Sara and Daisy made it home from Palo Alto late Monday night. Daisy is back and spunkier than ever. Thank you for your prayers.
I don't mean to keep writing about downer things. I guess sometimes the stressful stuff just piles on, and perhaps it is the stressful stuff that I feel compelled to write about.
Our dear dog Penny was diagnosed with lymphoma last June. Our eight year old Golden Retriever had developed a big lump in her throat, so I brought her to the vet to check it out. We decided to just treat the symptoms and make her final month or two as comfortable as possible. The doctor gave her "predizone" to get her through.
Well, she did just fine all summer long. I kept taking her on my morning runs, and after a couple months I began to wonder if she had been misdiagnosed, but about 2 weeks ago I began to see a change in her.....the end was nearing. On Sunday Penny was clearly not feeling well and her appetite was not insatiable as usual. By Monday morning she was clearly suffering, so I took her to the vet.
Not much could be done, just keep her comfortable and call if it is time to put her down, I was told. All Penny wanted by this time was to crawl under a cool bush and lay down. I realize now she was looking for a place to die.
Daisy and Sara came in that evening, and I broke the news. I was thrilled to have them home, and the excitement of the moment overshadowed the seriousness of Penny's condition. We all went to bed. I gave Penny one last stroke and told her what a good dog she is.
I was up early the next morning for my run, and as I descended the stairs I felt a dread about what I would find. On one hand I thought it would be nice if she had passed quietly in the night, but on the other hand I hadn't really said goodbye.
I found her, lifeless, but still warm, on the floor of her room. I petted and stroked her, but she wasn't breathing. My eyes welled up with tears. For eight years she has been a fixture in our home. She has watched as our three children have come into our world. She has welcomed and loved them all, taking their abuses in stride, never a growl or even a quick move which might upend a toddler. She has guarded the house and announced every guest's arrival with her husky bark. I headed back up to tell Sara.
We decided to let the kids see her before school. They probably couldn't comprehend or process it all, but we saw it as an opportunity to teach about the inevitable. After they were off to school, Sara and I buried Penny, in our back yard, underneath the sycamore tree, with our own two hands.
Now there is no friend to feed and put out at night. When there is a knock at the door, it is silent, no barking. Now we have to clean off Daisy's high chair seat ourselves, and the spilled food on the kitchen floor everyday isn't instantly cleaned up by a wet-nosed golden girl. We keep forgetting she's gone.
I'm sorry.
I been through this a number of times. Some have been horrible, like the time a friend was watching our dog, and dog got sick. Friend took dog to an emergency vet who did not have adequate facilities to watch a 120 lb newfie, and his panicky barking was bothering her, so she oversedated him with a mixture of valium and sodium something and he died. She then charged us $1005, and told us if we didn't get the money asap (the next day), she'd send him to the rendering plant and charge us more for that. We all stood in her place howling and sobbing, and she called the police and said we wouldn't leave. It was Thanksgiving night but the cops still came to our house to tell us we better pay the vet bill. It was a nightmare.
That happened almost 10 years ago, and I still bust a tear every time I look at his favorite places in the yard. His name was Danger. He was my son's first pet. He loved him so much - it's just incredible having that unconditional love of a pet, and then to feel you've let him down, how awful.
If you are lucky, you will never forget your girl. You will awaken some days thinking you feel that wet nose on your hand. And sometimes you'll cry, just like you cry for people that aren't there anymore. But, no matter what, we always get another dog. We always love all of them in a totally different way. Right now I got my girl, who ate a casually tossed watermelon rind when she was about three months old and almost died. I already know that someday she will die, and I will have another, and another, and love them all. I hope you will too. I enjoy your blog, good luck to you.
Thank you for your kindness and your story. Who was the vet? if you don't mind me asking. This is my third dog, but the first that both Sara and I have raised. Having grown up on a farm, I'm pretty realistic and practical about animals. Penny represented a lot in Sara's and my relationship, and how do you not love and miss something who loves you so much?
How very sad. There IS no more unconditional love than that of a dog! I've lost two, but currently have one sweet little dog. Dean Koontz has a new book out about his Golden Trixie, that they lost some time ago. So sorry to hear of your loss.
Take good care and comfort one another!
Rosemary
"how do you not love and miss something who loves you so much?" hurray, I've contacted a HUMAN!
thanks for your kind words, and yes, I'm glad to give the name of the vet - North Valley Emergency Vet Clinic, on Dominic Dr just off Skyway, Dr Chris Hair. At that time, they had no kennel, they just kept all the sick animals in one common room (it's a strip mall). She told our friend she would not treat the dog unless he was left with her, knowing that a 129 lb dog who is not unconscious is likely to at least bark. When he would not stop barking, she proceeded to sedate him, every time he started to come around, she'd give him more - even though she told me on the phone, as we raced home from a thanksgiving trip, that the sedatives were interfering with the medication. When I told her to stop sedating him, she said, "but he won't stop vocalizing,,," So, I asked her to release him to our friend, since we were still a couple of hours out of town.
She refused to do so, saying she would only release him to his owner, because she wanted to get paid. Half hour later, she called us again to say he was dead.
I tell you this story because I think other people should know. But frankly, the only vet in town I have not had a bad experience with is Doctor Mike Seely of Butte Co Mobile Vet. He's very practical, very truthful, and he has a motor home so he can meet you just about anywhere. And he seems genuinely motivated by a love for animals rather than GREED.
Thanks for listening, love to you and yours. You people are going to make many more dogs very happy!
I have had some really touching comments. Thanks to you all.
I am so sorry to hear about Penny....animals have a way of getting to you in very special ways. I am glad to hear Daisy is doing well, I enjoy hearing about your family as all of THE BOYZ have a special place in my heart. Since Matt is in town, he gets all the peanut brittle.