Radio interupts rant
Sometimes it's best to keep your thoughts to yourself.
My friend Shelley shared a funny story with me recently and agreed to send in a narrative
about her near-miss with public disclosure:
Heather, here is a cautionary tale for your blog:
“I’ll cook breakfast this morning.” says the husband one winter Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago. I reach over from bed and turn on the radio and prepare to be spoiled. We tune into a local call-in show on KZFR on Saturday mornings.
Half an hour passes. I get up and head to the kitchen. There, empty, and perched on high flame, sits my favorite cast iron pan, practically glowing red. This is an egregious abuse of an old friend and worse yet, there is no sign of breakfast.
My reptile brain takes over and my hands fly involuntarily to my hips in the classic pose of the disgruntled wife. I hate myself for this. I look around for the husband, take a deep breath, and prepare to commence hollering.
“My pan is …”
Oops, he is engrossed in conversation on the phone. Bad form to yell at spouse while he is on the phone. But stopping a low blood sugar diatribe is a lot like suddenly stopping on roller skates; There is still some forward momentum.
“…on the stove, and … why is your voice on the radio?”
Unbeknownst to me, he has called KZFR and gotten through to the talk show and is on the air. I hear my own strangled bleat emit from the radio and realize my wifely rant was about to be broadcast across the foothills and beyond. Not to mention streaming on the worldwide web.
The rant finally skids to a halt. This would have been a lot like watching a couple argue in a bar, only worse, because the couple are me. Every conversation (argument) that I would never want anybody to overhear flashes through my brain, alleviating aforementioned appetite. I also couldn’t help but wonder how many people would have recognized my, umm, voice.
With an awesome strength I nonchalantly stroll past the husband into the bedroom. Twenty minutes later he enters the room.
“Did you hear my comments on the radio?” he says, “What did you start to say a few minutes ago and can you tell me why that pillow is over your head?”
shelleyk
