POST SCRIPTS

I've heard men say this. A few were men who had been married more than once and admited that the second marriage worked better because they just always said, "yes dear," especially when they were asked to do something.

My initial response to this was discomfort...makes the women seem bossy (to put it nicely). The more I thought about it though it made sense...and for what I think might be some very good reasons:

Women hate it when we are dismissed or ignored by men. We need to know our opinions are valued and that our priorities are also important to our spouses...not necessarily first on his list but considered important.

Men feel better about themselves when they can be of use...they are also natural hero's. An open and attentive response (even 50% of the time) would do wonders in most relationships. So why wouldn't men resolve to do this one thing...pay attention and give a positive response? The alternative only invites anger or hurt feelings, neither of which will inspire "intimatcy"...or that "dagwood" you all love so much!

We're not your MOMs...we know you're bigger & stronger and if you wanted could put us in our place...we just want some R-E-S-P-E-C-T...thank you Aretha!

Of course this article was written tongue in cheek, but I have to agree with Tina. A woman really needs to feel she is an equal partner at all levels of marriage. Saying yes dear on occasion is certainly one way to let her know you value what she is saying, but I think it really shakes out like this:

Acknowledge her, don't ignore or dismiss what she is saying out of hand. This creates frustration and a defensive reaction and leads to a fight.

Whenever you can try to validate what she has said by finding an area of mutual agreement and communicate that back to her. It's not that hard!

Do it all with sincerity and with true respect.

You will get a lot more cooperation and appreciation in return.

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Now, if you have another moment let me give you a little personal story from last Tuesday.

Shari had a hard day at work and I was off work early, so by the time she got home, I had prepared a dinner to surprise her. I try to do this at least one or two times a week...anyway, I met her at the door with a small bouquet of fresh wild flowers and escorted her into the dinning room where I seated her before her favorite appetizer of tarte a la tomate et fromage de chevre (spicey fried tomato in a mix of soft cheeses).

This was followed with something I tossed together over the course of a few hours called, Filet de limande en ecailles de pommes de terre et mousse de homard, with a reduction de homard... which as most of you probably already recognized is lobster mousse, a bit of potato scales on sauteed fennel, with a lobster reduction. For a dinner soup I made a classical onion soup topped with Gruyere cheese.

This was all serve with a slightly chilled bottle of fume' blanc.

After dinner I escorted her to the spa tub I had prepared, it was partially lined with candles. She slipped into the warm scented water and relaxed as the bubbles caressed her skin and I gave her an hour long foot and shoulder massage, as the background music played classical music softly, her favorite Brahms' Symphony No., 4 was first up.

After that, I left her alone as she just relaxed in the tub and when she felt rested and the stress of day had finally melted away, she came out to the living room where I had prepared the couch with a cushy comforter and pillows. We then watched, Terms of Endearment, a great movie where you laugh, you cry and finally you come to accept... I know, I know, most guys probably do much more, but it's not so much the actual act of giving back, but the symbolism. Just a little something to show her how much she is appreciated. . . .

. . had you going,huh? I'm joking....I would never make an ONION soup with Gruyere cheese!!!! Ha!

I would like to write more on this subject, but Shari is calling me..."Yes, dear, be right there sweetie pie...."

Sorry Jack...didn't mean to step on the funny...and I did find it quite funny!!!

Even if you never intended to make a serious point...you did. I couldn't resist the chance to highlight it.

You did have me going for awhile on the "Tuesday" story...but when I got to this:

We then watched, Terms of Endearment, a great movie where you laugh, you cry and finally you come to accept...

...it was all over! I can see a guy knowing how to cook..some of you are the best chefs if the world...and I can almost accept the bath routine...the candles and choice of music were a bit over the top but:

My husband and I saw "Transformers" on Friday and the "Die Hard" sequel last week...your movie choice was a dead give away!

Thanks for the weekend laugh!

Yeah, you got me... but seriously, I can cook. I like to make Chinese food for reason. It's nothing special,but my cooking could go a long way to solving world hunger, cause when people eat just one bite they usually say, well, that's enough for me.

You should put your chinese recipes in book form...you'd make millions on this great, "guaranteed to work every time diet."

Another way could look at this, it is just less of an all around pain in the a$$ to say "yes dear" and be done with it than to deal with the bullsh&# of not doing whatever it is. If the wife thinks she has me by the - - - s because I said "yes dear" that works for me, it will get her off my back that much sooner.

Toby...I guess this means she doesn't read this blog!?

Oh...I've always wanted to know...if a wife can't ask...she usually doesn't get any response when she asks...and she can't "remind"...that's considered "nagging" which eventually leads to the "B" word...how should she communicate, so that the stuff HE should be doing without being asked or nagged, gets done? Just wonderin' cause climing up on that back week after week is exausting!!