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Growing up and as a young man, I never thought much about having kids. I wasn't really against the idea, it just wasn't on my to-do list in life. I was 23 when my first (of four) child was born. Up until that point in my life, I lived by a certain code and that code was...."Life is all about me!" There is nothing like having a baby to bring a person out of themselves, to realize that there are more important things in the world than you.
It would be nice if I could sit here and write about what a great Dad I was. The truth is, like with most things in life, I was great in some ways and terrible in others. Although that baby became the most important thing in my life, "I" still ran a close second. I vowed to work hard, but not too hard. I vowed to be a better husband, but not too much better. I vowed to do whatever I had to do to make life work for this child, while never forgetting that I was still young and wanted to have my share of fun. Fifteen months later my first son was born.
Over the next few years I got better at being a father and worse at being a husband. Soon I found myself in the role of part time single parent. Now this isn't meant to be about my personal history, I'm just trying to lay a foundation. What I want to say is that everything we do in life is a learning experience as we do it. You are not a professional parent just because you had a child. Parenting, more than anything else, is a hands on learning thing because, as they say, babies do not come with manuals.
I have learned that it takes several ingredients to make a good parent. You have to have the ability to listen to others who have raised kids. You have to be willing to sacrifice a lot of your personal dreams, or at least modify them. You have to become efficient at multi tasking. You have to realize that you have a new responsibility to yourself and your own health because what is good for you is good for the child. You have to be strong, mentally and physically. You need to have a strong enough character to be the "bad guy" when it's necessary for your child's own good. But most of all, you need to be capable of loving something more than you love yourself.
Over the years I have watched many adults, as well as teens, stumbling thru the role of parenting. Like myself, they all make mistakes. I don't pretend to have all of the answers to being a great parent, but like most parents, I have learned a few things along the way. The greatest talent we bring to parenting comes from the fact we were once children ourselves. It is so important to know that much of who we are today comes from our childhood experiences. If we can consciously connects those dots, we can see the mistakes we are doing that need to be changed as well as enhance the good things we are doing, the things that our parents did that made us better.
The most important thing we can do as parents, besides keeping our children safe, is to instill a sense of self worth. Just spending one on one time with them is important. Riding a bike or just hanging out can be better than taking them on an expensive vacation because when you are completely focused on the child you are valuing their opinion and you are letting them know that they are worth your time. Physical abuse, talking negative, abandoning, ignoring, and not touching, break down a child's self worth. These things just layer on the crap they will eventually have to remove later in life, and I can tell you from experience, it takes a lot of work.
All parents want their children to be happy and successful in life. I don't think there is any one thing we can do to ensure that. Some kids will find their way regardless of what we do or don't do. However, it is our responsibility to do the best we can, considering who we are and the tools we have to work with. Life is hard for everybody, and it's going to be hard for our kids as well. So why not give them a good start by giving them a little more of yourself?
I would like to see the democrats win the white house as well as complete control over both houses in congress. I figure that the republicans have screwed things up so bad when they had complete control, that the dems really couldn't do much worse. If things did get worse in four years, I would drop them all and find an independent or a third party....as would a whole lot of other Americans.
I have decided on a name for my little electric car. I call it the "What Me Worry". It's a play on independence from gasoline as well as a tribute to my old childhood idol Alfred E. Newman. There was just something special about a guy on a magazine cover smiling as he was driving a pencil into his right eye....at least to a 12 year old in 1961.
Speaking of Mad Magazine, I have decided which three people in the world look most like Alfred E. Newman, and here are my picks....George Bush, David Letterman, and Prince Charles.
I saw "Get Smart" at the theatre yesterday. Now I don't laugh that easy at comedies, but I have to say that this was a pretty funny movie. I give it an 8 out of 10. I see that "The Love Guru" has gotten some pretty bad reviews, but since it's Mike Myers, I'll have to check it out.
Why don't they serve french fries in movie theatres?
