Watts Up With That?

April 1st, 2007, New York City
Officials for the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade announced today that they would be adding a new balloon to the roster of helium balloons used in the annual holiday extravaganza. Al Gore, former Vice President and carbon crusader will get his own balloon at the 2007 Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Gore will join a cast of fictional characters already floating in the atmosphere such as Spider Man, Santa Claus, Snoopy, Dora the Explorer, Barney, Big Bird, and Ronald McDonald. Officials for the parade said in the statement that "Like our many other balloon icons, Mr. Gore has achieved cult status this year, we felt it appropriate to honor him with a balloon of his very own".

The announcement was not without controversy however, as upon learning of the honor, Mr. Gore insisted that the balloon be filled with Carbon Dioxide gas rather than helium to "drive home my point about CO2 and how bad it is for us". When told of the fact that CO2 is heavier than air, and the balloon would not float if filled with it, Mr. Gore replied "that's just nonsense from climate deniers and skeptics, everybody knows that CO2 floats around in our atmosphere, they measure it on the summit of the Mauna Loa observatory in Hawaii. I've been there, I've seen it. How do you think it got up there if it was heavier than air!" and added "There's consensus on this, the debate is OVER".

In deference to Mr. Gore's insistence that he be allowed to make a statement about CO2 in the parade, Macy's officials decided that the Gore balloon would be shuttled through the parade route carried atop a fleet of 10 Hummers, which was the only vehicle with a flat top and enough power to support and move the massive weight of the CO2 filled gasbag.