The word is out. One of the best kept secrets in modern times has been uncovered and revealed by the far right wing community of Christian intellectuals. Obama is the anti-Christ! It's just not fair that you can't keep anything from these people. They got that gosh darn bible that tells them everything. We Satan worshippers on the left had hoped to keep this secret long enough for our leader Beelzebub to open the gates of hell and along with his minions (us liberals) wreak his havoc, until the followers of, you know, that other guy, exposed our game plan. And it was such a perfect plan! Perfect that is until a few very keen observers read between the lines in their scriptures and discovered that their savior had warned them of the anti Christ who would be known as Ob-ah-ma, the lightning from the sky. Let me explain....

In the new testament, the book of Testicles, Ali versus Foreman, chapters 6-7, round 8, it is written...."And when the dark angel returns, he will be known as the lightning from the sky".....and of course everybody knows that in ancient Hebrew script the translation of "lightning from the sky" is pronounced as Ob-ah-ma, or "the anointed one". We never thought they would really figure this out, but since they have, I may as well go ahead and tell you what our devious plan was.

The plan was actually to have been carried out in five parts.
1. Socialize health care
2. Indoctrinate our youth
3. End the "just" wars
4. Sell the lie of global warming
5. End Christianity

Socializing health care would of course been only the beginning. We thought we could fool the intelligent right wing Christian patriots into believing that all we wanted to do was to create another choice for health insurance, an option (thought they'd fall for that word), which of course would have to have been funded and operated by, that's right....the government. We knew you would not take kindly to having a bureaucrat make your health care decisions for you, because damn it, that should be between you and your doctor. So we tried to fool you by saying that the system was broken and that we needed to take obscene profits out of the equation, but you smarty pants right wingers saw right through that scheme. We thought we could pass a lie off as 'common sense'. We thought we could make government bigger and more intrusive than ever, and you'd never see it coming until it was too late. Oh sure, we always knew that tort reform was the answer, but tort reform does NOTHING to increase the size of government so why would we go along with that? Plus, we needed the lawyers to carry out our plan.

Next we planned to indoctrinate our youth, a perfect place to plant the seeds of socialism. We had the teachers union on board (a very loyal group of socialist Satanist's I might add). The plan there was to get our children to see Obama as the modern day savior that he is. Hell, we even had prayers and songs all written in His honor.

The next part of the plan was to wind down the two wars George Bush had so righteously gotten us into. My gosh, don't you think we know that it's better to fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here? For God sake, they want to kill your family! Problem is, fighting them over there tends to stop them in their tracks and stopping terrorism is not in Beelzebub's, or any true liberal for that matter, best interest. So, how did we plan to stop the wars so that the terrorist's could regroup and live to terrorize us another day? We had to disarm the military. Our plan to do this was simple....allow gays to openly serve. Beezle, I mean Obama, knew that once all of the straight soldiers could no longer trust another soldier to "cover his back", they would quit signing up for the military. With a weakened military, terrorism could flourish around the world!

Once terrorist's had become more entrenched and emboldened it would only be a matter of time until they got their hands on a nuclear weapon or a "dirty bomb". Why would we want such a thing to happen? Do you really have to ask? If a large city in America got nuked, the destruction would be so horrendous that it would surely unite the whole world into a new age of peace agreements and eventually, complete nuclear disarmament. Imagine all of mankind holding hands and singing Kumbaya as we eagerly move on to the next step of establishing "New World Order" and then, eventually, getting rid of all hand guns. Beezlebub doesn't like resistance and he surely doesn't like guns!

Global warming was to be our next step. Although the seeds had been planted over 20 years ago, we decided to speed things up with loyal Satanist Al Gore. The funny part about all of this is that Al wasn't even a scientist, but he had a shloshy way of talking that sounded so sincere that we figured the right would buy right into the lie. We promised Al riches beyond his wildest dreams if he would just make us all believe that global warming was really happening. Once the world got on board we figured we would have a blank check, a mandate if you will, to get the doubters to go along with our liberal agenda. Problem was, Al used "facts" to sell global warming and we all know what the right wingers do with "facts". They turn them into dirty lies! Damn their good.

With Acorn, the ACLU, activist judges, and Oprah all on board, we figured we could then begin the final phase of handing all power over to the anointed one. At first, we would allow the churches to maintain the illusion of free speech and religious diversity as we ever so slyly went about disemboweling them. It was to start by making it mandatory to have a picture of Obama on the alters, next to, you know, that other guy. Next we make it mandatory that all preachers must be gay, all women that get pregnant must have an abortion, and all old people must be put to death. The final blow happens when we outlaw eating meat and praying. That's right, in order to be a practicing Christian, you would have had to be a vegetarian. Eat meat and don't pray or pray but don't eat meat, you pick one, can't do both. We knew that if Christians had to choose, they would give up their religion before they would their meat. This would have been the beginning of the end, or the end of a new beginning, or the beginning of a new ending, or the age of Aquarius, I don't know, I never got the proper vernacular down for that. At any rate, hippies would have been passing out joints as Ronald Reagan and Oral Roberts looked down in disgust at the site of their brigades of followers marching to the rhythms of U2 and the annoying rants of Depok Chopra as they guided them straight into the bowels of hell! We even had Oprah agreeing to teach them proper eating habits as well as assign reading material that would help to indoctrinate them as they so unwittingly turned a blind eye to their own savior and looked to the anointed one for guidance and enlightenment.

It would have been nice. But now, the game is over. Our lies have been exposed. Why Jesus, why did you have to warn them? Gosh darn ya Jesus, gosh darn ya (I'm shaking my hand towards the ceiling). Now I suppose their gonna go and get some right wing intellectual genius like Sarah Palin or that nude model guy, Scott Brown, to take out Obama in the next election. I can't say as I blame them. After all, we did try to destroy everything decent that they stand for....insurance company profits and the sanctity of marriage. You may have beaten us this time Jesus, but we'll be back, we will be back. Gosh darn ya, gosh darn ya.