It's November 29th, just 26 more shopping days until December 24th, the day I do my Christmas shopping. On that day I will go to one store, any store that is open, and do all of my shopping in thirty minutes, maybe less. If all I can find open is a grocery store, so be it. They have a small toy section, right?
Here's the thing with shopping....I'd just as soon ram a rusty spike into my knee cap as spend an hour shopping. Shopping is painful for me. It's painful because, among other things, I make bad decisions. I do not know how to buy for people. Really, when I buy somebody a gift, I just end up pissing them off. Try giving an eck-a-sketch to a teenager, or frying pans to your girl friend. If I do buy them an appropriate gift, you can be sure that they already have at least two of them, and chances are I bought both of them over the last two Christmases.
I am convinced that there is such a thing as a shopping gene. It occurs naturally in all women, most gay men, and about 5% of the straight men (who by the way fit into a group for which there is no name). I understand that we all have to do things in life that go against our grain, or that we have no gene for. For instance, sometimes women have to put up with Monday night football blaring on the TV, sometimes they have to parallel park, and sometimes they might even have to listen to an opposing point of view about something, although tests have proven that for 96% of all women, this is literally impossible. Life is hard, it's how we grow. I get that. However, there should be certain limits to what a person must go through to please others.
I have always said that being single is a mixed blessing. There are advantages and there are disadvantages. The biggest disadvantage, for a guy, is of course, the fact that you have nobody to do the shopping for you. Single men should be given a pass. You'd never expect a single woman who's home all alone to sit through Monday night football, right? And if she can avoid parallel parking by walking an extra six blocks, most women will. So why is a single man expected to shop for other people? It's just wrong.
About Me: I am a baby boomer and a true product of the sixties. Although a lot of great ideals came out of that era, my generation made a lot of mistakes as well. I have tried to take the best of those ideals, as well as the lessons learned from my life experiences along the way, and hone them into a philosophy that gives me direction and purpose. This philosophy of mine is a witless blend of one part liberal, two parts practical, and three parts spiritual, mixed with just enough dry humor....to make you want to puke. This wouldn't be such a terrible thing if it weren't for the fact that I like to write. But I do. I hope you enjoy.
Aha, there are other “hate-shopping-can’t-buy-to-please-anyone-waiting-to-the-last-minute” like myself out there, thought I was alone. Why is it when a store advertises a “40%-60% off sale”, it’s the same price as it’s weekly 10%-20% off” sale? How is it that women know the exact store you bought something, when that same item is in several stores? And they get offended if it is from a “big box” store? Why do the stores complain about sales being down when most items are gone by the time the last minute shoppers arrive? Well, again this year I’ll wait to the last minute and go buy stuff that’s too big, too small, too cheap, too out dated or too impractical for everyone I care about. Then they can take it back, refund it and do what they like to do… SHOP!! It’s a gift that “keeps on giving”. ~mike
Joe's reply....This is great! Good stuff!