by Jack Lee

1 Apr 08: A cure for obesity found in the most unlikely place…rice straw!

UC Davis researchers have isolated the fat causing gene in humans and most recently a humble and benign chemical inhibitor which stops it from producing fat! “This will have profound implications for an overweight society” said. Dr. Norman Montgomery Schuller, Dean of Microbiology at UC Davis “The identification of the fat gene or fat producing chromosone acts like a trigger allowing the body to store fat and we discovered that by introducing a chemical inhibitor called bi-fenalcinealtraglobulin which is found in rice straw, it is now possible for people to eat virtually as much as they want without gaining weight. “Obesity will soon become a thing of the past”, he said.

Dr. Schuler cautioned, “Of course you should still eat healthy and exercise, even though you can chow down on all the sweets you want and never gain a pound! Even junk food like cheeseburgers will have absolutely no deleterious effect, only the healthy nutrients will pass into your system.” The “bi-fenalcinealtraglobulin” is only found rice straw and currently “rice straw” is considered almost unusuable as a bi-product of the rice harvest, but this is about to change…it could become worth far more than the rice, say the researchers. Bi-fenalcinealtraglobulin is a non-toxic substance with no known side effects. It is about as safe to take as an aspirin says Dr. Schuler.

“The development of a “fat pill” must undergo extensive testing before it can be tried on human subjects, however the results to date are extremely encouraging and we see no reason why we can’t have it on the market by 2010, said Dr. Schuller.

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!