Kids are goofy little creatures. They remind me of dogs....or dogs remind me of kids, something like that. I have four grand kids, all between the ages of 20 months and six years old. One loves me, one likes me, one is indifferent to me, and one won't have anything to do with me....kind of like the last four women in my life.

For me, the fun part about kids is watching them have new experiences, like their first spanking....just kidding. I am a pacifist when it comes to kids. There are many reasons you should never spank a child. For one thing, you can do much more damage by shaming them and it takes less energy than hitting. My parents were great at both. First the screaming, then the belt, then the "'who do you think you are?" lecture. It was like they were in competition with them selves to see if they could do more damage to my self esteem or my ass. In a way, it was nice to see them get old and weak. My mother however, even well into her eighties, still had her ways of punishing those closest to her. She did it by leaving walnut shells in her chocolate chip/walnut cookies. Everybody suffered.

Actually, I love being a grand dad, except for one part....the cartoons. Why is it that when children are in the house, they automatically own the TV? I've never heard of a child making one payment on a television set or paying one cable bill, but just try and watch CNN when a kid is in the room. You might get two minutes of Anderson Cooper, if your lucky, but soon your watching Kenny the Shark, ICarly, or Little Bear. It's not fair. I sat through hundreds of hours Looney Tunes and Flintstone's with my first two kids back in the seventies, then hundreds of more hours of Sponge Bob and Hey Arnold with my last kid back in the nineties. And now, at 60 years old when I should be able to be grumpy and get my own way, I'm sitting here watching Sesame Street! Why do we do it? Any parent or grandparent knows the answer to that one....you do whatever it takes to keep them quiet. Kids own you that way and they figure that out early in life, usually during the first week.

Every parent has their favorite kid age, that era where they had the most fun with their kids. After going through the whole age spectrum I can tell you that my favorite kid age is thirty five. At thirty five, they're not quite ready to make it on their own, but they no longer require cartoons, unless they've been smoking pot. At least their cartoon watching has evolved to Family Guy and South Park. Ok, lets be honest here....I'm the one who got them into Family Guy and South Park. Cartoons are just more interesting when somebody's getting their eye poked out with a fork than watching a cute little bear playing with his mother in the forest.

Like I was saying, 35 is a great age for kids. You no longer have to buy them toys, instead, you just make their car payments. Sure, you still have to clean up their messes, but at least it's not peanut butter and jelly any more, just easy messes like divorces, unwanted pregnancies, and posting bail. It's great when they grow up.

So yes, I am a kid person. I guess it's because I'm still a kid at heart....or just an immature adult. Whatever. As long as I have children in my life, I will always be happy and fulfilled....and completely out of touch with what's happening in the news.