there is a problem. We all have an inner progressive. Maybe it's time to let him out.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My last blog was a list of "Pet Peeves", It was fun to write, but maybe a little negative, considering that's it's Christmas season. So I decided to follow it up with a list of my anti-peeves i.e., those wonderful little moments and things in life that make it all worth it. So here goes....

Getting a birthday card from your 14 year old son (2 days ago) telling you that he doesn't care how old your getting and that he loves and admires you.

Holding a new grandchild in your arms and having him/her look at you and grin with a "I know you" look on their face.

Sleeping in on a rainy Saturday morning.

Getting a dry soy cappuccino and having the foam come out as thick as shaving cream (Bidwell Perk does the best ones in town!).

Being young and experiencing that first kiss with somebody you've had a crush on.

Eating the heart out of a sweet juicy watermelon.

Going to a "Moody Blues" concert and hearing Justin Hayward sing "The Actor".

That moment of perfect peace right before you go to sleep and while you are still conscious.

The evening twilight after a clear windy day.

Loosing all sense of time when you are writing, playing an instrument, or doing anything creative.

Having a strange lady smile back at you, or better yet, smile at you first.

That feeling you have when you are walking out of the gym.

Exploring a small town you've never been to before.

Paying your monthly bills and still having money left over.

Noticing your pants are getting looser.

That moment when you get a new realization about something.

Having a synchronistic moment, where something happens that tells you, "At this moment, your world is in perfect harmony."

When you finish writing a new song and feel like you've just written the best song of your life.

The feeling you get when you help out a stranger in need.

Turning on the radio and "America" is singing "Ventura Highway".

Having a strange dog come up to you for a little "attention".

Watching a new "Sarah Silverman" show or a new "Lewis Black" stand up special on HBO (HBO because it's unedited)....these are the two funniest people on earth!

Having a glass of fine exquisite dry red wine in the evening....or three.

Getting together with my brother Dan every few weeks while I smoke a cigar and he smokes a pipe and we solve all of the problems in the world.

I got about a thousand more, but I don't want to bore you any further. If you have any to share, Id be glad to post them!

Posted by Joe Shaw at 01:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We all have our share of pet peeves and I'm sure that we have a lot of the same ones in common. I don't like to dwell on the negative stuff of life, so I try to ignore most of my pet peeves when they crop up. But still, I think it's important that we label and recognize them so that the perpetrators of these heinous acts will know that we know who they are and therefore we will know that they know that we know who they are. Some of these peeves that I am going to list are but minor infractions and temporary interruptions to our daily routines while others are quite worthy of the death penalty. These are my pet peeves.....

DRIVING PEEVES....

When people (usually older people) make a right turn off of the street, usually into a parking lot, and your right behind them thinking you've got it all timed to barely pass them as they make their exit from the street, and when they are halfway off of the street, for God knows what reason....they stop! They just stop!

When two cars "bottle neck", using two lanes they drive side by side on a highway or freeway. You can't pass and they don't care. I blame the one in the fast lane for this....usually there is a cell phone involved.

When somebody holds up a whole line of cars in a crowded parking lot, waiting for another car to back out of a space, especially when they start waiting while the people are still putting stuff in their car!

Parallel parkers who take up two parking spaces.

Students crossing the street, walking out in front of your moving vehicle on 2nd St. by the college without even looking up, and you have to slam on your breaks....to save them, not you!

Those 30 minute parking meters when your trying to have lunch at Tres Hombres without choking down your food.

SHOPPING PEEVES....

When a clerk asks you for your phone number to enter it into their data base.

Rebates

People who start looking for their checkbook AFTER their groceries are rung up.

Waiting in line at a gas station/convenience store to pre-pay for your gas and then waiting in line again to get your change.

No soap in the windshield cleaning water

Shopping carts left in parking spaces at grocery stores.

Waiting in the check out line at Costco while somebody has to run and do a price check for the customer being checked out because there was no bar code on the product.

RESTAURANT PEEVES.....

A hostess telling you there is only a 10 minute wait when there are 27 people waiting ahead of you to be seated. After waiting for 30 minutes there are still 12 people ahead of you.

Watching a party be seated 15 minutes after you and then get waited on before you.

Calling in an order, usually to a Mexican or Chinese food restaurant, and they don't start making it until after you show up to pick it up.