Thumbs up to The Red Cross for doing so much to help the fire victims in our area. Thumbs down to the folks at Yankee Hill who not only are refusing to leave a dangerous fire zone, but demanding that Red Cross come to them with food and porta potties! I guess that's what you do when your used to social services and entitlements.
I'm glad to see the new law going into effect next week about driving hands free from cell phones. However, I've already tried and returned three different Blue Tooth's (Blue Teeth?). Either I can't hear very well or the person on the other end can't hear me. Anybody got a recommendation for a good Blue Tooth?
I predict that the greatest blunder in sports history is going to be the San Francisco Giants acquisition of Barry Zito. 125 million for a guy who throws about as good as an average high school pitcher! And their stuck with him for 3 or 4 more years....talk about an albatross around your neck!
I figured out a way to cope with all of this smoke in the air. I just imagine it's a warm December and the smoke is the tulley fog. Really, it looks about the same. Now I don't care much for the tulley fog but it's a heck a lot better than smoke. Takes a little imagination but it helps.
I just got in yesterday from 6 days on the road, three of them at Laguna Beach for a family reunion. What a wonderful and strange event a family reunion is, especially when you don't hold them very often. I won't bore you with too many details, but I would like to share my over-all (over-view?) thoughts about the get-together.
My most outstanding impression from the whole event is how acutely aware you become of "cycles". When you only see certain families every ten years or so, it's like watching life fast forward, except with the tape skipping. It seems like overnight, babies become kids, kids become young adults, young adults become middle aged, middle aged adults become old, and the old, well some are just gone. Time waits for no one.
My other over-all impression was that I really do come from a family of hams! At dinner on Saturday, as different people were performing and speaking, I was looking around the room at the gathering of over one hundred relatives and I realized that there wasn't one shy person in the whole group! I think that any one of them would have been happy to take the microphone and either MC or perform in some way, and that was before the alcohol kicked in! I told my son, who has always enjoyed performing in plays, "If you ever wondered where you get your 'performing gene', just take a look around you."
My greatest impression, however, was the joy of realizing that I share genes with so many good decent people. I'm talking about people who have endured tragedies that would have sent your average person into life long depression, people who have helped to raise grandchildren, people who have been brave enough to declare their sexuality not knowing what the consequences would be and their close relatives who accepted them for who they are even though they might disagree with their lifestyle, people who have as adults (and after or while raising kids) put themselves thru college and made careers for themselves, and people who have stuck with their marriage thru the good and the bad (unlike myself).
On the personal side.... I would like to extend kudos to my sister Celeste who worked so hard to make this happen, and with back pain to boot! Mark, playing guitars with you was my favorite part, I hope we don't have to wait 8 years to do it again. Cindy and Jennifer, life is just fun when you two are around! Curt, you might be a republican, but I appreciate your open mindedness to "the other side". Pat, all I can say is your "kids" are lucky to have a teacher like you. Mike, if everybody was aware as I am of the humor, as well as the depth, that lies behind that subtle grin, they would be blown away. Donna, forgive me for the stupid thing I said about Chris, I'm sure he was bullshitting me.... just trying to impress his uncle Joe. It was the sixties, what can I say? Maggie, thanks for the 1917 bubbly, however, I am still skeptical. Dennis, how do you keep getting all these beautiful girlfriends? Stacia (Bunny), your an old soul. Someday, on another plane, it will be fun to review some of the many lifetimes I know we have spent together. Carole, sorry you couldn't make it, we were all very aware of the void created by the absence of your energy. Kacky, you are nuts! Great costume, great stories about Dad. Janice, you should find a way to write more. You have insight as well as humor, what else does a person need to be a writer? And brother Dan, I should be available to smoke cigars/pipes in about an hour, I'll call you.
In conclusion....Where else but a family reunion can you throw together such a diversified and colorful mixture of Christians, atheist's, intellectuals, new age philosophers, republicans, democrats, wild teenagers, old folks, musicians, homosexuals, oversexuals, and everything in between, and enjoy total respect and acceptance....What a weekend!....What a family!
