By Bruce Sessions
With tongue firmly planted in cheek, I submit to you golfers, the new USGA rules which will go into effect January 21st, in honor of our new President. The rules will go into effect one minute after the swearing in ceremony is complete.
This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being written now. Here are a couple of basic changes. Golfers with handicaps below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%. Between 11 and 18 handicap, golfers will see no increase in green fees. Above 18 will play for free and even get a check from the course played.
The dollar amount put in for bets will be as follows. For handicaps below 10, an additional $10–between 11 and 18, no additional amount. Above 18, you will receive the total amount in the pot and you dont even have to play.
The term gimme putt will be changed to entitlement and will be used as follows: handicaps below 10, no entitlements. Handicaps 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts. Handicaps above 18, if on the green, no need to even putt; just pick it up. These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness in scoring so that the final scores of all players will be about the same.
In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie and/or six pars; any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player making the birdie or par, can that Player begin to count his score again.
The net score will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps 18 or above. This is intended to redistribute the success of winning by making sure the game of golf is about fairness and equality only. It should have nothing to do with ability. This should make our new President proud (since it was his idea.)