Your done eating and your wanting to leave but nobody will bring your ticket.

Speakers at drive thru fast food places that have way too low a volume.

After you get your food at the drive thru, you get home and the order is wrong.

MISCALLENEOUS PEEVES....

People who use credit cards to pay at the movie theatre.

People who use credit cards to pay for a cup of coffee.

People who ask to "work in" with you when you are using a weight machine at the gym.

Calling an 800 # about a bill and....Never mind, don't even get me going on that one.

People that take babies to the movie theatre.

People telling long stories about other people that you don't know.

People talking about their medical problems.

People engaging bank tellers in personal stories while your waiting in line.

And last but not least....smoke detectors that go off for no apparent reason, always at 4 in the morning, and there is no way to turn them off except to take a broom and smash them, and even that doesn't always work.

That's all I got. That's everything in life that bugs, me. Imagine what a lovely world it would be if nobody did any of these things. I never do....mostly

Posted by Joe Shaw at 09:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I am so happy knowing there are republicans out there who want to lower my taxes. I wish they had the same concern when comes to escalating the national debt to make up for the lost revenue from lower taxes. That's exactly what happened under Reagan, Bush 1, and Bush 2. They lowered taxes and the national debt spiraled. Clinton did not lower taxes and the national debt remained about the same. Personally, I would like to see every bodies taxes lowered and fix the problem by cutting spending.

I would start with cutting the perks and benefits that senators and congressmen have so graciously bestowed upon themselves over the years (that's not our biggest expense, just the one that pisses me off the most). Next, I would end this nonsense in Iraq, dismantle homeland security, put an end to no bid contracts, and then do something about lobbying and the way we finance campaigns. If this country was run like a real business, we could have lower taxes for everybody, national health care, better education, and more money for infrastructure. I know, I'm dreaming.

I get tired of hearing the same old cliches and sound bites over and over, however, I have to admit that I've used them myself. It's hard to get a political point across without spouting one off now and then. I used a cliche a couple of blogs back when I was talking about abortion and I said that if you don't like abortions then don't get one. That being said, I am getting a little tired of the republican cliche that say's, "If any rich folks don't like having lower taxes, nobody is stopping them from paying more." That's great. I wish I would have thought of that when we were being lied into the war with Iraq...."You want a war? Well nobodies stopping you from sending your own kids to fight it." or "If you are all for borrowing trillions from China to finance this war, nobodies stopping you from putting it on your own credit card." There may not be any rich folks offering up more in taxes than what is legally required, but a lot of them, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and Ted Turner especially, are doing more than their fair share of giving millions to worthy causes. But how many Republican leaders in congress or from the executive office have sent their kids to fight in Iraq?

I'm not convinced that rich people should pay a higher percentage of their income in taxes. Personally, I'm all for a national sales tax where everybody pays the same, just less red tape and beauracracy. However, I do not buy into the trickle down theory that says if you make the rich richer, they will create more jobs for the little people i.e. we can ride on their coat tails and pick up their scraps. Talk to me about the trickle down theory when the rich have quit outsourcing American jobs to 3rd world countries or when they can no longer establish offshore bank accounts to hide their incomes. Then maybe the little people, the working Americans, could at least get ALL of their scraps.

Changing the subject....In my last blog about torture, I ended it by saying that I had some pondering to do. I have since come to the conclusion that we do not need to hurt people physically to get information out of them. There are better and much more effective means of torture to get someone to talk. For instance, today as I was driving around listening to Christmas Carole's on the radio, they played Silent Night, sung by Stevie Nicks. I wanted to pull over and ram a nail into my knee cap. I mean I would have divulged any information anybody wanted, just to get that song to stop, and I don't even have any information!

Posted by Joe Shaw at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

When I first heard about our military practicing water boarding on prisoners, I thought it meant they were using them to ride the waves at Malibu. It didn't make sense to me, so I investigated further and was shocked to learn that it was a form of torture! America using torture? What about the Geneva Convention? What about our code of moral ethics that we have always prided ourselves on, those Christian values that lie at the core of the heart and soul of our great country? And if we did practice torture, were we not descending to the same level as the barbarian terrorists we were at war with?