This is a response to my last blog about being a Father. It comes from my sister Janice. It has such a great message that I decided to post it as a blog....
Your children are so blest! On Father's Day I think of all of the fathers who have just walked away, and out of the life, of their children. This is my experience. I have given birth to two, yes two, sons whose fathers just walked away! I was impregnated the first time as a single woman, in the 50s where an "unwed mother" either went into hiding or had an abortion in Tijuana. I went into hiding, gave birth, as I absolutely do not believe in abortion, and gave the child up for adoption. Just 1-1/2 years later, I married a much older man, never thinking he would impregnate me, who walked away again, after finding out I was pregnant after three months of marriage. His advice to me was get an abortion or get lost! Again, I chose life. It was difficult. Thank God for good parents who shouldered most of the responsibility . Luckily the adopted son is back in my life, and both of my sons have turned out to be very successful and responsible individuals who have both made this world a much better place. But every Father's Day, I cannot help but think of these two fathers, both long dead, if they ever gave even a thought to the whereabouts or what was happening to the children they fathered, on Father's Day. They did not deserve Father's Day. Both of my sons are exceptional people but I cannot help but think how much more they would have been with a loving caring father. So, all you young women out there, please think hard and long about whom you choose for partners, husbands, etc. those who possibly could father your children, if they would truly appreciate and accept the awesome and beautiful challenge of fatherhood. If you are one of those fathers likened to those mentioned above, do the greatest thing you can do on this earth, find your child and make contact, then you too can truly enjoy a happy Father's Day.
Posted by: Janice Murray | June
Since it's father's day, I thought I would write about being a father. I think Father's day should be a day that fathers give thanks for all that their kids have done for them and meant to them. Having children was the best thing that I have ever done. They have given me love, purpose, and direction. I can't imagine what kind of man I would have turned out to be had I never had kids. Probably very self centered and lonely.
When my son had his first child last year, I told him that nobody is ever ready to be a parent. In fact, the most important things that happen to us in life, children being born, parents dying, new jobs, moving to new area's, getting married, we are never really ready to face them, they just happen and we grow into the experience. Such is parenthood. There is no manual or classes, there is nothing to completely prepare you for being a parent, it just happens and soon your acting like a parent! I know that I felt too immature to be a father when my first child was born. I was scarred, young, and broke. But when you hold that baby in your arms for the first time, there is no doubt from that moment on what you have to do. The fear instantly turns to joy.
As a father, I always tried to remind myself that these souls who came into my life are not mine. I was simply a temporary custodian. They may have my DNA and they may rely on me for survival in their youth, but they are and always have been complete beings unto themselves. And as a father, I have always tried to walk that thin line between teaching them moral values and survival skills, while giving them enough space to make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons, and find their own path.
The greatest honor of being a parent is knowing that these souls chose me to be their father (there are no accidents). And however long I have left in this world, it gives me great comfort to know that my children will always be a part of that journey. Whatever our trials, whatever our joys and accomplishments, non of us will ever face them alone, we will always have each other to share the good times and to lean on during the hard times.
So on this father's day I want to say thank you to my kids, because they have been my greatest gifts. They are four incredible individuals who have in part made me who I am. They each have their own purpose in this world and the world is definitely a better place because they are in it. I love you Becky, Byron, Lisa, and Brady.
I've been noticing more of those video cameras around town, you know, the ones that bust you if you run a red light. These cameras are probably a good thing, especially when it comes to seeing who is at fault in an accident, but I think we have to be careful as to how far we go with this. We probably have or in the near future will have the technology to see everything every driver does at anytime and any place on the highways and streets, via camera's and from car computer's that would relay driving information to "the authorities". But what would it mean if you get a ticket every time you technically broke a traffic law?
