by Jack
Unconfirmed reports about Kim Jung Un’s health have finally been cleared up at a press conference hosted by the Dear Leader’s dear sister, the talented and beloved, Kim Yo-Jong. She delivered her first press release after sprinting up and down Mt Paektu, North Korea’s highest mountain, claiming a new world climbing record. 
Only an hour later after this 9000 foot climb she arrived at the press conference fresh as can be. Before a vast audience of military and grateful journalists, Kim Yo-jong (shown on right in a PRNK official photo) stepped up to the flower adorned podium. A silence dropped over the gathering like a massive guillotine. She paused, adjusted the mic, cleared her throat and spoke, “We have nothing further to say, everything in North Korea remain same.” Kim Yo-jung, then turned away from the podium and faced the back drop of NK’s generals. With a smile she said, “You applaud now – look at me with happy face!“ She casually exited the stage amid a thunderous applause that lasted for over 5 minutes. It was a historic moment.