Ship of Fools

People amaze me when they drive. A vast majority of my job involves driving so I spend a lot of time observing other people and how they behave in their cars. Most people are like I am, eyes on the road, checking mirrors every so often, and generally not doing anything more than just getting where they need to be. But there is that percentage of people on the road that seem to be doing everything but driving. Oh sure, they are behind the wheel and their foot is on the gas but in actuality they are just steering a one ton missile down the road hoping not to bounce off anything too hard. These are the people who are talking on their cell phones, reading, putting on make-up, doing their hair, eating, whatever. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people out there that can do one or more of these things and still drive like a human being. Most however can't. They glide from one side of their lane to the other, change speeds randomly, make wild last second turns without using their signal, and generally make life on the road for us sane people hectic. You can always tell who these drivers are too, they are the ones who are missing a hub cap, have rub marks all over their tires, dents in their bumper, or a mirror hanging off. Battle scars from previous recklessness.
Truth be told though, I can deal with these people. Like I said, you can see them coming and as long as you keep an eye on them and stay out their way you're really not in that much danger. Oh sure, some jackass may do something totally random that you can't avoid and you may get hit, and sure its going to make you madder than a hair-lip at a spelling bee, but unfortunately thus is life. The ones that really drive me crazy (pun) are the people who really have no business on the road. These are the old folks who are driving 45 in the 65 zone, ten white knuckles on the wheel, barely looking over the dash board, a look of abject terror on their face. I understand that you have to get someplace and when you live in a highly rural area like most of us do public transportation isn't always an option. But for the sake of all our sanity, stay off the highway. I shouldn't just pick on the oldsters, there are plenty of people of all ages that fall under this category. I pass them almost every day on my commute. I always think to myself "they can't be paying any attention to their speed, the posted signs, or their mirrors otherwise they would realize whats going on around them and pull over." Either that or they just don't give a damn. You can't even use rude hand gestures on these people because they are so focused on that invisible spot 10 feet in front of their car that they wouldn't notice you anyway, and that just takes all the fun out of it. I've even considered pulling a little NASCAR action on them and tapping them into the wall (not really, seriously) but the land yachts they drive would just absorb the impact and send you flying. There's really no solution.