The insurance industry understands that nobody can drive anywhere, for any length of time, without breaking at least one traffic law. Personally, I believe the safer of a driver you are, the more laws and rules you break. You understand which laws are safe to break and when, and you understand when you need follow the rules to the letter. Can you imagine everybody driving like a stiff 16 year old taking his drivers test? When you get comfortable behind the wheel, when you really know what you are doing, you drive more in a "flow" rather than the rigid "follow every rule to the letter" type of driving. A "flow" driver might role thru a four way stop sign if there are no other cars in sight. A "flow" driver might speed on a freeway (never tailgaiting or cutting other cars off) but would never speed in a residential neighborhood because he/she understands that there are children playing and cars backing out of driveways without looking. It's all about being relaxed, being totally attentive, and trusting your skills and instincts.
Now imagine if you got a ticket in the mail for every single driving infraction you broke. Who would gain from this? Insurance companies and city coffers. On the other hand, it really wouldn't work because in no time at all, everybody would loose their drivers license due to too many tickets. But if there's a way for the government and the insurance companies to increase their profits and income, and still keep everybody driving, I'm sure we can count on politicians, with the aid of insurance industry lobbyist's to figure it out. A good start is to post camera's over stop lights.
I met Nancy in 1968. I was wondering around on campus at San Bernardino Valley College, during lunch break, when I heard the most beautiful flute sounds echoing in and around the buildings. I was immediately drawn to that music, like a character in a cartoon when they smell a pie cooling off on the window ledge and then they kind of float over to it, following the ribbons of aroma. Nancy was skinny, (back then we all were) with long flowing black hair and smooth white skin. She looked like Snow White serenading a group of students who had formed a circle around her. I don't remember how or why we started talking, but we did and soon became good friends.
Nancy and I enjoyed getting together and spending hours playing music, her on the flute and me on acoustic guitar. I learned she was a flautist with the San Bernardino Symphony Orchestra as well as a student at the college. Apparently she recorded in Hollywood from time to time as a studio musician and knew a lot of people in the music business. I never paid much attention to her stories of famous people because at the time, everybody who played in a band in Southern California, seemed to know somebody famous. You always took these stories with a grain of salt because everybody exaggerated about their acquaintances with rock stars.
Later that year, I was excited to hear that Janis Joplin was coming to San Bernardino. She was going to play in concert at the Swing Auditorium with Chicago, who was then known as Chicago Transit Authority. I always wanted to see Janis, as well as Chicago, in concert so I couldn't wait to get my ticket. I had heard the rumors that she was always drunk when she performed and I wanted to see it for myself.
Right before the tickets came out I was talking to Nancy and she says to me, "I'm playing at the Janis Joplin concert, would you like to go with me and watch from back stage?" My response was something like, "You sounded like you just said....never mind, I know you didn't say that, you couldn't have said that!" She assured me it was for real. I later learned that Nancy was the type of person who always understated things. If she said she knew somebody famous, she probably knew them better than she let on. I had no clue at the time just how connected she was to the recording scene as well as the concert circuit.
Now I had been going to shows at the swing auditorium since I was a little kid. I'd seen everybody from Tennessee Ernie Ford to Ricky Nelson there over the years. So the idea of getting to go backstage was more than a big deal for me, and especially to see somebody up close like Janis Joplin! I wondered if she would be drunk, wow, how cool would that be to see Janis drunk and singing the blues! She didn't disappoint.
Back then there were always three or four bands who played in a concert and it took 20-30 minutes in between acts to break down the previous act and set up the new one. Nancy was somehow connected to a big concert promoter who paid her to play her flute and entertain the audience while the roadies were making the change over for the next band. She did this mostly around Southern California. That night there were actually 4 bands playing. Besides the headliners, there were Lee Michael's and MC5. When we went in back stage, I was surprised to see all these guys from the different bands greeting and hugging Nancy, like they've known her for years! And here was I, this goofy-not-to-cool-short haired 19 year old nobody right in the middle of all these long haired hippie musicians I had seen many times on album cover pictures and listened to on the radio.
