“Hope you and Jane are having a nice time. I wasnt sure I should tell you about your house while you are still on vacation, nothing you can do now anyway, so why upset you, right? Ill just save it for when you come back,
When you turn into whats left of your drive way you may have some questions. Not to worry, I have all the people you are supposed to contact: The Bomb Squad and Home Land Security ask that you call them first. The good news is I have a friend who runs a construction company and he said he would like to use your new hole to dump some fill. I figured since you are going to need about 6000 yards anyway this would be very helpful. Did you drive both cars on vacation, I hope? Hmmm…probably not, uh, well… the fire department found a Rolls Royce hood ornament embedded in the oak tree next door, uh, are you driving your fancy R/R or your old Honda, just curious?
You just keep having a good time and don’t worry about it, I’m sure it will all work out, except for replacing your neighbors cat, that might be tough. Have a nice timeoh, an no need to rush home…really….there is no need. Enjoy!”