To any decent self professed liberal such as myself, this should be a no brainer....it's just wrong! But is it? My dilemma is this....I had to ask myself if I could ever justify using torture on another human being. And my answer was yes, I could. If one of my kids were kidnapped, the cops couldn't find them, and I was able to get a hold of one of the persons involved who knew where my child was and they weren't talking, what would I do? Could I justify torture if that were the only way to get them to talk, if it would save my child's life? In a effing heartbeat! Bring on the blow torch and the ice pick, we got some work to do.

So how can I say that torture would be admissible as a way to save my child but not as a way to save the lives of soldiers or to stop a terrorist attack against innocent civilians? I can't. I want to but I can't. The problem with allowing torture, as is the problem with most liberties given to any arm of the law, is that it has the potential, and the likelihood, of being misused and abused. What an oxymoron - abusing the use of torture! It sounds gruesome to even talk about what situations would justify the use of torture. But the reality is, we are at war, and maybe torture is a necessary evil that needs to be addressed. The ethical questions of when to use torture, who should OK the torture, what types of torture are we talking about, goes on and on and on. I am glad that I'm not on any panel making those kinds of decisions.

It would not surprise me to learn that we have always used torture in one form or another. We have always had a no assasination policy and yet there are government agencies that are not accountable to any laws. Do they assasinate? They can if they want to. And how do you define torture? Is it not torture when a prisoner in an American prison gets thrown into a small enclosure for 6 months with no outside contact? Or do we just call that punishment? Where do you draw the line between punishment, strong arm manipulation, and torture? Isn't it really about us American citizens coming to terms, being forced to recognize, and ultimately define what torture is? We are at that crossroads.

So I have to ask myself, what does it say about me, a peace loving old hippie, who could conceivably condone the use of torture? Am I just being a realist? Am I not what I pretend to be? I have acknowledged the fact that I am not a pacifist, but am I ready to acknowledge the fact that I could condone the use of such measures that challenge the very fabric of our national morality, as well as my own? Is accepting the use of torture just acknowledging that the simpler times of right and wrong, black and white, are fading shadows of an ever changing reality as our world becomes more complicated and moves into wider and grayer zones where ethics are no longer written codes but ideas to be challenged and debated?

And it's not only torture that falls into this category. We have abortion, cloning, stem cell research, euthanasia, medical marijuana, testing animals in labs, and a ton of other complicated issues that, well, they just won't go away. I do not like what I feel about torture, but on the other hand, I have to be honest with myself. I guess I have some pondering to do....

Posted by Joe Shaw at 01:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Believe it or not, many liberals who support a woman's right to choose are actually against abortion personally. Therefore when conservatives label them as pro-abortion they are not quite getting the bigger picture. I might support gay rights but that doesn't mean I'm gay. I support the right to eat meat, but I don't eat it. I support the right to own a gun but I don't want one. In that vain, I can say that I support a woman's right to choose to have an abortion, however, I could never personally make that choice. When someone says they are pro-life they are insinuating that anybody who supports a women's right to choose is anti-life. It's as ignorant as saying that someone who is not a Christian is an atheist.

When it comes to abortion, there will never be any kind of acceptable compromise that will work for everybody. You are either for it, against it, or if your like me, you are for and against it. I think the issue has to be compromised in a way that will piss everybody off. If I were king of the world, I would say have your abortion if you must, but it must be done during the first trimester, while it's still a pollywog.

Society is never going to come to a consensus on when soul enters the body, or when life starts. Isn't that what the issue is really all about? You can't murder something if there is no soul, right? Side "A" side says that any form of abortion is murder. Side "B" says that you cannot define it as murder if you don't know when soul enters the body or when life actually starts. Side "A" says that dismembering a completely formed living human body is murder. Side "B" says as long as it's in a woman's body, it's her personal choice of what to do with it. I say compromise by allowing the abortion, but limit it to the first trimester. On the other hand, I am a man and I'm not even sure men should have any say in this argument anyway.

To the conservatives who say that life begins at conception and therefore abortion is murder, I would counter argue with this point....We all have our pet issues. One of mine is animal rights. I would like to live in a world where people did not eat, cage, test, wear, or exploit animals in anyway, shape, or form. Although they may be lower on the evolutionary scale (I'm talking about animals, not conservatives....hmmm), I believe that animals have souls and a conscience. They are as much alive as humans are, although maybe less aware. If I said I was animal pro life and preached that we have no right to kill animals for any reason, even if I could prove that we can live healthier as vegetarians, I guarantee you that conservatives would tell me that it's none of my business what they decide to eat. They would make the point that my belief is not their belief and that if I was against eating animals, then fine, I don't have to eat them but don't go pushing my values onto them.