But the payoff of the evening was when a drunk Janis Joplin came stumbling into the room, swigging from a bottle of Southern comfort, being propped up by two girls dressed like gypsies, whining about how scarred she was because there were too damn many people out there in the audience. Not only were the rumors true about the southern comfort, I learned that the 2 women she was with were her currant lovers! It was the first time in my life I had ever seen two women kiss, and it was Janis Joplin doing the kissing! Too cool!
So I'm wondering how Janis is going to perform when she's drunk on her ass. She could hardly walk or talk.
And to top it all off, while her band was tuning up on stage a girl from the audience popped her head under the curtain and handed Janis a bottle of cheap wine, which she proceeded to chug in about 2 minutes flat. Now she's so drunk she can't stand or talk, she just starts yelling at her band and mumbling about how she didn't want to be there because she was so scarred. I knew I was about to witness a disaster, history in the making and I'm just 10 feet away watching the whole episode unfold.
What happened next, I will never understand. It shouldn't have happened but it did happen. As soon as she was announced and the curtain went up, Janis sprang to life. She sang with perfection. She talked and danced around the stage like she had been back stage meditating and doing stretch warm ups. But I KNEW what she had drank, I saw it, at least a full bottle of southern comfort and a full bottle of wine. God only knows what she may of had earlier in the day! But here she was, being driven on by the energy of the screaming fans, or whatever enabled her to do what she was doing, and doing it with style and grace. Maybe it was just sheer talent, I'll never know. That night I walked away from that concert with three resolutions ingrained in my mind. #1....I'm starting a rock and roll band, #2.... I'm never cutting my hair again, and #3....From now on, Im going to believe everything Nancy tells me.
Nancy and I sort of drifted apart over the next year. Every now and then, I wonder what became of her. Did she go on to play professionally in a philharmonic orchestra? Did she get married and have kids? I'll never know, but I'll always have the memories of that night back stage at the Swing Auditorium....as well as some sweet gossipy tidbits about Janis Joplin!
What is true forgiveness? How do you forgive somebody when the emotional scars linger on? Maybe the scars never heal per say. Maybe we just wear them like old soldiers wear their battle scars. Maybe the best we can hope for is to get far enough beyond the pain so that we no longer react to the pain. Maybe the important thing is that the wound heals and the scars left behind are nothing more than bad memories, or just another notch on our belt of experience.
I grew up with an angry, highly emotional and explosive father who swung first and asked questions later. As a result of the beatings I took from my father, I experienced a lot of anger in my youth. As I age and that anger dissipates, I have looked for a way to forgive my father, not necessarily because he deserves it, but because I know that it is important for my own evolution.
I think that most forgiveness comes natural with the passing of time, like the healing of wounds. As the abusive parent grows old and their own inner demons begin to subside, your anger towards them slowly turns to compassion. You just kind of let things go and move on with your life. But still, there often remains this touch of anger, this part of you that keeps asking, "How can a grown man be so mean to a helpless child?" And I always questioned that because I have always put myself above that kind of behavior. I have always prided myself on the ability to learn from the mistakes my parents made with me so as not to repeat, and on the other hand, emulate the good things they did. Or at least I liked to think I was that kind of person. But now I'm not so sure I was.
Recently I was watching a home video I made back in the early nineties. I hadn't seen this video since I made it. In this video I am tapping a bunch of kids playing at the house, a party or something, but there was this one boy who didn't want to be tapped. On the video you can see this child is very irritated that I was tapping him and kept whining about it, trying to get away from me. So what did I do? I chased him with the camera tapping him as he was crying and trying to run away from me! And I'm laughing about this! What a jerk! Now if you were to ask me before I watched this tape last week if I had ever done anything like that in my life, I would have sworn that I never did. But video doesn't lie.
