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December 31, 2007
Hyper-Sensitive Angry People
by Jack Lee
It was a casual remark and it was taken wrongly by a hyper-sensitive angry type person - has it ever happened to you?
I think it happens with more regularity these days than ever before. I wonder if this is a result of the "me" generation? Case in point, a bunch of my family members decided to go out to lunch Saturday. Among them is a cousin, lets just call her Anthraxia so I don't embarrass her by using her real name. So I said to [Anthraxia], "Those are nice boots". She's wearing new Ugs, ("Ug" is not a comment it's a brand...I need to make that clear!) And she just stares daggers at me with a snarl on her face. (Yikes...what did I say wrong?)
As we are taking orders for the food Anthraxia announces she doesn't want to eat now. (But, we are all out to eat lunch? I think.) Knowing Anthraxia as I do, her refusal is usually a signal she is upset at someone. So, as a
matter of encouragement I say, "C'mon Anthraxia, you're going to waste away to nothing unless you have a bite." She takes this as I've just sarcastically accused her of being overweight and rolls her eyes and says, no! (She's really not overweight at all and that's certainly not what I meant to imply.)
A few minutes later we've found a table and I'm going to order drinks from the bar for everyone and I ask our dear little Anthraxia if I could buy her something to drink? She says, "A diet coke...?" I didn't notice the trailing question mark and the sarcasm attached to it (she's making a point that I missed entirely), so I replied quite happily, "Yes, a diet coke it is!" Anthraxia says tersely, "No I'll buy my own coke, never mind!" Still not getting what's going on, but sensing the tension, I said, Oh ok thats fine.
At the bar I am talking with my son and I said, so what’s up with Anthraxia? He says flatly she doesn't like what you're saying. "What did I say?" He replies, Doesn't matter ... you're irritating her and she doesn't want to hear you talk. (Oh great) So he leaves and goes back to the family table and I'm of course left to buy the beers and return with their orders. As I place a beer in front of my (police officer) son, he gripes, "Hey Father... you got me the wrong beer, I said I wanted a 22 oz. Fat Tire Ale!" (I really did order that, but the bartender poured a 12 ounce Fat Tire Ale, no big.) So I said, "I think he saw you come in and he's cutting you back already!" (Actually he had not been drinking anything...it was a silly joke) Anthraxia chimes in to say, "That's it! (talking right passed me to my daughter) "This is why you are all so $#@% dysfunctional, I can't believe it! How could you grow up like this? Your Dad has said nothing but snide comments ever since we go here!" ( Huh, me? Me not snide, me caveman, me not that clever.)
If that's the only hypersensitive person I ran into this week I would NOT be writing this article, but she wasn't and fortunately they were not all being snippy at me, sometimes I got to be the observer of snippiness. Recently, Anthraxia was but one of dozens of twitty people looking to pick a fight at the slightest provocation or misinterpreted statement. Is it just the post Christmas blues or what?
Have you had an experience you would care to share about hyper-sensitive types? It would be good for your soul to vent.
Posted by Post Scripts at December 31, 2007 09:38 AM
Comments
Jack, I don't have a story today but I do have a viewpoint that might be of interest:
"And she just stares daggers at me with a snarl on her face."
This is the set up.
"(Yikes...what did I say wrong?)"
Wrong question...wrong focus.
"Anthraxia announces she doesn't want to eat now."
You didn't react properly to the "snarl" so she lobs another salvo.
"C'mon Anthraxia, you're going to waste away to nothing unless you have a bite."
You have just engaged the enemy...innocently, of course...but, never the less, she has "won" (in her deeply disfunctional effort to "get" you by ensuring you say something she can feed on)
"I didn't notice the trailing question mark and the sarcasm attached to it"
NEVER fail to notice when the enemy has engaged you! Her talons are out now! (a cry for help...someone needs to break a few nails)
"No I'll buy my own coke, never mind!"
Well! Feigned hurt...now, she attempts to put you in your place!
Anthraxia has a problem and apparently you are a "reminder" of whatever old bug is up her butt. YOU must pay for the alleged wrongs (as will everyone else at the table...but who cares about others!)
My response to her initial salvo would have been to simply say, "OK"...then I would not address her again unless she asked me a direct question or had something decent to say. She does not deserve your kind attempts to make her comfortable or to tease her into a better mood...she is acting like a spoiled child.
This girl was projecting big time:
"This is why you are all so $#@% dysfunctional, I can't believe it! How could you grow up like this?..."
At this point I would have looked her directly in the eye and said gently and in a quiet voice...what's going on Anthraxia, you seem upset?" (Her last question was a childs question to herself..."how could I grow up like this?")
Being prepared for blow back at this point just means repeating the same word..."OK" to whatever she shares.
Don't ever own an accusation that doesn't belong to you...it hurts the accusor as well as the accused. She needs feedback that will let her look in the mirror to see what a little pill she is.
Anthraxia...great name for any of us when we turn nasty, smug and snarling!
Posted by: Tina at December 31, 2007 12:49 PM
I'm guessing she is just an unhappy person.
I'm also going to guess that she is a secularist and a liberal.
How close am I?
Posted by: Nick Freitas at December 31, 2007 05:14 PM
Good guesses, Nick. I'll try some too. Anthraxia is about 26 years old. She is unemployed, probably recently fired although she says "quit" from some low-paying job. She is unmarried, recently divorced or separated from a "low-life slob" who did not appreciate her. She is back home living with her parents or maybe with Uncle Jack, and she never thanks them in any way. In fact, she resents them for being in a position to give her charity, since it reminds her of her own failures. She was or maybe still is a heavy recreational drug user. She has tattoos. She hates George Bush and thinks American society stinks.
Posted by: Dan at January 1, 2008 08:13 AM