From outside the box

I have this theory that every person has at least one "Super Power". OK, maybe super power isn't the proper way to describe it, maybe "special talent" or "expertise" or "awesome ability" fits better, but I prefer the term "Super Power". A "Super Power" is something you do better than anybody else you know. It's like a gift, something your just born with. It can be your special ability to attract money or women, maybe it's an ability to grow things, maybe you make people laugh just by looking at them, or maybe you have a special ability with numbers.

My mother had super powers when it came to baking. She never measured anything, she just threw stuff together, what ever she could find around the kitchen, and it always came out perfect. She did this with bread, cakes, cookies, meatloaf, and things that had no name for what it was. She did however have one flaw in her cooking....walnut shells in the cookies. Everybody knew that when grandma made cookies with walnuts in them, you proceeded very carefully with small bites chewed slowly or you might die.

I have two super powers. One of them is the ability to tell the time without looking at a clock and be right on the mark. I can even do this in the middle of the night. Often I'll wake up and guess the time before I look at the clock and I'm usually within 10 minutes of the true time. Is it genius? Is it a clock in my head? I Don't know, it's probably more like a "Rain Man" thing because I do like my underwear from K-mart, definitely gotta be K-mart.

My other super power is the ability to get great parking spaces everywhere I go, no matter how crowded it is. I can do this at the movie theatre, the Sports Club, downtown on Thursday night when there's farmers market going on, or at any crowded restaurant parking lot. It's like God always saves me a place. I don't know why He doesn't like to see me have to walk very far, but I can tell you this, He makes up for it in other areas.

This brings me to what I call "Anti Super Powers". We all have them as well. There's a part in the movie "Places in the Heart" where Sally Fields character meets up with an old friend, a black slave played by....can't remember his name. But she says to the slave...."Moses, you look real good!" The slave replies, "Yea, I got a deal with God. He lets me look good on the outside but I gotta feel real bad on the inside." So you see where I'm going with this. My greatest anti super power is picking a line to wait in. I'm talking about lines at the grocery store, movie theatre, anywhere that you have a choice as to which line you want to get in. We usually pick the shortest line, right? Well that never works for me. If I pick a line where there is two people in front of me and the other three lines all have seven or eight people, they will all get thru before I do, guaranteed every time!

My other anti super power is the ability to make my phone ring simply by picking up my guitar and getting into a good groove or sitting down to write a blog. My phone will go for hours without ringing but as soon as I start doing something where I want to be able to focus my attention, it starts ringing constantly until I'm finished with my project. It's kind of like how your door bell rings whenever you get into the shower. Some folks call these things Murphy's law. I call them anti super powers because they are more like a gift or an ability. I swear, if I'm waiting for somebody to come over and they are an hour late or I'm starting to wonder if their going to come at all, I just get in the shower, then they show up. Even if I'm not expecting company, and say I decide I want somebody to come over, I just take a shower. Me wet = door bell rings.

When I was younger, I had a lot more anti super powers than I do now, but I learned how do deal with them. I learned how to fool karma, as Earl would say. I once possessed the ability to make things disappear. I was especially good at doing this with pens, guitar picks, and reading glasses. I don't know where they went, but it seemed that no matter where I put them, when I needed one of them, they had disappeared. So I figured out a way to fool karma, and it worked. I bought 200 guitar picks, 50 ink pens, and 20 pairs of reading glasses. I scattered them around my house, on every table top and in every drawer. Problem solved. I never want for a pen, a guitar pick, or reading glasses. Once I realized how well this worked, I started doing it with anything that I needed but couldn't find. Anytime I can't find something, I go shopping. I've done this with scotch tape, scissors, telephones, Kleenex boxes, cork screws, nose spray, measuring tape, and screw drivers. In the Shaw house, you will find dozens of these things all over the place.

So when people say to me "Golly Joe, you have such an amazing power for finding parking places! How do you do it?" I respond with, "Yea, I got a deal with God. He lets me park close, but he makes up for it when I get in line!"