Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: ‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked. She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
I’ve sure gotten old!
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, and diabetes. I’m half blind,
can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver’s license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor’s permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclai med.
‘Why Wal-Mart?’
‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week’
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Always Remember This:
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing