Yesterday was my oldest sons third birthday. One more year and he's off to a UK textile mill where he can earn his keep sewing buttons on shirts. Anyway we planned a party for him. Nothing big. Just my wife and I, his brother of course, and my parents for pizza, salad, and cake. Problem is by the time dinner rolled around he was passed out on the couch because he hadn't taken a nap. So we put him to bed, called my parents and rescheduled for this evening, and my wife and I had a quiet evening to ourselves.

I had planned on having baked chicken tonight but as my mom pointed out, "It's Cinco de Mayo, we should be having Mexican food!" Alrighty then...Mexican food it is. So I'm making tamales, fresh refried beans, and home-made tortillas. Or that's the plan anyway. You see, my wife and I have made tamales a number of times. Some have come out great. Perfect flavor, perfect texture, everything is wonderful. Other times they have been little wads of glue in a corn husk with flavorless meat-like-substance crammed inside. It's totally random. Tonight I'm going to try again though. I found a recipe that sounds quite good and the procedure for putting them together seems easy enough. I'll post tomorrow on how they come out.

Anyway so I'm in the kitchen preparing the meat. One diced onion, check, two minced cloves of garlic, done. One minced sorrano pepper. Okay, a note on these little bastards. They are hot. REALLY hot. They have a wonderful fruity flavor, like a cross between a bell pepper and a very ripe fresh apple, but if you don't give them a little respect they will slap you into a land of hurt like you've never known. I've made the mistake with them before and it always ended in me uttering a string of swear words. So I'm dicing this little devil on a plastic board as to not set the next ten items I chop on my wooden board on fire from left over capsaicin. I very carefully chop the pepper, put it in the cooking chicken, drop the board and the knife into hot soapy water, and, because its allergy season, I rub my eye.

Ever had one of those moments when the very second you do something some voice in the back of your head goes: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I had one of those moments today. Except my voice said: "Even God can't save you now buster. You're a moron." As I hopped around the kitchen clutching my face as to keep my eyeball from popping out and running for the hills I remembered that I couldn't cuss because my kids were both asleep in the living room. So I just stood in quiet agony until the burning subsided and I could sanely reflect on just how dumb I really am sometimes.

Now some of you may be saying "Why didn't you wash your eye out with water?" Well, capsaicin is hydrophobic, meaning it will repel water. Pure forms of the stuff look kinda like parafin but runny. I could have poured a swimming pool of water into my eye with no effect what-so-ever. Milk works but only because the enzymes in the milk help to break down the chemical links. Actually that's not entirely true. Milk used to work but thanks to the process of ultra-pasturization those enzymes are deactivated. That's why a lot of restaurant's that serve very spicy foods serve yogurt along side of it. Its not a colorful side dish, its to help sooth your burning taste buds.

So there is my story people. Hopefully you found it amusing. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go writhe in agony.