Now I'm not comparing the life of an animal to that of a human fetus, I am however comparing the logic of the argument. The point is the same. This is where the conservative would say, "But I'm right about abortion being murder and you are wrong about eating and exploiting animals." Maybe....but maybe not. There are some issues that most of us agree on, and these are what most laws are about. There are other issues, I would say most issues really, that we have to agree to disagree and find a solution somewhere in the middle that either works for all sides or pisses everybody off.

I know that this world is nowhere near being ready to give up their appetite for meat anymore than they would give up their right to own a gun. I would have to resolve that by saying, "I can't ask you to give up your guns or your meat but I can try to be a living example as to why vegetarianism is healthier and I could demonstrate peace in a way that if everybody did the same there would be no need for guns. For now I would have to say that if you do not believe in abortion, then don't ever get one. On the other hand, I would say that you should continue to demonstrate the sanctity of life and maybe in time the message will catch on. Maybe someday it will catch on to the point that we regard the life of all living creatures as sacred, fetuses as well as animals.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It is a rarity these days to find independent thinking politicians who do not demonstrate blind allegiance to their parties adopted institutions, bed buddies, and special interest's. It seems that the two parties have drawn their allegiances in the sand a long time ago creating a dysfunctional relationship between the political parent and the whining spoiled brats we have come to know as social causes, special interest's, and American institutions. The republicans are aligned with the NRA, the Christian right, insurance companies, and most corporate interests. The democrats have taken up with labor unions, teacher unions, most unions, lawyers, and of course, corporate interests, who seem to own both parties.

So who do we the people, the common man, the everyday worker that is not aligned with any special interest group, the taxpayer that empowers these prostitutes....who do we have on our side? Those of us that are concerned with boarder patrol, prescription costs, health care, maintaining our constitutional rights, keeping the price of gasoline affordable, keeping our taxes down, keeping the national debt down, keeping the politicians from stealing the American dream, keeping us out of unnecessary wars, etc.etc. and etc. I don't know anymore. I'm starting to feel like we are on our own without any real representation. I am feeling like the fox came in the middle of the night dressed in sheep's clothing and they are now in the process of liquidating all that America once stood for. I figure in about 20 more years the transformation or the liquidation will be complete, with nothing left of the American dream except for a 20 trillion dollar debt. We will have been raped, pillaged and plundered beyond repair.

Could it be that democracy comes with a built in self destruct mechanism? Maybe all forms of governments do. Take away any freedom and you are destined to fail. Freedom to express ideas or to speak out against the government, freedom to practice any religion, even freedom to achieve wealth. An over zealous military agenda, annihilation of the middle class, greedy leadership, economic bankruptcy, any of these things can destroy a country. And it seems that America is dangerously treading on most of these waters. Maybe 300 years is the life expectancy of any democracy.

Politicians have always screamed the same battle cry....We need true leadership! Once they are elected, in fact, even to get elected, they must play the game. And the game is all about money and corruption. There is one litmus test that will tell if we can survive this 300 year self destruct mode.... campaign finance reform. If true campaign finance reform happens, we have a chance. If not, damn.... it was nice while it lasted! And of course campaign finance reform is a catch 22. It's a gun that must be cocked and loaded by the same folks that it will be aimed at. We may be screwed....

Was there a way for the founders to form the constitution in a way that would insure that greed could never triumph over law and morality? Laws, Constitutions, Bills of rights, any written manifesto, they are all dualistic in nature. You have the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. When the letter of the law comes into question, we have the supreme court to make the final decision of what that letter means. The spirit of the law, however, is open to interpretation. And that's a good thing because we need that kind of flexibility as the pendulum of social consciousness is in constant motion. But now it seems the interpretation of the "spirit" of the law is being elevated into unknown regions, uncharted waters. The constitution is becoming more like the 10 commandments, sort of a document that exists as a reference point.

