In a show of raw unbridled power, President Obama today vowed to heavily tax the top 2% of pirates. “It’s outrageous that the top 2% of pirates should have 90% of the loot” Said Obama in his latest battle plans to redistribute the booty.
Nancy Pelosi followed his lead and said if the CEO’s of these pirate ships can’t do any better and cut their enormously bloated salaries we will have no choice but to nationalize their maritime industry.
Fed chief Tim Geithner had his say too and warned, “Their pirating has simply grown too big too fail. Too many are dependant on them for income and the consequences to the Somali economy would be too devastating! We must let the pirating continue as normal lest we throw the economy into depression. I think they should be eligible for TARP bailout money. We can’t let them fail!
On another front, Obama’s chief of staff, Rhom Emanuel tried to difuse criticism why the rescue of the hijacked American ship took so long. He said, “Well, first we had to check to be sure the pirates weren’t related to the President.”