Later that day I was standing in my back yard, just tripping out on the afterglow of the sunset and the evening twilight (always a meditaive time of day for me), and I'm thinking really hard about that video I made and wondering how I could be so insensitive to a small child. My only comfort was knowing that I am no longer that person. Since having a baby in my mid forties, and seeing him thru most of his childhood, I have become very sensitive to children, all children. If I saw a grown man chase a child with a video camera the way I did 16 years ago, I can tell you that man would need a proctologist to get his camera removed. So as I'm standing there thinking about that, I realized that I was no different from my own father. Maybe I never beat a child, but isn't it the same issue? Isn't life about learning from our mistakes? Maybe my father did things when he was younger that he never would have done later in life. We can't change what we have done, but we can change who we are and what we choose to do now.
I like to think that later in life, my father might have realized that he made a lot of mistakes. I'll never know for sure because he was not the kind of man to talk about emotional issues or lessons learned. That was the one flaw with "The Greatest Generation", they weren't very good at saying "I love you", or dealing with emotional issues. They weren't raised that way. Neither was my generation, but thank God, most of us figured those things out on our own.
So maybe true forgiveness has something to do with realizing that you are not that different from the person you need to forgive. You come into this world with little or no baggage and then thru the good experiences in life you develop the necessary tools go out on your own and survive and thru the bad experiences you get your baggage which in return gives you the personal challenges you will need to grow even more. I'm sure one day my children will (the grown ones probably already have) wonder how I could have been so blind in certain areas, how I could have made some of the mistakes I have. That's ok though. If they can take the love and all the good stuff I gave them and make it a part of who they are and also commit to avoiding my mistakes so as not to pass them onto their children, then I will know that, considering who I was and what I had to work with, I did the best job I could do as a parent....just like my Father did.
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Why is it that most sports have something to do with one side trying to get a ball from here to there and the other side trying to stop the ball from getting there? At what point in the evolution of sports did the ball become the main catalyst of competition? And what is the purpose of sports? If it isn't about a ball, it's either about somebody trying to run further or faster than somebody else or it's two guys trying to damage each others body with their fists. Why are we so fascinated with people demonstrating their physical superiority over each other? Why do we like to see guys get hurt in the ring or cars crash on race tracks? Why do we care about who can do what with a ball? Why do we like to watch cowboys displaying their dominance over cattle? Why do we compete?
I've often wondered what aliens (assuming they are highly evolved beings) would think if they came here from another planet and the first thing they witnessed was a ball game. I think they would have to wonder why we don't try to reach an agreement on where that ball is supposed to be and then just put it there. However, being an advanced civilization, they would soon figure out that we are still in our competitive stage of evolution, something they probably worked thru eons ago, and decide we are not yet ready for contact.
I've heard the theory that sports and competition help to keep us out of constant wars. If that's true, it's not working very well. Is that why we compete? Is it just one stage higher than killing each other? Or is it that competition is a primal force etched deep into our collective consciousness, so deep that without it we never would have evolved as a species? It's true that evolution is based on competition. Species have always had to compete to survive and evolve. But isn't it funny how that inner drive to survive has come down to our need to control where a ball goes?
I'm not knocking sports mind you, I'm just trying to see sports from a detached point of view. I understand that it's a part of who we are, an expression of our need to survive and evolve. However, I do have to wonder if it is possible that at some point in time we can evolve beyond competition. That would also mean evolving beyond the need to dominate others or to seek personal attention for our superior skills. It would also mean evolving beyond war. What kind of a world would that be? Could life continue to survive and evolve without the need to compete? Would life be too boring or would we have replaced competition with loftier goals of self expression?
Lower life forms will always compete. They have to, it's the law of survival in a physical world. But us humans are operating from a higher consciousness, were just not completely demonstrating it yet. If we continue to reach for the highest we can be, if we keep realizing that we have the ability to change and always become more than we are, we will eventually replace the need to dominate with the need to cooperate. We will replace conflict with harmony.
