Have you noticed how many celebrities are dying these days? In the last week I think I've counted two major ones (Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson), one 'has been' (Gale Storm), a side kick (Ed McMahon), one or two television commercial personalities, a few spouses of almost famous people, and one television interviewer (Larry king). I know, most people don't realize that Larry King actually died back in 1996, but he did. He was stuffed and has been doing his show for the last 13 years with the help of puppeteers. It's even fooled a few of his guests.

It used to be that famous people always died in two's, but now I think they are dying in twelve's. It feels like God is doing some kind of house cleaning. It makes me wonder who is going to die today. I also wonder if God would be open to some suggestions as to who He might take this week to finish off his even dozen, because I have a few ideas that would not only enhance the integrity of the entertainment industry, but would also strengthen the gene pool of humanity.

My first request would be that he takes Larry the cable guy. If I hear "get er done" one more time, I'm going to cancel my cable TV. And while your at it God, would it be too much trouble to take those other three red necks who do stand up with him? They really are annoying.

Next, I wouldn't mind if you took a few singers. You might start with Mariah Carey. I mean her voice is OK and all, but she keeps dressing like a high school cheer leader and I'm just not buying it any longer. It was cute for a few years, but she's like fifty years old now and she won't stop! Normally I would ask you to take Cher too, for obvious reasons of course, but since she quit making records I can live with her staying in the world. Besides, I'm afraid if she died they might start playing her more on the radio and that would be unacceptable. I also respect the fact that she serves as inspiration for gay crossdressers.

There are a couple of Las Vegas singers who I wish you would consider taking this week Almighty Father. Although like Cher, they no longer make records, they are still out there in the public eye bothering people. Of course I'm talking about Wayne Newton and David Cassidy. Although they do serve as a good reminder as to why nobody should ever get plastic surgery, they still make cameo appearances in movies and television shows from time to time, therefore, they got to go....if you please.

There is just one more famous person dear Lord who I would ask you to take and then we can be finished until your next round of twelve. The man I am talking about is obnoxious, egotistical, and an insult to everybody's intelligence, not to mention that thing he does with his hair. Of course I'm talking about Donald Trump. I get that you probably don't want him either, but we've been putting up with this guy plastering his name and his face on everything in sight for over twenty years now and enough is enough! There must be something you can do with him, somewhere he can go where people won't have to look at him do that thing he does with his mouth when he talks.

You started out OK with Ed McMahon, and I know you had good intentions taking Michael Jackson, although I think he was a wash. I mean I loved his dancing, but between those guttural screams and his appetite for young boys, I understand that he had to go. But I do take issue with you on taking Farrah from us. I have too many fond memories of that poster of her back in the seventies as well as how easily it got ruined from being in the shower. She will be missed.

All in all, you've been on a pretty good roll. I really do respect what your trying to do. Maybe think about taking less beauty queens and more sham wow guys. You might also take a good look at Branson Missouri while your at it. Lots of good pickings over there.