Greed, intelligence, and sociopathic behavior are a dangerous mix. When the majority of leaders can no longer be trusted to do what is right for the people they are being paid to represent, we have a problem. Mix in an apathetic population who have come to expect spin and lies from the prostitutes in charge and you have a recipe for the collapse of a democracy. To stop the bleeding, we must start with campaign finance reform and the catch 22 factor may never allow that to happen. Ultimately it's up to we the people to right the wrongs. How do we do that? I see only two ways....either all out revolution, or the power of the vote. I don't like the idea of revolution because there is never any guarantee you are going to end up with anything better than what you revolted against. Plus people die. We have too much invested in this country to throw it all out and start all over. So I digress to my last blog....vote em all out! And I'm talking about every level of government from city councils to congress and the white house. I would rather see a whole new congress of uncorrupted, eager to get things done, green behind the ears, patriotically intacted freshman politicians making decisions for our country than the established, experienced, and corrupted sly old foxes that have so cleverly adorned the sheep clothing, who have proven themselves incapable and unworthy of the public trust.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 04:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm starting to change my political philosophy. Am I getting conservative? Never! No, I think I'm becoming A-political, politically neutered, disenchanted....basically fed up with all politicians . The only reason I stay with the democrats is the fact that the republicans have screwed things up so badly that democrats would have to do better. But then again, I wouldn't hold my breath. My new philosophy is this....Vote em all out! If they vote themselves a raise while failing to balance their own budgets....vote em out! If they fail to live up to most of their campaign promises....vote em out! If they borrow any more money from China or Saudi Arabia....vote em out! If they do nothing towards ending this damn war....vote em out! If they do nothing towards campaign finance reform, health care, or boarder control....vote em out! All of them....vote em all out! You can stay true to your party of choice, just give a new guy a chance. We need to send a message that we Americans are fed up with politicians feeding at the public trough. They are ruining this country, not us but them, the politicians we trust with our tax dollars and our war machine, they are screwing it all up and we are running out of time. The only power we have is the power of the vote. If all of the voters get on line with this and just vote new people in every time, they will straighten out fast.

Speaking of voters, why is it that this gerrymandering of districts works for the politicians? Why do people like Wally Herger and Jon Dolittle get re elected time after time regardless of their performances? It's because people tend to vote for their party regardless of what the person has done or stolen or not done. Quentin Colgan makes a very good point about this in today's letters to the editor. Isn't it really the voters fault that this redistricting thing works so well for politicians? I would appeal to republicans and democrats alike....if you don't like what your guy has done....vote em out!

I read the right wing blogs and listen to the right wing radio folks and watch Hannity and O'Rielly on Fox and the thing about these folks that is hard to respect is this blind loyalty they have to the republican party(with exception to Jack Lee of Post Scripts speaking out against Dolittle). If president Al Gore would have done in Iraq what George Bush has done, or if president John Kerry would have allowed torture or allowed the feds the access they have to our bank records and e-mails, or if a democrat congress had run the national debt up trillions of dollars in a few short years, this same group of blind followers would be up in arms! They often make good points about their conservative philosophies but to me, they discredit themselves by going along with a broken program just because it's their party. They discredit themselves by slamming Hillary before she has a chance to mess anything up. They take these very big republican blunders and minimize them while making a mountain out of a mole hill over small miss deeds that democrats make. You want democrats to take you serious? Then try getting a little more real. Start putting problems in better perspective i.e. having and lying about an affair is not the same as lying about going to war. And when you got a guy like Wally Herger, who is to congress what Clarence Thomas is to the Supreme Court, at least replace him with another republican. I am willing to bet that I could predict how Clarence Thomas and Wally Herger will vote on any given issue and be correct 100% of the time. You can't do anything about Clarence Thomas but when it comes to guys like Wally Herger, and I am saying the same about any democrat who votes strictly party lines or fails to make any progress on anything during their term....vote em all out! That's what I'm gonna do.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 01:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It seems that all of the holidays are changing, actually morphing into some sleazy shadow of what they once were. Halloween is a good example. We have gone from celebrating departed souls to kids dressed up like hookers demanding candy at our door. Christmas is getting just as ridiculous. One hundred years ago it was about celebrating the birth of Jesus and experiencing the true joy of giving. In one hundred years from now, when December will actually be the beginning of Autumn, I expect it will have devolved into some bland ritual where we trade "consumer credits" and point bright lights up into the sky off of the roofs of our houses as we search for "Holiday". "Holiday" will be a fat man (a corporate executive) in a red tie who passes over each year on the 25th of December to honor the true meaning of credit which represent the holiday spirit of consumption....or something like that.

