When playing footsies isn't fun
I’ve concluded nothing much good can come from hot-tubbing at a party.
About 10 years ago I went to party with two of my good friends.
It was mostly a couples crowd and as I recall, I was the only single woman there.
The host and hostess were good friends with the couple who had invited me.
After the party winded down, the host and hostess invited the three of us to take a dip in the hot-tub.
It seemed innocent, warm, nice, with friends. We were all laughing, enjoying the water .... but for some reason the host’s toes kept brushing up against my legs under the water. Of course I felt uncomfortable and kept moving away.
I didn’t want to scooch all the way over and into the lap of my friends, because then it would seem like I was doing something weird.
I brushed away the host’s toes a couple more times, and then finally just felt really uncomfortable, abruptly got out of the water and ran out of there.
I called my friend the next day who had invited me to the party and shared the story about the footsies in the hot-tub. My friend thought I must have imagined it.
I told her I didn’t think so, it was pretty clear, and I had been clear-headed.
My friend said I should drop it. Nobody was harmed. The hosts were gracious and had really good food.
I dropped it, because maybe I was wrong. Nowadays you see commercials for “restless leg disease.� Maybe that was it.
I don’t know what I should have done differently. If this was a pattern surely the host’s wife would find something out eventually. But I did wish that my friend had at least backed me up and said “Oh, that sounds creepy.�
Circles of friends in Chico are interesting. You know someone who knows someone. Last week, 10 years later, I was talking to another friend who knew the host and hostess several years ago.
Somehow their names came up, and at one point I said, "Oh yeah, there's this one thing that happened way back when ..."
I didn't finish the sentence when my friend said: "So-and-so hit on you, right?"
I put my hand on my chest like you do when you say the pledge of allegiance.
"You just so validated me," I said.
"Oh yeah, that guy hits on everyone," my friend said.
My friend told a story about when she was at one of their dinner parties and how he was playing grabby in the hallway, likely while his wife was preparing hors doerves in the kitchen. My friend said she had heard similar things from a lot of the women in her circle.
Gross. I guess this guy has just been getting away with this for years.
You never know what goes on with a couple’s personal dynamics, so maybe they just had an understanding that he could poke around but just keep it as a game.
But it’s only a fun game if everybody agrees they want to play.
Ten years after this incident I don’t know what I would do if this happened again. I would like to think I would firmly and clearly state, in front of his wife, that I would appreciate it if he would stop rubbing up against my thigh.
But women don’t tend to stick up for themselves that way.
However, in reality, I think its just best to avoid hot tubs with people who you don’t consider practically your relatives.
Comments
Oh my God! I just laughed so hard! I wonder if my sister was another of this guy's "accidents"? She went to a hottub party with her boyfriend who knew the host, and about 20 minutes into her massaging her boyfriend's foot under the water, he shrieks. He had meant to rub her foot, and ended up with some guy's hairy toes in his hand. The hairy toe owner giggled and pointed out that my sister had also been rubbing his foot for who-knows-how-long. ACK! If that's not the same guy, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! I agree wholehearted with you, that tubbing is only for family and uber-friends. Otherwise I guess you could leave the bubbles off so everything's out in the open, but where's the fun in that?
Posted by: Heather | February 12, 2007 12:12 PM