Good News Everybody!

Posted by Jack

A new holiday:  In 2016 Vermont’s former governor, a Democrat, signed a proclamation rebranding Columbus Day to Indigenous People’s Day.  The state’s current governor, Phil Scott, has continued the tradition. Now, the state is one signature away from abolishing Columbus Day altogether and permanently recognizing Indigenous Peoples’ Day — a trend gaining traction in blue states, as progressive Americans come to grips with the incredible harm caused by Christopher Columbus. His actions in 1492 would eventually lead the new world into slavery, wars , global warming, fracking and the exploitation of cheap Hispanic labor by rich white men.

Another new holiday:  420 Day – celebrating marijuana.  So, light up today at exactly 4:20 pm because this  is the highest of high holy days for marijuana smokers. Marijuana Day or Weed Day, whatever you want to call it, people are kicking back and smoking away this day.

The day has become synonymous with smoking weed over the years to the point where it’s basically a national holiday. That’s only getting bigger as pot legalization becomes more and more widespread; which has nothing to do with a national increase in schizophrenia, despite what medical research will try to tell you.   One of the many reasons to get high today is to avoid being traumatized by the fact this is Adolf Hitler’s birthday and the day that the Columbine High School shooting took place!   If you don’t have any weed to help you cope I am told that there will be crying closets available at CSUC for the rest of the day.

More good news:  A poop map is now available for touring San Francisco so you can avoid walking in the most slipperiest areas!  Hurray for progressives!   San Francisco has basically decriminalized pooping on public sidewalks, the city does not prosecute people who are caught doing so.  Also good news is the fact city workers make more than $184,000 a year in salary and benefits for cleaning up the public poop!

The current Mayor London Breed told NBC:  “There’s more feces than I’ve ever seen!” Really?  I wouldn’t expect anyone to have seen much poop unless they worked as a CNA in retirement home? Anyway…public pooping is up 400% and people now call the city 65 times a day to report poop.  There were over 15,000 calls in 2018.  This is good news for job security on the poop patrol!


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8 Responses to Good News Everybody!

  1. RHT447 says:

    More good news.

    My wife reports from The Book of Face (I don’t do social media) that there was a drive by shooting in our old Chico neighborhood, and a strong arm robbery over by Children’s Park.
    Good times.

    • Peggy says:

      I heard there were two shootings last night. One off of Lassen and another behind the Safeway on East. Plus, some crazy driver was following a citizen who was on the phone with CPD, but no police were available to assist since they were dealing with the shootings.

    • Post Scripts says:

      Ah yes, children’s park, where the annual Easter Egg hunt has been substituted for the daily hunt for hypodermic needles, lest they learn what an accidental needle stick can do to you. At night Children’s Park sees more transients than Travel Lodge. You know, if you use cardboard and a tarp on a jungle gym it becomes just like a tiny house?

      San Francisco has legal pooping zones, no kidding, they really do! You can drop your pants and drop your brown bomb and no citation. Worry free pooping! I wonder why our progressives on the city council haven’t thought of that? Of course if they did, it follows that they should also have free toilet paper dispensers. We don’t want folks wiping off on just anything as they do now, right?

  2. Cherokee Jack says:

    It’s nice to have these improvements to our culture, Jack. Unfortunately, I heard from an unimpeachable source (on MSNBC I think) that the earth as we know it will be destroyed by man made climate change in 10 years. I know, they’ve said it before, but this time I think they mean it.

  3. J Soden says:

    Lefties will celebrate by dressing up as Indigenous People, lighting up a joint and pooping on the sidewalk in San Fransewer . . . . . . .

  4. Chris says:

    “Christopher Columbus. His actions in 1642”

    You sure about that?

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