My dad used to tell stories of growing up in Wisconsin in the early part of the twentieth century when they really did get around on horse and sleighs at Christmas. I grew up in Southern California, so we could only fantasize such things. But that's what the "Night before Christmas" story was for as well as the Christmas Carole's.
There was a certain magic at Christmas that I'm sure kids don't experience these days. I think it had to do with the fact that we never got much thru out the year so at Christmas we really had something to look forward to.

Now I'm not Christian but I think this generic-offend no one- thing that Christmas is turning into is a bunch of crap. I want Christmas to remain a Christian holiday. It is about celebrating the birth of Christ and the spirit of giving which is what Jesus's life was really all about. I like the songs and the mangers and the whole Christian spirit of it all. Even though I may not philosophically agree with their message, who cares? This is a Christian holiday and if you don't like that then don't celebrate it! But don't try to change it because the message offends you. Start your own damn holiday if you must, but let the Christians keep their Christmas intact. Besides, it's a part of our American tradition. So to all of you atheist's and Jews and Muslims and whoever else gets offended by the Christian message, I say, get over yourself and put your energy into something more constructive.

One last thought on Christmas....a few of my own personal Christmas wishes.....

I wish that somebody would invent a Xmas tree stand that really worked.

I wish that people would quit putting up these Costco blow up things in their front yards.

I wish that there was a way to unravel my Xmas tree lights in less than 2 hours.

I wish that I knew how to wrap a gift better then a 6 year old.

But mostly, I wish that we can all put aside our political, spiritual, and social differences for a few weeks and just accept each other for who we are, regardless of what that is, and allow the true spirit of love, generosity, and acceptance to fill our hearts. I think we can, at least until after the first of the year when the primaries begin....then screw you all, especially those of you who disagree with me. Until then....Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Posted by Joe Shaw at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A while back I wrote a little piece on unresolved childhood issues. A good friend, who happens to be a counselor, read my most recent blog about growing up catholic and remarked that it reeked of unresolved anger towards the catholic church. My response to this person was...."well duh." So I would like to add a few more thoughts on "unresolved childhood issues"....

It seems to me that people in the field of psychology have this idea that at some point in life we need to "resolve" our unresolved childhood issues. Personally, I don't think that is possible. I have said before that the best we can hope to do is to change how we react to the buttons that are pushed when these issues pop up. They also say that at some point we need to forgive those who hurt us as children. That's true, but forgiveness doesn't necessarily absolve pain and anger, it just helps to deal with it. The pain and anger may no longer be surface issues, but to a more subtle degree, they remain as motivators and energizers. The trick is to use this motivation in a positive way, not to hurt or do the same thing to others that was done to us.

My main childhood issues stemmed from violence in the home (as well as school and the neighborhood)which led to abandonment issues because there was nobody showing up to protect me. My other main issue was lack of self worth stemming from years of being taught that I was a sinner and pretty much worthless in the eyes of God. In the catholic church you are actually born with "original sin" on your soul. Talk about being powerless!

These issues motivated me to do the opposite of what was done to me. As far as my violence and abandonment issues, I made sure in my adult life that I would never physically harm a child or bully another person in anyway. My motivator was empathy i.e. not wanting another to feel the pain that I felt. But I also recognize when a button is being pushed. I do not deal well with bully tactics. I cannot stand to watch one person render another person helpless in any way. I will step in if I see an adult harming a child or a man bullying another man or woman. I do not want to "resolve" these issues to the point that I am no longer effected by them.

As far as my church issues go, people who know me think that I am angry with the catholic church and I have to take issue with this. The fact of the matter is, I am angry with all churches! Let me be clear that it is the institutions of religion and not the followers that get my goat. The followers are usually well minded folks who are just trying to do the right thing. My personal issue with churches has to do with my personal disembowelment by the nuns and priests when I was a child. This childhood experience has been my motivator for seeking truth over lies and freedom over control. Had I "resolved" my church issues, my life long search for truth would have been much more apathetic and without the zeal and passion in my quest for honesty and self empowerment. Plus, I suffer from this little side effect that makes me have to poke fun at religions. They owe me that much, please let me keep it.