As we move deeper into the age of technology, we are demonstrating an ability to accomplish things we never could have dreamed of, even a hundred years ago. The problem is, technology and conflict cannot co-exist for very long....and I don't see us giving up our technology anytime soon. We are at a point in our evolution where we must realize that in order to survive, we have to evolve beyond conflict, and quickly. But how can we do this? How can we take a giant leap in evolution and get beyond our deepest ingrained and most primal needs to survive by dominance and conflict? How can we get to the point that it no longer matters who does what with the ball?
It has to start with recognizing our connection more than our differences. We must begin to see ourselves in each other. We must modify our antiquated religious dogmas. Instead of seeing God out there, we should start looking at the God within. Instead of seeing everything as separate, we should put more attention on how everything might be connected.
If we were to take that giant evolutionary leap forward, what would replace our need to compete and dominate? Were already doing it, we've always been doing it. It has coexisted with war since we have been able to wage wars. It has been used to demonstrate our highest expressions of who we are and what we are capable of being. I'm talking about science and art. Thru sports we dominate. Thru war we dominate as well as destroy. Thru science and art we discover, we build, we express our inner divinity, we reach out to become more than who we are. Music does not compete. A painting does not compete. Science does not destroy....at least not until the military gets a hold of the science and pukes all over it.
It is in our nature to create beauty just as it is within us to destroy things. When we create beauty, we are reaching forward into our next step of evolution. When we destroy, we are reaching backwards to where we have come from and we cannot afford to go back, our technology will not allow us to keep reaching back and continue to survive. Sports doesn't have to become extinct. Like war, sports is not the cause of any of our problems but rather an expression of who we are, it's a symptom, not a cause. Maybe as we evolve, sports will evolve to become more of a self expression and less of a competition. And war?....well hopefully we'll let that expression die out altogether. When art and science take precedent over sports and war, we just might have a chance. When we all reach an agreement on where the ball should be and just put it there, our survival will be ensured.
I've fallen a little behind on writing lately. For me, creativity comes in cycles. I admire other bloggers who write everyday, they never seem to run out of energy or things to say. But for me, it's all about energy and that energy seems to come and go. Lately I've been dealing with a sore foot and I think my foot pain has interrupted my energy flow. If I'm tired, if I'm sick, or if I'm in any kind of pain, I just do the minimum in life.... and to hell with the rest.
Isn't it funny how 99% of your body can be working fine but it's the 1% that is in pain that gets all the attention? Every time a certain area of my body has a problem, it makes me appreciate how important that one area is to the functioning of the whole machine. If you live long enough, your going to experience little (or big) problems here and there with just about every part of your machine.
I've always said that shoes and mattresses are the two areas that you should never skimp on because you spend a third of your life on each one. I've always treated myself to nice mattresses but shoes are a problem. They are a problem for me because I wear a size 15 and sometimes a 16, depending on the brand. The reason my feet are so big is because of all my years of running in the 70's, 80's, and 90's. I was a mere size 13 when I was 30 years old, but after years of pounding my feet beneath a large heavy frame on concrete and blacktop, my feet flattened out and expanded to the larger size they are now.
I believe that everybody has at least one special talent as well as at least one personal challenge that separates them from everybody else. I have a few of each. One of my personal challenges has always been to find comfortable shoes. I gave up years ago on trying to find nice looking shoes. When you wear my size, you settle for what you can find. Whenever I went shopping for shoes I would just pop my head in a shoe store and ask if they had anything in a 15. Sometimes I would go thru the whole mall as well as most shoe stores around town and not find one pair. When somebody did have a pair I would try them on, and if they fit, I bought them. Often they were too tight. My theory is that the Asians who make most of our shoes can't really conceive of a size 15 foot, so they make them closer to a size 14. I know the logical thing is to wear a size 16....yea right, just try to find a pair of those babies.
The Internet has helped a little over the last few years. Even then, it can be difficult to find large sizes. I've learned now that when I find a shoe on line that works, I buy a couple pair of them because it might be a long time before I will find anything like them again.
