If I had a dollar for every time the weatherman/women/people/persons, screw it, weatherman predicted snow in Chico over the 41 years I’ve been here, I’d be worth tens of dollars. If I had a dollar for every time it’s snowed Chico over the 41 years I’ve been here, I’d have like $3.12 The twelve cents would be for the slush I got on my windshield as I was driving home from dinner last night.
My issue is not with Mother Nature, she does what she does. My issue is with weathermen. Mainly, why are they wrong about rain 90% of the time and wrong about snow 100% of the time? They get the wind right and they’re pretty good at predicting the temperature. But when it comes to rain and snow they get a big “F”. Obviously weather prediction is not an exact science. Well, neither is predicting who’s going to win at the Oscars but I can get that right at least 50% of the time. So, what does weather and Oscar predictions have in common? Absolutely nothing! I don’t even know why I went there!
And since I’m on the subject of chastising weathermen, there’s something else I’d like to get off of my chest. I love rain. I’ve always loved rain. In fact, I have this theory that most people, on a primal level, love rain because rain is a good thing. It’s nourishing, it’s cleansing, it sounds good, it looks good, it feels good, and without it we’d all die. But why do most people think they don’t like rain? I’ll tell you why….because of weathermen! They always say negative things about the rain. Even if we’re in a drought and really need it, they manage to talk about it like it’s a plague! And in time, unconscious people buy into it.
It’s not like we’re about to hear Cher sing or Fran Drescher laugh or watch that fat girl on Glee dance around as she lip sinks “River Deep Mountain High”. It’s not a painful thing like that. It’s rain for God sake, it’s rain!
But getting back to the snow thing. I’m not very good at math but I have three simple theories why weathermen like to predict snow in Chico when they know darn well it’s never going to snow in Chico….One, it makes for better ratings when they can put out a 3 second snippet before the news: “Snow reaching the valley floor tonight, tune in at 5 for all the details”, and two, they love to see children get excited only to be let down the next day. That’s right, weathermen hate children as much as they hate rain. Perhaps if we changed the law as to allow weathermen to have children, they would quit lying about the snow. I know what you’re thinking and I agree, we can’t take that chance.
So December will come and go without a trace of snow, as usual. Worse than that, we are probably going to have a drought year again and that’s not good for anybody except the 90% of you who don’t like rain. The bright side to all this is that although we can’t control mother nature, at least we can control who we watch and who we listen to. So Cher can sing and Fran Drescher can laugh and the fat girl on Glee can jiggle around as she sings and dances….and weathermen can talk about the snow that’s coming to the valley floor….but I’m not listening.