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November 25, 2007
Darwin Award Winner!
John, a Los Angeles real estate attorney, was skimming leaves from his pool when he noticed a palm frond caught in the power lines. His education had equipped him with sufficient acumen to become a successful litigator. Yet he was not shrewd enough to avoid becoming a toasty critter, when he reached up with the long metal pole and poked at the palm frond.
John was, for once, the path of least resistance.
Perhaps as an homage to his litigation skills, his family sued both the utility company and the pool supply store, for failure to disclose the danger of poking a metal rod into the power lines.
Runner up contestants...
2. Three entrepreneurs planned to profit from stolen scrap metal. They entered a former US military complex and approached the prize: an abandoned water tank. Bedazzled by the potential upside, the three threw logic to the wind, and began to cut the metal legs out from under the tank. Guess where it fell? Straight onto the thieves. Their flattened bodies have not yet been identified.
3. Oregon) An amateur snake collector caught a 20-inch rattlesnake on the highway near Maupin. Three weeks later, his captive took its revenge. The formerly fearless snake charmer admitted, "You can assume alcohol was involved."
He had a six-pack under his belt, and was consuming what he described as "a mixture of stupid stuff" at a barbecue. The calamity was precipitated when he handed a beer to his ex, using the same hand that held the rattlesnake.
"Get that thing out of my face," she said.
He protested, "It's a nice snake. Nothing can happen. Watch!" Famous last words. As they left his mouth, his fate was sealed.
One month later, still sore from muscle and nerve damage from the venom, the 23-year-old admitted that he stuck the snake in his mouth to prove his point. Instead, he disproved his point, for the snake bit him. He had no time for embarrassment. In great pain and gasping for breath, he asked his ex to drive him to the hospital. "She was the only one sober," he explained.
He was unconscious by the time he arrived at the hospital. His swollen tongue protruded from his mouth. Physicians performed a tracheotomy to restore airflow to his lungs, and administered antivenin. He was kept heavily sedated for several days. When the swelling went down, "we let him wake up," his doctor reported.
The Poison Control Center sees about 50 snakebite victims a year. Generally they are injected on the legs while hiking, or arms while reaching under a rock. Few are bitten on the tongue.
His friends at blunt. "They were, like, what the heck were you thinking?" His answer? "It's my own stupidity."
Posted by Post Scripts at November 25, 2007 09:08 PM