Ship of Fools

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm very goal oriented. Just getting the individual task done isn't enough for me. Until the job is done I'm not satisfied. I've also been known to be stubborn and somewhat obsessive compulsive. Take cleaning for example. I don't especially like cleaning but when I get it in my head that something is going to come clean it is GOING TO COME CLEAN. No matter what. Scrubbing just not working, lets add a cleaning agent. Still not working? Add some more. No dice? Add another. And another. And another. The problem is that in my fervor to get the job done I sometime neglect to rinse the first cleaning agent out properly...or at all. It's gotten to the point that a few times if Himmler was in my kitchen he might be saying (insert heavy German accent here) "You vight not vant to do zat" I have a long list that I have memorized of the cleaning agents that contain bleach and the ones that contain ammonia because of the numerous times I have accidently created mustard gas in the kitchen. (You laugh, ask my wife)

Case in point today. A few days ago my wife made oven baked BBQ chicken, one of my favorite things that she cooks. The problem was that BBQ sauce baked onto a metal pan forms a bond approximately one billion times stronger than the worlds strongest electro-magnet. We tried everything to get that sauce off. Soaking, soap, scrubbing. We didn't want to try steel wool because its a very expensive non-stick (yeah right) pan. Today, I had an idea, which should have been a red flag but wasn't. I thought, "If oven cleaner will take the crust off an oven, it should work on this pan too." So I found the can of industrial strength oven cleaner that is covered front and back with warnings, promptly ignored them all, and sprayed the pan. About ten minutes later I came back to find the oven cleaner foaming up nicely with a pinkish tint of dissolved BBQ sauce. Success! I got out my trusty sponge and wiped the pan clean. Good as new! "I'm a God," I thought, "my wife is going to be so damn proud of me." Then I started to realize that my hands hurt like hell. I looked down and found them to be quite red. I looked at the can of oven cleaner and in great big letters, it stated very clearly: DO NOT USE WITHOUT GLOVES. Oh damnit! Apparently whatever caustic chemical they put in that stuff that takes anything off anything also takes skin off hands. After cussing profusely in my head (baby is awake) and rinsing my hands under cold water for about ten minutes I thought I would write you all and let you know what I had learned today.

1. Oven cleaner does wonder for baked on goop on cookware
2. It is really stupid not to read the warnings on oven cleaner
3. It is even more stupid not to obey the warnings on oven cleaner
4. I will probably continue not to obey the warnings on oven cleaner, and all other cleaners for that matter
5. I'm not real bright