There’s money to be made and I want my fair share! That’s right! I’ve suddenly decided to become a fringe kook environmental, save the planet wacko. I’ve decided to take great pains to reduce my carbon footprint. In doing so, I expect to be greatly rewarded under the cap and trade policy being discussed in Washington, D.C.
You see, under that policy, you get credit for reducing your carbon footprint and you can sell your credits to others and make a lotta’ money. That’s the way it’s been explained in the news. That’s why its called “cap and trade.” Get it? I came up with this “get rich quick” scheme after reading the following in the Investor’s Business Daily:
“It’s long been a mantra on the left that people are a plague on the earth, ravaging its surface for food and resources, polluting its atmosphere and endangering its species. Now we are endangering its very climate to the point of extinction. Even the result of our breathing–carbon dioxide– has been declared by the EPA to be a dangerous pollutant.”
So, I did a little studying up and found that every time we exhale, we’re polluting the planet and causing global warming. Every time a baby is born, it’s life expectancy leaves a very large carbon footprint. New York Times writer Andrew Revkin is quoted saying “Probably the single most concrete and substantive thing an American could do to lower our carbon footprint is not turning off the light or driving a Prius, it’s having fewer kids. Shouldn’t there be a carbon value to that?”
And I totally agree. Although it pains me, at my age, seventy five, I’ve decided to postpone having anymore kids. That should rack up a whole bunch of carbon credits of which I am more than willing to sell…effective immediately. Now, all I need is a buyer, so I can sit back and relax knowing full well that I am saving the planet. (I’ll keep the money as a souvenir.)