by Jack “I got too much money” Lee
The rising cost of gasoline is hitting some people really hard, even in Saudi Arabia. The latest pump price there has climbed to about 92 cents a gallon! In Venezuela the pump price is a bit more realistic; it’s about 20 cents a gallon. But, keep in mind overall this is terrible news for the fragile economies of these poor 3rd world nations and we should try to do something to help. Maybe we could subsidize their pump prices to take some of the sting out of it?
Thanks to the American Congress we are effectively doing just that! Yes my friends Congress deserves a lot of credit for shifting our wealth and using the gas pumps to do it. First, they have been very successful at keeping American oil safely out of the hands of polluters like you and me and in the ground where it belongs. I feel pretty good about that don’t you? Like stop me before I pollute again! lol Seriously, we American consumers understand that it’s far more important to focus on the real problem facing all of us today, global warming!
Global warming, that’s exactly why we must teach our children to avoid carbon fuels and educate the world that burning dino fuel is evil. Just like the people who drive big SUV’s. SUV’s, that’s another problem and another reason why we gladly pay our “fair share” at the pump so we can punish those who are fuelish over-consumers driving gas guzzling SUV’s. Unfortunately, pump prices are only about $4 a gallon today, which seems way too low considering the vast wealth of us every day Americans, especially when compared to the poverty stricken people in lesser countries like Kuwait where gasoline is a whopping 40 cents a gallon.
Do you have any idea what forty cents means to the average Kuwaiti? They need help people!
Again, let me say in contrast to these poor little countries we Americans have too much surplus money and we should be eager to pay far more at the pumps if that will help shift the wealth and bring ying and yang into balance. I’m not exactly sure what that means, be I hear it a lot at the head shop so it must be right. Anyway, thanks to our Congress, a good deal of our filthy surplus money is being diverted to needy Arab nations where it will be put to
good use funding Madrass and other special religious training camps. You know the ones, they have recently sprung up in the mountains of Tora Bora along the Pakistan and Afghanistan border and elsewhere, even in the Philippeans Islands of Mindanao. Thats a good thing too; the world needs more religious scholars.
I’m delighted we can be helping our poor brothers and sisters around the world and that is why I hope our pump prices will double soon. I feel guilty ripping off the Arabs by buying their cheap oil and with any luck Congress is going to make sure that this dream of higher pump prices will come true! Now…if only this new plan to tax big oil corporations in the US for excess profits goes through, that should really help raise pump prices!
Yes my dear rich Americans, this is Congress’s finest hour and I say, keep up the good work! Keep up the good work Mr. President, keep it the good work Ms Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, we all love you for what you are doing to us, I mean for us. Our economy loves you too, look at it thrive with higher and higher pump prices and that is a beautiful thing… love, er higher pump prices, you know what I mean.
I’m sure I speak for all of us rich people when I say the American people support all of your difficult but diligent efforts to raise our pump prices and keep them going higher and higher so we can shift our excess wealth to those who need it more. Keep it coming, help us – help them.
Now lets all do our part pay, pay pay. Lets keep our vast supplies of crude in the ground where it belongs, its the only way we can insure pump prices will keep climbing and lastly don’t forget, be a vegan, buy organic and peace out! Vote Obama!