These inner issues are what makes us who we are and makes us do the things we do. We do not have to resolve them. We just need to learn from them and let the pain of our childhood be a motivator to move forward in our own lives so that we don't make the same mistakes that others before us have made. Isn't this evolution? Forgive and forget? No way. Forgive....maybe, but never forget because then the lesson is lost. Resolve our childhood issues? No....turn them around.

Posted by Joe Shaw at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I grew up in the catholic church. It's hard to think about any part of my childhood without relating it to the church in some way. My earliest memories were of Father Brown. He is the priest that baptized me. Father Brown was an old fashioned type preacher, a hell fire screamer and a pulpit pounder. He drilled into me at an early age that I was probably going to go to hell. I never wanted to go to hell, but everything I did was a mortal sin, so...you play you pay. Do the crime you do the....whatever, the point is, I always knew I was going to go to hell. I was taught that Jesus really did love me, but if I broke His laws, well, watch out!

Although my childhood was filled with guilt, fear, and shame, I still have to admit that I loved my church. I loved getting dressed up for mass on Sunday mornings. It was my only opportunity to wear a suit and tie. It didn't matter to me that my suit came from the Good Will, I just enjoyed being able to utilize my collection of tie pins and cuff links. My Dad would take me to Novena's on Friday evenings (maybe they were Thursday's?) Later in life, when I started writing music, I always credited the haunting melodies of the songs they sang at Novena as my deepest inspiration for my style of writing music. That and Ricky Nelson.

When I was twelve I became an alter boy. I remember watching the priest getting ready for mass as they put on robes and sashes and all these things that just draped over their arms and neck. They would kiss each piece as they put in on. I always felt sorry for them when it was hot, and the summers in San Bernardino were really hot. I never memorized the Latin I was supposed to know for mass, so I became an expert at mumbling in a way that kind of sounded like Latin. I was always surprised that the priest never called me on that. As an alter boy, I had access to the rectory where the communion hosts were stored in a small box. Now when you took holy communion, you weren't supposed to let the host touch your teeth, and that bugged me because I really wanted to just chew those things up. I used to consider stealing a few of them from the rectory just to see what it would be like to snack on them. At this point they were considered bread. After the priest blessed them at Mass then they were the blood and flesh of Christ. So I figured that if I could take a few while they were still bread, it would not be a big deal. But then again, it would just be another deal breaker for staying out of hell, so I never did it.

Most of the priests were alcoholics and chain smokers with very short tempers. Father Hatch was an old guy who was always shaking, he could barely get his cigarette to his mouth. I think the tremors were a result of his drinking. Father Kaiserhour was a German priest. His accent was so thick, you couldn't really understand his sermons, but when he cussed, you knew exactly what he was saying. He didn't cuss in church, but when one of us boys got in trouble at the catholic school....well, lets say we learned a lot of cool words from Father Kaiserhour.

There was a lot of sexual repression in the fifties. It's no joke when you hear about boys from that era getting a hold of a national geographic to look at the pictures of the naked pygmies. That literally was the only time we ever got to see what a real breast looked like. But for me, I always fantasized on the pictures of the half naked angels in the bible. They were usually female, and they always had these garments that were about to slip right off from their breast. Just another reason I knew I was going to go to hell.

Catholic school was another story. Sure, the schools were tough in a lot of ways but they made up for it by being institutions of cruel and unusual punishment. The nuns were skilled in the art of torture. They scared me more than the priest ever did. Once I had to kneel on a concrete floor from nine in the morning to three in the afternoon when school let out because I shot a nun with a rubber band. I must have crushed something because I have had knee problems ever since that day.

It's always amusing to me when I run into a practicing catholic and the subject of religion comes up. They always say the same thing...."You really should give the church another chance, they have changed completely." I hope they are saying that they have changed for the better! Either way, I always pass on the offer. As I have said before, I do not regret being raised catholic and I do have a lot of fond memories of the church, but you just can't put the toothpaste back into the tube once it's out. It is not my intention to insult any practicing catholic by writing about my memories. If I have, well, that's just an added bonus. We all must follow our hearts, and if your heart leads you into a catholic church, that's fine, but could you tell me one thing? Do they still use those fifties bibles with the cool pic's of the half naked angels? If so, do you know where I could get a copy?

Posted by Joe Shaw at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)