There is one thing about size 15 shoes that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. That is the fact that 90% of the walking shoes you find in that size are bright white! It's almost impossible to find earth tones or muted colors. Why do the manufacturer's of large shoes think that people with large feet want to show them off? Your feet are already bringing enough attention to them just by being so big but when your shoes are bright white, they stand out like neon lights!
It was always difficult for me taking my kids shopping for shoes because I do not understand the concept of being picky when shoe shopping. I mean we'll go into a shoe store and there are dozens of pairs of shoes in all colors in the size my son needs, and he doesn't like any of them, he wants to go to another store! And I'm standing there thinking....My God, I'd give anything to have just one pair of these in my size. That's one of the reasons I can't shop with women, but since I wrote a whole blog about that last year, I won't go there now.
So getting back to my foot problem, I don't know what it is but I've got an appointment with a foot doctor in a few days. According to some Internet research, it looks like it could be a bunion. Some of the causes are flat feet and tight shoes. I got both of those bases covered. In the meantime, I will try to give more attention to the 99% of my body that is working quite well and less attention to the 1% that screams out in pain with every step I take. I will also reach deeper into myself to rekindle that creative spark that so easily gets doused out by a little pain. But if by chance there is anybody reading this who might have any connection to any shoe manufacturer's, please ask them to make a size 15 that fits like a size 15 and for God sakes, stop making them all in bright neon white!
To those of you who have commented on my blogs the last few days.....Sorry I havn't posted or responded to them. I was not notified in the usual way that I had responses. I should be caught up now. Thanks for your responses, they keep me motivated. Joe
I've never been one to watch old family videos or mull over photo's of days gone by, although I've always enjoyed taking the videos and photographs. I bought one of the first home video cameras available to the public back in the early eighties. It was a very cumbersome gadget. You had to wear a back pack full of heavy batteries with wires connecting over your shoulder to the camera and you only got about 30 minutes of shooting on a full charge. But I have to say, the videos I took over 25 years ago have maintained pretty good quality for sitting in a box in my closet all these years.
I have a family reunion coming up in a couple of weeks and one of my jobs will be to show some of the family get together's I filmed back then. So recently I bought a VHS/DVD player that also records VHS to DVD. So I've begun the long overdue process of recording from VHS to a DVD format. It's been a real trip down memory lane watching these videos, many of them for the first time. I am also reminded of why I don't like to watch old videos.... I was so young and skinny back then!
Just this morning I watched part of a family Christmas party from 1983. Right off the bat I counted four people in the room who are no longer in this world! There were kids who now have kids the same age as they were in this 1983 video. And the funny thing is, it doesn't seem that long ago! It really makes you aware of the cycle of life. It seems like I've watched a dozen generations go from baby to adult and each successive one happens faster and faster.
Time certainly seems to go faster as you get older, but I wonder why? Could it be the "theory of relativity"? I doubt it because I have too many "relatives without theory's". Maybe God does it as a mercy thing, so we can get thru old age quicker. I like to think it's because I'm enjoying my life more as I age. But then again, that could all be in my mind. I have a few relatives who like to remind me that life is not always as much fun as we think it is.
But still, do we really need those old videos to remind us of our youth? Deep down, on some hidden level, I think we all like to live with the illusion that we haven't changed that much over the years (I'm talking about baby boomers and older, not you forty year old squirts with all that natural color in your hair and those flat bellies). But if you really want to hold onto that mendacious apocryphal (it's a thesaurus thing, I'm not really that smart) self deceiving lie, fine, just don't look at any videos of yourself, past or present. The old ones will remind you of how different you looked then and the new ones will remind you of....well....what you look like. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
So for my middle aged and older nieces, nephews, and sisters who think they are going to enjoy a trip down memory lane by watching these old videos, I've got news for you friends....It's gonna burn! All of you looked pretty good back then. If you have any illusions that you haven't changed....hear me now and hear me good.... DO NOT ATTEND THE FAMILY VIDEO SEGMENT AT THE REUNION! Consider yourself warned.
Side note....you all still look pretty good....Sometimes I gotta make stuff up for the sake of dynamics.