By Jack
Once upon a time, a long time ago in a little town called Chico, people gathered to celebrate the lighting of the humble Christmas tree now replaced by the Glorious Commune Tree. This was a time when it was a criminal offense to smoke dope and not a criminal offense to produce smoke…er, that is, from your chimney. It was a crazy dangerous time when kids dared to ride bicycles through the park without a full-face crash helmet, shoulder pads, knee protectors and those fashionable steel toed boots required under City Code Section 7-p.
Yes, way back then, it was an unenlightened time to be sure.
Greedy capitalism enslaved far too many workers. Back then American cars were among our most popular exports, unlike today, where American brides are our most popular exports to the rich countries in Asia.
Our state was called California, before it was renamed Mexifornia and the dominant language was English, not Spanglish. My great-grandfather grew up in those wild and difficult times, when a persons income was actually left to fateoh, and of course to their education and hard work, which as well now know is a poor way to measure a persons value to society. This resulted in too many rich people with big houses, planes, boats and fancy cars that made too many not as rich people feel bad because they didnt have as many of these things.
Now we all get to ride buses, there are no private boats or planes, and we all get a government stipend, but at least we are equal. We are free of the stress caused by constantly trying to improve ourselves too. Im told even the children of that by gone era suffered from the horrible stress of competition, where letter grades were awarded on a score card in school and some students suffered from poor self esteem because their grades were not as good as those students who unfairly studied more and tried harder.
Well I just wanted to remind everyone how lucky we are to be living in December of 2058. You have a very Merry Community Day and remember, be thankful youve not reached the maximum age of 39 or you would be required to go to the biscuit factory where we make those useless old people into healthy biscuits so we can all have sufficient food to get us through the winter.